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Old 09-07-2015, 06:40 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 6,273,161 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
For one...state laws differ...at least a few states have no minimum age for leaving a child alone...and most states are around age 12. Also...many parents here just don't see a problem with a teen getting taco bell and brining it him to play x box with their cousin....we do see issues with the OP recording the teen non stop and now with you saying that a teenager can't do anything by themselves until age 18. It's not reality or healthy.

So...is this how you raised your teens...and how has it worked out for you?
I never, ever said that. I said you should not leave your 16 year old alone over night. Quite a difference so please don't put words in my mouth.

As far as my own kids; See above.

Young healthy adults in higher education, working, in fact my daughter got accepted at 3 separate theatre schools interstate via scholarship.

My son is only 19 and an Australian style 19 which seems to equate with the 12 year olds you describe.

He has friends of both sexes, they go out and party occasionally, but he works most of the time so spends many evenings in playing xbox.

I've never fooled myself that's all they did btw.

Well behaved boys playing xbox unsupervised = well behaved boys downloading porn unsupervised.

But I trusted him to NOT do it. I didn't remove his computer.

Im not some sort of overly controlling dragon lady, but an experienced mother who has also had a hand in raising extended family through these painful years and trust me my nieces threw EVERYTHING at me they possibly could including drugs, men, suicide attempts, self harm, on and on...(they have also grown into lovely mature working young 20 somethings)

Almost every single 16 year old Ive ever met CRAVES parental attention. That doesn't equal being a good kid btw, some of them get the attention by acting up in horrid ways.

Others pretend they don't want it, like my kids. Little Adults.

BUT THEY ARE NOT LITTLE ADULTS. Put your average 16 year old in some sort of emergency situation, and they will revert to toddler status immediately, because THEIR BRAINS ARENT GROWN. They will cry, panic, and look around for the nearest adult to Take Charge.

Its not their fault, not a personality failing or a trust issue - its a biological fact that cannot be escaped.

You can leave the kids alone all night, and nothing outrageous probably will happen - but life doesn't always go as planned.

If the unforeseen occurs, your mature and trustworthy 16 year old will immediately be a baby again, panicky, alone, scared....while you are off Having A Good Time or Whatever.

MISTAKE. In any language.

Let's also remember OP, who did trust her son and...she's here asking about Sneaky Behavour...!
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:28 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 6,273,161 times
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Remember the saying

"prevention is better than cure"

Stay in with your children folks!

And if you have a ? as to whether they are Children or not at 16, give em the keys to your car (theyre responsible! why not!) and let em drive unlicensed, have a smash, then find out the hard way who is responsible under the Law!

The Parent!
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:33 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 5,678,950 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
You act like none of us have raised children into adults. Your tone, quite frankly, sounds craaaaazy. I hardly believe you are a real person it is so out there. And the excessive use of caps makes me wonder.
And I don't buy that at that Australians never leave their kids for a night either before they are 18 - or that it's illegal. My daughter went to summer camp in the early 00s.....several camp councilors were Australian or from New Zealand. One Australian girl was 17. Sort of discounts the whole premise that it's illegal for Australians to be away from their children before age 18....heck....the girl was in another country for at least 6 if not 8 weeks!!
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
13,314 posts, read 12,213,094 times
Reputation: 22922
Why on earth would you leave a 16 year old home alone overnight? You're just asking for trouble.

You have SERIOUS trust issues. Who spies on their kid with a 24/7 video? If you don't trust him, why would you leave him home alone overnight AGAIN?
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:36 PM
 
5,413 posts, read 5,678,950 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
Remember the saying

"prevention is better than cure"

Stay in with your children folks!

And if you have a ? as to whether they are Children or not at 16, give em the keys to your car (theyre responsible! why not!) and let em drive unlicensed, have a smash, then find out the hard way who is responsible under the Law!

The Parent!
Most 16 year olds have drivers licencees...and why would a parent do something such as drive without a license, that is illegal at any age? Letting your child stay by themselves for a night at age 16 is not.Moderator cut: delete

Last edited by Miss Blue; 09-07-2015 at 09:38 PM.. Reason: calling a poster Troll is not allowed. Report please
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:42 PM
 
13,746 posts, read 22,603,775 times
Reputation: 38387
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
16 is LEGALLY A CHILD PEOPLE.

I don't know what your local CPS would have to say about leaving him alone overnight, but I can assure you, it wont be good.

You can leave your child alone once they're 18, not a problem!

But 16 years old is STILL A CHILD in every way except their bodies.

A mere 13 months earlier they were 14 years old>>14 summers to learn how to behave if your friends become rowdy when the parents are away for the night, how to not be scared if something crashes outside at 3am, how to cope if one of the animals has a sudden fit, the pipes burst, a stranger begins calling the house to frighten you...

The possibilities of DISASTER are endless, and being legally a child, OP is entirely responsible for it.

Much, much easier, and some would say KINDER, to stay in at night with your CHILD.
And a mere 13 months in the future those same 16 yr olds might be off to college.

I never worried about "might be" when I left my kids. They had demonstrated that they could be trusted. Which is not to say they never did anything that annoyed me, but they knew they were responsible for any repercussions.

I left my kids alone at night because I was fine with it, and they were too. There was not huge adjustment to college life, they had already handled peer pressure, temptation and assorted growing pains that so many freshman don't know how to deal with.
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:44 PM
 
10,194 posts, read 7,999,510 times
Reputation: 24040
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG View Post
And I don't buy that at that Australians never leave their kids for a night either before they are 18 - or that it's illegal. My daughter went to summer camp in the early 00s.....several camp councilors were Australian or from New Zealand. One Australian girl was 17. Sort of discounts the whole premise that it's illegal for Australians to be away from their children before age 18....heck....the girl was in another country for at least 6 if not 8 weeks!!
I agree. My kids went to summer camp this year and two counsellors were from Australia (student exchange!) and we're both under 18. Not only were they under 18 overnight, they were in a foreign country in charge of groups of your kids. I had no problem with it. Omg I left my kids alone in summer camp. Eek. What have I done.

Omg sometimes I leave my kids in the car (weather accounted for) and they are 10 and 9. God help me.
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
23,516 posts, read 25,077,393 times
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Raising children is an exercise in guiding them to adulthood. I don't understand the concept of never leaving them until they are adults. Slowly stepping back from the need to supervise and control their lives is entirely appropriate. By 16, an otherwise healthy, well adjusted teen ought to be capable of staying all night alone from time to time.
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Old 09-07-2015, 08:45 PM
 
1,611 posts, read 2,329,706 times
Reputation: 882
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Raising children is an exercise in guiding them to adulthood. I don't understand the concept of never leaving them until they are adults. Slowly stepping back from the need to supervise and control their lives is entirely appropriate. By 16, an otherwise healthy, well adjusted teen ought to be capable of staying all night alone from time to time.
'
Right, this is what professionals would recommend. If the child has earned trust, they can be trusted.

Pretty sure web-camming your teenager would not be recommended by anyone.

Teenagers do need some independence. The 16yo will be off to college in 2 years, and needs to be indpendent, will have access to Xbox and more, and will have access to parties where there is drinking and more. Kids that are overly sheltered often rebel.

If all your son did is order TacoBell and play XBox with his cousin and friend(s), I'd say he's a good kid and you should trust him (and that means TOSS the webcam...yes, get rid of it now! you can't do it can you? need it for "security"? be honest with yourself, you want to see who is coming and going...this spying is not healthy and you need to see a therapist about control issues).

And to the poster above who thinks leaving 16yo home alone is illegal, can you cite a source for that?
I think many people do this; you do have to know your kid; some WILL have big parties; many will not. I personally am not in a hurry to leave my teens home alone, but if I needed to, hopefully by that time, they will have the independence and responsibilty. IT's also good to know neighbors that can check in on them / watch the house if needed.
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Old 09-07-2015, 09:30 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 6,273,161 times
Reputation: 11954
Quote:
Originally Posted by snuffybear View Post
'
Right, this is what professionals would recommend. If the child has earned trust, they can be trusted.

Pretty sure web-camming your teenager would not be recommended by anyone.

Teenagers do need some independence. The 16yo will be off to college in 2 years, and needs to be indpendent, will have access to Xbox and more, and will have access to parties where there is drinking and more. Kids that are overly sheltered often rebel.

If all your son did is order TacoBell and play XBox with his cousin and friend(s), I'd say he's a good kid and you should trust him (and that means TOSS the webcam...yes, get rid of it now! you can't do it can you? need it for "security"? be honest with yourself, you want to see who is coming and going...this spying is not healthy and you need to see a therapist about control issues).

And to the poster above who thinks leaving 16yo home alone is illegal, can you cite a source for that?
I think many people do this; you do have to know your kid; some WILL have big parties; many will not. I personally am not in a hurry to leave my teens home alone, but if I needed to, hopefully by that time, they will have the independence and responsibilty. IT's also good to know neighbors that can check in on them / watch the house if needed.

If you're talking to me, I never said that.

Someone else said I said it.

Not quite the same thing.
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