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It sounds like the OP has taken all of the advice given to heart.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Dump her. Seriously.
This isn't the relationships board, but this relationship has a TON of red flags. First of all, this woman's child is CLEARLY having severe difficulties and she's not advocating for him. A five year old with those problems needs help. He's supposed to be her focus, and yet she's not stepping up because she doesn't want to rock the boat with HER OWN CHILD. That's a MAJOR character issue.
Secondly, you've been together a year, so she knows your dogs are important to you. She hasn't put her foot down with her child and just being around that kid is endangering them. If they bite him (which it sounds like he would deserve), they could end up being declared vicious or you could end up getting sued by his father.
Your "partner" is not a partner at all. She's industriously failing both her son and you. Get out now. Trust me - I speak as someone who dearly loved a man who was a crappy parent to his kid (who I also loved dearly). I left because he wouldn't step up to be the father his child needed. As far as I'm concerned, that alone is unforgivable in a partner. I don't want kids of my own, but personally I couldn't be with someone who didn't make every effort to do right by their child.
While I would not have phrased it quite as harshly, I agree with the essence of this post. One thing to consider is whether you ever plan to have children with this woman. She has shown what kind of parent she is, and what you'd be in for if you were to co-parent additional children with her. If you don't want to have children, with a lot of work and effort you might be able to work out some solution to dealing with this child (although, as others have mentioned, this likely will get worse, and you could still end up with this child full time).
I guess I'm saying if you don't want to be a parent, you likely should part ways with this woman. If you DO want to be a parent, you must part ways with this woman.
It's not your place or position to do anything else with this kid, although if you really cared, you wouldn't have contributed to this mess in the first place by getting involved with his nutbag mother.
That's uncalled for. How was she supposed to know her gf is a deadbeat parent?
She never did drugs while pregnant. But I'm not sure the bonding happened like it should have. No idea because I wasn't there. She was there for about three years with the father before leaving. Her reason for not taking custody was he has a much better support system with his family, more financially secure and doesn't struggle with depression, like she does. But last night I had an extremely long, and more intense conversation with my partner. I asked her why she wouldn't want to do what's necessary to be more stable etc. It seemed like I got through to her, but not putting stock in that yet. She has gotten the child's teachers name, as well as left a message for getting him tested as a first step. I have always been very careful to not step on her toes when it came to what I said about her and her son, but last night I laid it all out there. I have also come up with a fall back plan for myself if no true improvements are made, and I have to part from this relationship. As stated many times, if she can't be there for her son, she won't be there for me either.
It sounds like the OP has taken all of the advice given to heart.
While I would not have phrased it quite as harshly, I agree with the essence of this post. One thing to consider is whether you ever plan to have children with this woman. She has shown what kind of parent she is, and what you'd be in for if you were to co-parent additional children with her. If you don't want to have children, with a lot of work and effort you might be able to work out some solution to dealing with this child (although, as others have mentioned, this likely will get worse, and you could still end up with this child full time).
I guess I'm saying if you don't want to be a parent, you likely should part ways with this woman. If you DO want to be a parent, you must part ways with this woman.
I couldn't agree with you more. I do not want children of my own. I understand if anything happens to her child's dad then it's possible for me to become a full time co parent to him. But as far as me wanting to have children of my own, that's never something I've had much desire for. But if I did, I know it wouldn't be with her because I'd refuse to be around anyone that treat my child like that.
He might have ADHD, but he also might just be very angry. ADHD doesn't make you be mean to animals. But if you're an angry child, and he certainly has many reasons to be angry, that could make you be mean to animals.
He needs to see a therapist. Your girlfriend could start by asking the school psychologist or social worker to observe him in class and meet with him.
I couldn't agree with you more. I do not want children of my own. I understand if anything happens to her child's dad then it's possible for me to become a full time co parent to him. But as far as me wanting to have children of my own, that's never something I've had much desire for. But if I did, I know it wouldn't be with her because I'd refuse to be around anyone that treat my child like that.
This is exactly why you should get out of this relationship and move on. If she treats her own child like that she will eventually treat you badly as well. Talk is cheap, look at her actions, and it'll be obvious what kind of person she is and what you need to do. You deserve better.
She never did drugs while pregnant. But I'm not sure the bonding happened like it should have. No idea because I wasn't there. She was there for about three years with the father before leaving. Her reason for not taking custody was he has a much better support system with his family, more financially secure and doesn't struggle with depression, like she does. But last night I had an extremely long, and more intense conversation with my partner. I asked her why she wouldn't want to do what's necessary to be more stable etc. It seemed like I got through to her, but not putting stock in that yet. She has gotten the child's teachers name, as well as left a message for getting him tested as a first step. I have always been very careful to not step on her toes when it came to what I said about her and her son, but last night I laid it all out there. I have also come up with a fall back plan for myself if no true improvements are made, and I have to part from this relationship. As stated many times, if she can't be there for her son, she won't be there for me either.
Good job by you laying it out for her to see. Just don't fall for empty promises that will rob you of your self respect and dignity, and don't compromise yourself for the sake of someone else that wouldn't do the same thing for you or her own kid.
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