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Old 02-16-2021, 11:03 PM
 
1 posts, read 82 times
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Over 5 years later, I hope things have been better for both of you.

Not long ago, I went through similar parenting from the teen's perspective, and I had many friends I became attached to who underwent similar or worse and who I felt I belonged with. I knew that we all had different things to deal with, but it was therapeutic to know that I trusted them and that I was trusted, most of all. (it was difficult not to be conflicted about my family life) Furthermore, it was difficult for me to feel safe in maturity and responsibility when I was afraid of confronting my family. It made me feel vulnerable, and I didn't want to be hurt. It has never been easy to realize how much my parents cared, and I can only hope that I blunted the edge for my friends, siblings who I cared for as best as I could.
It was no small toll on anyone's mental health (in my family and my friends) to grow up this way, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that you can find grace and trust in your relationship now.
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Old 02-19-2021, 09:05 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
8,639 posts, read 10,524,894 times
Reputation: 13288
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hummingbyrd View Post
I can't really think clearly because I am so angry. Last night I allowed my 16 year old to stay home alone overnight.. it was perhaps the 3rd time I have allowed this. I do have a wifi webcam that records 24/7 - I can check it from my phone, and this makes me feel far more comfortable.

So I leave him at 8pm. He's reachable by phone and all is good until about 11pm when suddenly the webcam shows as "disconnected". I immediately call him and he answers. He claims the power went out and therefore the wifi as well. The camera is not reconnecting - I now have him on FaceTime and I can see he is actually plugging and unplugging it and it's not turning back on. I'm at this point thinking that the power outage may have messed up the camera. I have him unplug the camera because it's making a whining noise from the power block. Done. He continues to be reachable throughout the night.

Fast forward to 2:45am. The camera program on my phone wakes me up to inform me of activity in the front room. I pull up the footage and I can see segments of my son walking around in the front room looking for something. I hear other guys voices - not a TV - after I replay it a couple times I can hear him (or them?) saying "the last place they saw it was in the bathroom" followed by my son telling someone to call it again. I called him up and asked him who he was talking to and he played dumb…. totally DUMB, like he didn't know what I was talking about and maybe he was just talking to himself. Really??? I told him to be honest - I told him I heard voices, 1 or 2... I asked him if it was his cousin who seemed the most likely person. He denied everything, even got a little indignant actually. He was bent out of shame about me questioning him & being suspicious. He sarcastically said "ok mom, yeah theres 3 people here, maybe even 4… or 5! Yeah.." He griped about me "spying on him" via my webcam. I asked him why he even was messing with it at all when I had already told him earlier to unplug it. He claims he was trying to make me feel more comfortable so he was trying to get it to work. (Huh?! Even though he feels I "spy" on him??) I told him I would play him the video in the morning.

I arrive back home and immediately start my investigating. I look in the outside garbage can and find a Taco Bell bag with a receipt from the night before, stamped at 11:05pm. Inside I find other incriminating evidence (the TV pulled out, an Xbox that is NEVER played having been connected to our router, more Taco Bell cups in the recycle bin inside). I took my sons phone (he was still asleep) and looked though it for some correspondence, but found nothing. I ask my him if he has decided to be honest. He says he doesn't know what I am talking about. I told him I have his cell and let him think about that for a few - and finally he comes out with it.

He claims that it was his cousin (my ex's nephew) and his cousins friend. So 2 people like I'd heard. He claims he just wanted to hang out with them and he "knew" I would say NO. He never even gave me the chance to say no, and I probably would have been ok with it, particularly if the camera wasn't only sporadically working (which btw he claims really did go out on its own). The curious thing is why he plugged it back in at all. THAT I don't get. He actually got himself caught.

What pisses me off for than anything is his lies and how indignant he was, how he gaslighted me even though I knew what I'd heard. It pisses me off that he didn't even give me the opportunity to say no - and for that matter, why didn't he just ask me and then go ahead and have them over anyway if I said no?? I mean, he knows he's not supposed to just have people over like that, so why not at least try to do the right thing first and THEN go ahead and be sneaky? I don't get it.

So I STILL have his phone. He is trying to claim that he learned his lesson, that he does't need a consequence. Of course. He's the only person I know that would learn without ANY consequence. Right. He wants his phone back before he leased for work at 2:30. I feel like I need to keep it for a while because he schemed on it and he screwed up. I am debating disconnecting his computer as well. I am just angry and probably reacting to that. What would you guys do? It's not the end of the world that they were here but it's extremely disappointing the way he handled himself.
So...you're surprised?
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Old Yesterday, 11:31 PM
 
7,295 posts, read 3,465,836 times
Reputation: 20018
2015.
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