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When they're little, it's the sleep deprivation and constant needs. When they hit adolescence, it's the insane hormone driven misbehavior. I am glad that I had them, but many days I am longing for respite care. Definitely has taken years off my life.
Agreed. I have an almost 4 month old right now and Im still having a hard time adjusting to the fact that shes in almost constant need of something. In the ~1 hour that shes taking a nap Im so overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done that I cant even organize my thoughts. I have NO idea how single parents do it. Its certainly fulfilling, but I take serious issue now with parents/(grandparents to be)/family members who get on to couples to have kids now that I have one. Do NOT have a kid until you are emotionally/financially prepared. It is HARD. Fulfilling, but hard.
To all who answered who aren't parents, I don't judge you at all. It isn't an easy job raising kids and I hope you've made a decision you'll never regret.
IMO, a 10 year old child s the perfect age. They have some independence, they can tell you what's wrong and where they hurt, they don't talk back, YET, the sun still rises and shines on Mommy and Daddy and they will still hold your hand.
Babies until 4 years old is draining on the mind and body. You don't know what sleep deprivation is like until you go through it. Then you have a few years where they go to school and it gives you some time to yourself or a job, etc. Teenage years can be hellish. Emotions and hormones of teenagers can turn your formerly sweet child into someone you don't know and don't like.
They can still challenge you when they're in their twenties, but they are more human and understanding.
Ours are 27 and 30. Would I do it again? yes, in a heartbeat. I LOVE my kids. Waiting for grandkids now...
To all who answered who aren't parents, I don't judge you at all. It isn't an easy job raising kids and I hope you've made a decision you'll never regret.
Fair play to you. At least in the US, that is a minority. There's a subtle pressure in American society for people to breed. That's the life. That's the American Dream. Go to college (and get in a crap ton of debt), get a house with a white picket fence (stuck 30 years paying for), get married and breed. That's the American Dream if anyone dares live their life different. They are given a stink eye.
Fair play to you. At least in the US, that is a minority. There's a subtle pressure in American society for people to breed. That's the life. That's the American Dream. Go to college (and get in a crap ton of debt), get a house with a white picket fence (stuck 30 years paying for), get married and breed. That's the American Dream if anyone dares live their life different. They are given a stink eye.
Meh. It's different these days. Being child-free by choice is pretty acceptable among the circles I move in.
When people have kids who shouldn't have them... I think the general population "gets" why this is a problem.
Besides, as far as I'm concerned, anyone who would judge me for opting out of spawning doesn't signify.
The first few years of parenting are extremely hard. Especially the first year with your first child! My kids are 12 and 14 now, and it's physically easier than it ever has been. Mentally more difficult, but the benefits of being an involved parent are paying off by this point. In the beginning, there are no results, only fires to put out. I don't think it's any secret that taking care of a new baby/toddler, especially when it's your first, is depressing, overwhelming and exhausting.
Meh. It's different these days. Being child-free by choice is pretty acceptable among the circles I move in.
When people have kids who shouldn't have them... I think the general population "gets" why this is a problem.
Besides, as far as I'm concerned, anyone who would judge me for opting out of spawning doesn't signify.
I agree I'm fine and dandy in my circle. However, I admit my circle of friends overall thinking isn't the majority wavelength of the whole country. It's not different at all.
I've seen this sentiment before. In fact, before I had kids, I even thought the same way you do, "those parents must not REALLY feel that way, but they don't want to admit it" or "those moms have no identity outside of being a mother, it's just horrible".
Then I became a mom. And guess what, for me at least, I was completely wrong. I AM happier now than before I had kids. Before I had kids, I had this depression that would hang over my head and try to take over, this feeling that life was kinda meaningless and I was just going through the motions. Now, as a mom, that depression that I felt as a young adult, is just gone. Poof. I know exactly why I am here on this earth and it is to be a mom and there is nothing else I want to be. I am HAPPY. This is ME.
I had someone tell me today that I should take more time for myself, go take a bubble bath or see a movie or take a walk, something that I enjoy for myself. And in my head I'm saying: you don't get it. I enjoy being with my kids. When I am not with my kids, I'm looking forward to the next time I can be with my kids. Taking a bubble bath or watching a movie or taking a walk is only something that I would do to pass the time when I can't be with my kids. Because being with my kids makes me happy. Even when I am scrubbing poop off the couch, or pulling my hair out, at my very center core, I am HAPPY. I want to be known as Timmy and Sally's mom, I'm proud of it, and I don't give a flying flip if I'm *supposed* to think that way or not. I just know it makes me happy.
And if you don't believe me, it's completely your loss.
I wonder if there's something about German society in particular that makes being a parent more stressful and less fulfilling.
I felt much the same as you.
I LOVE being a parent. I LOVED the baby stage....the preschool stage....the elementary age....even the teenage years. Now they are adults, and I love this stage too!
Was it hard at times? YES. Was it ultimately rewarding? YES YES YES!!!!
I loved summers with them, and I was sad when school started up again, because that meant our times for adventures was more limited. I loved the 2 weeks off at Christmas, because I had more time with them.
My kids gave me PURPOSE. Yes, I worked before kids and I work now, but NOTHING I've done has been as meaningful to me as raising my kids to be successful adults.
Wow, I have never had kids- I did not realize the toll raising children has on parents.
I'm so happy I'm childfree. I can't wait to never have kids! Being an aunt is more than enough for me.
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