Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-13-2016, 08:18 PM
 
Location: Texas
44,256 posts, read 64,135,030 times
Reputation: 73915

Advertisements

This might explain the 70% divorce rate among couples who marry and there are children involved.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-14-2016, 09:48 AM
 
997 posts, read 930,401 times
Reputation: 2363
I think sometimes the step-parents and the kids don't like each other. I don't like everybody I meet and want to live with them and share my life with them. The step-parent doesn't have any say in the child-rearing. Unless there is cooperation from everybody then it would be hard to take. I think the relationship between the children and the step-parent has to be based on mutual respect at least. That can happen if there is a genuine bond between them.

Sometimes there is, and sometimes there isn't. Some people you like, or love and some people you don't get along with and child/adult relationship is no different. Your own kids are biologically bonded with their parents and it is natural to love them even if you don't like them at times. Not so with a step-parent.

If it were me, I would leave. Get the hell out of Dodge. A parent does have to put their kids first. That is basic. If all factors lead to misery for all parties then it isn't working.

I am a parent and have never been a step-parent and I don't think I would be cut out for that at all. Some people make great step-parents which can really make a difference in the general cohesiveness and happiness of the family.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2016, 12:24 PM
 
358 posts, read 708,472 times
Reputation: 539
Quote:
Originally Posted by Step runner View Post
I am about to fall apart with being a step mom!! I told my husband if he didn't get his daughter under control for lying all the time that one day I would shut down and that would be when he needed to worry! Its been 7 years together and I've shut down now! I told my husband if his younger daughter ever started doing what his older one has done I would not be able to handle it. Well a few weeks ago his youngest did something real similar as her sister... I about fell over, it blind sided me because I never though she would follow in her sisters foot steps, I truly thought she loved me because I do so much for her... I told my husband he better nip it now or it will get worse. He defended it... I couldn't believe it... he said I was over reacting!! That he sat down and talked to her and she cried about a few things and of course I was part of the problem. I spend a lot of my alone time crying because I told him, I begged him to please stop having divorce syndrome he didn't listen back when his oldest started and she is not a good person. She cant even keep a friend for more then a week and she is now 16. Matter a fact I know a lot of the kids in school with her and parents and they all have her number but my husband is so blind to it.. She is beautiful, smart and charming but cant tell the truth if she had to read it off a piece of paper. One of her lies could of cost me my career. My husband tells me we need to clear the air and talk! I said I am not talking to her ever again. We have spoke with her 100's of times over her lying and nothing has ever changed. I am now protecting myself.

I am so angry that I think about leaving more then staying.

Step runner
I'm sorry but when you conclude your post by saying your husband wants to talk it out, but you refuse, you have a credibility problem.

When people elect not to communicate, it usually means their reasoning is weak and won't stand up in discussion. At least this is how it comes off.

You seem WAY too interested in pschoanalyzing these kids. You sound like you're driving a lot of this 'me or them' stuff.

It sure is true that kids can be little sh**s. But your current strategy of battling on their terms won't end well. Seriously, tell you husband (who must be a pretty good dude to have all these females vying for his approval) "hun, ok, if you have a better handle on what these girls need in terms of guidance, fine, then let's try just leaving the job to you. I'm going to back out of it. But I must warn you if they get aggressive or passive aggressive with me and it won't stop and you can't stop it, then I have to consider leaving."

My guess is, this is exactly what the other parties want too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2016, 10:47 AM
 
3,276 posts, read 7,825,325 times
Reputation: 8308
What is it with adults HATING children? I blame the stepparents in these situations because they are the adults.

Little kids and teenagers are supposed to be snots at times. They are freaking children! Do the stepparents literally hate their own children when they misbehave? Of course not!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2016, 12:21 PM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,212,488 times
Reputation: 16579
Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post

Not sure why everyone is attacking the OP.
Maybe it's got something to do with her not telling us just what that very devastating lie (I gather it's something like that) was. How can we really even give an opinion on something that we really know nothing about.
I mean we can sympathize with her I guess, for her feeling so bad....but I can hardly take sides, or understand her anguish, without any inklings (other than lying) about what it is that disturbs her so much about this girl...and now the girls sister.

I'm curious what the lie was...specially that now apparently the youngest child has also taken it up, or is that a different one...or is it just the lying in general???
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2016, 12:26 PM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,212,488 times
Reputation: 16579
Step runner....if you're being wronged by these children, as you feel you are...it's good that you're taking the precautions now to protect yourself.
It would be a rare man that would side with someone against his own children...guess you're figuring that out now.
You'll have to figure a way around that..... so you can be happy in your life
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-15-2016, 04:31 PM
 
1,644 posts, read 1,654,886 times
Reputation: 6237
Until you have been a step-parent to an out of control child, you really can't understand what it's like. Stop being so judgemental, being a step-parent isn't easy. I have been a step-parent for almost 30 years and I'm very close to one of my stepchildren, I'm her mom and the grandmother to her children. My other stepchild has been a absolute nightmare. Drugs, alcohol, fistfights, stealing, lying, juvenile detention, jail etc. You name it she has done it. We (myself, Dad and bio-mom) have tried everything counseling, grounding, talking to her, tough love etc. Nothing has worked for the long term, I love her but I'm done with it. Her parents are also done trying, until she makes some changes in her life she is on her own. She can come and eat if she is hungry, and she will receive the same Christmas and b day gifts as her siblings but that's it. Recently CPS was called because her son was missing so much school and when he was there he was dirty. She was given a parenting plan but refused to comply. My husband and I recently went to court and received custody. Long story not so short you really don't know what some people go through with their stepchildren.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-16-2016, 04:47 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,883,824 times
Reputation: 8594
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronicka View Post
A parent does have to put their kids first. That is basic.
Kids should not be put above the relationship of the adults. The best gift you can give to kids is a healthy relationship of the adults rearing the kids (step parents or natural parents).

Putting the kids above the relationship of the adult caregivers is the best way to screw those kids up for life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2016, 12:37 AM
 
2,911 posts, read 2,021,726 times
Reputation: 5153
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
yep and the sad part is that most of the parent part will agree to it . I would kick them so fast to the curb and tell them goodbye . No one and I mean no one would ever come btwn me and my children ever !!!
What if your kids are just as worse with you than they are with the step-parent? Some biological parents can't see how the child is set on ruining their lives because that's "their baby" when new spouse is only trying to have a happy household and please "everyone". Some kids are just rotten to everyone and use the "angry about the divorce" card just to get what they want.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-17-2016, 12:38 AM
 
2,911 posts, read 2,021,726 times
Reputation: 5153
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Kids should not be put above the relationship of the adults. The best gift you can give to kids is a healthy relationship of the adults rearing the kids (step parents or natural parents).

Putting the kids above the relationship of the adult caregivers is the best way to screw those kids up for life.

^^This^^
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top