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Old 09-05-2015, 08:27 PM
 
465 posts, read 340,156 times
Reputation: 957

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This is only beginning
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Old 09-05-2015, 09:36 PM
Status: "Joy cometh in the morning" (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
20,823 posts, read 26,123,691 times
Reputation: 56056
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hummingbyrd View Post
Wow now there is an assumption. I don't have a webcam to be spying on him 24/7. Spying kinda insinuates that he doesn't know about it. I can't "spy" on him when he knows it's there, but thanks for that.

I have a webcam because I worry about my house when WE are gone. I like to be able to check in, I like to be able to notified of any unexpected activity, I like to be able to check on my dog, etc. It's not just because of him. Is there something wrong with having a webcam in my front room?

I looked in the trash and saw the taco bell bag right on top, so i didn't actually dig through it. Has he done terrible things? Maybe not terrible, but sneaky… yes. Last thing was him staying home "sick" from school and smoking pot (which I found by looking in the trash).

Yeah we have communication issues, this is true. He acts very entitled and frankly, a little narcissistic, and I'm struggling with it. He wants what he wants when he wants it and anything less can so easily turn into a fight or sulking.

Do you have kids? I'm betting not.

My youngest is 19. Yes I have kids. I think you are violating your son's privacy. Your communication issues are not being made better by checking the trash for taco bell bags.

You don't give him any privacy - you are the one who is being sneaky - and he is responding. He smokes pot? I don't think that's very unusual for a 16 year old.

Having your child under 24/7 surveillance is very unusual behavior.

At 12 my kids were allowed to stay home alone. It builds confidence and it proves that you recognize that they are growing up.

Yes. There is something wrong with having a webcam in your front room.
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Old 09-05-2015, 10:11 PM
 
13,752 posts, read 22,638,296 times
Reputation: 38417
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hummingbyrd View Post
I understand that my reactions aren't healthy. They don't feel healthy. I can accept that. I can accept that I overreacted. FWIW I knew that I was reacting emotionally which is why I said in my OP: "I am just angry and probably reacting to that. What would you guys do? It's not the end of the world that they were here but it's extremely disappointing the way he handled himself." At that point I was trying to figure out what to do.

I guess I should not have called him after the webcam issue. I should have just talked to him when I got home and hoped he would discuss last nights events with me. Maybe he would, maybe he wouldn't.. and if not, his omission wouldn't help build trust. Maybe a calmer approach would have helped him relate to me better though.
I think you're on to something here.

Teens are experts at tuning out anger when it's directed at them. I found they listened best when I was calm, and gave them a chance to speak too.

It doesn't sound as though your son did anything more than have a couple of friends over without asking.
Concentrate on that, and let him know in the future, you would like to know ahead of time. And congratulate yourself on having a responsible kid.
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Old 09-06-2015, 05:03 AM
 
465 posts, read 340,156 times
Reputation: 957
OP. Everyone has teenager issues. I am confident that you set boundaries early. I am confident that you talked to him early about sex drugs etc. The reality is that every teenager is different and they all respond differently...there is no set pattern...you say this, they do this...ha ha I wish!!! The best advice that I can give you is to stay strong. Its a tough fight, and I think your fighting the good fight. I am confident that your doing the right thing.

Also, I did the same thing is regards to becoming frustrated with my teenagers and then venting my frustrations in this forum. Be careful with that because venting your frustrations in this specific forum parallels walking into a room filled with cheerleader gossip girls. Please don't take these Mother Theresa's to heart...behind the computer they hide a lot. In reality, you don't know who your dealing with, they could be doctors, police, 7 time divorcees, prostitutes, jobless, parentless blow hearts, etc...I will stop there because I think you get the idea. Since you don't know who your dealing with, I recommend having fun with them.

Again Stay Strong! That's what your child needs.
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Old 09-06-2015, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Finland
6,400 posts, read 6,186,635 times
Reputation: 10352
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
You were just ASKING for trouble!!!

16 is literally, insane.

Ask any doctor. The brain is still growing, and at age 16 it is soaked with impulse and irrationality.

Its like leaving a wild coyote locked up in your house and being mad when it tears your curtains.

ENTIRELY AVOIDABLE.

I know quite a few 16 year olds who have moved out of home and live independently, going to a high school in another city. They can manage just fine, although its too be expected that if they are left at home they will push the boundaries because that's what teenagers do. Once they're out on their own they set their own boundaries and manage just fine.
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Old 09-06-2015, 06:38 AM
 
Location: detroit mi
670 posts, read 560,668 times
Reputation: 1580
Just a FYI, wireless vidio cameras are very susceptible to being hacked into allowing other people to see into your home. At 16 you really need to cut the leash and let the teen do alot of their decision making. I understand the problem of him going behind your back, but most kids know what there parents are going to say when asked certain questions, such as having ppl over. In his head he was going to have his friends over either way so he was trying to do it with the least amount of hassle.

If hes 16 and not left over night much, thats going to make him kinda feel like hes on his own and hes going to wanna hang out with ppl while he has the place to him self. At that age, its very exciting to have the house to your self all night. He probably figured if he is mature enough to be trusted alone all night then hes mature enough to make the decision if a couple people could come hang out.

I think as we get older its harder and harder for us to remember what it was like at 16. kids and teens are going to naturally try to lie to keep from getting in trouble. Obviously he thought you would have a problem with ppl coming over. you might wanna ask him why he thought you would say no, it might come out that you so no to things more than you think. If I were you I wouldn't be to hard on him. At 16 hes going to do what he wants.to do with or without your permission.
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Old 09-06-2015, 11:14 AM
 
5,413 posts, read 5,691,041 times
Reputation: 9351
Quote:
Originally Posted by Where2now22 View Post
OP. Everyone has teenager issues. I am confident that you set boundaries early. I am confident that you talked to him early about sex drugs etc. The reality is that every teenager is different and they all respond differently...there is no set pattern...you say this, they do this...ha ha I wish!!! The best advice that I can give you is to stay strong. Its a tough fight, and I think your fighting the good fight. I am confident that your doing the right thing.

Also, I did the same thing is regards to becoming frustrated with my teenagers and then venting my frustrations in this forum. Be careful with that because venting your frustrations in this specific forum parallels walking into a room filled with cheerleader gossip girls. Please don't take these Mother Theresa's to heart...behind the computer they hide a lot. In reality, you don't know who your dealing with, they could be doctors, police, 7 time divorcees, prostitutes, jobless, parentless blow hearts, etc...I will stop there because I think you get the idea. Since you don't know who your dealing with, I recommend having fun with them.

Again Stay Strong! That's what your child needs.
And you could just as easily be a troll that gets his jollies by giving people horrible advice and hope they come back to share how screwed up it made things...because you can't handle people that got out of mommy's basement and take showers more than once a month.

See...that works two ways.
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Old 09-06-2015, 12:25 PM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 10,858,661 times
Reputation: 5548
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hummingbyrd View Post
Wow now there is an assumption. I don't have a webcam to be spying on him 24/7. Spying kinda insinuates that he doesn't know about it. I can't "spy" on him when he knows it's there, but thanks for that.

I have a webcam because I worry about my house when WE are gone. I like to be able to check in, I like to be able to notified of any unexpected activity, I like to be able to check on my dog, etc. It's not just because of him. Is there something wrong with having a webcam in my front room?

I looked in the trash and saw the taco bell bag right on top, so i didn't actually dig through it. Has he done terrible things? Maybe not terrible, but sneaky… yes. Last thing was him staying home "sick" from school and smoking pot (which I found by looking in the trash).

Yeah we have communication issues, this is true. He acts very entitled and frankly, a little narcissistic, and I'm struggling with it. He wants what he wants when he wants it and anything less can so easily turn into a fight or sulking.

Do you have kids? I'm betting not.


No, but no one I know uses a wifi camera to check up on their kids either. I think perhaps you are being a tad over protective is all, and blowing this a bit out of proportion. I understand that you are a little uncomfortable with leaving him home alone at night. That's a normal reaction with a lot of parents. You do have to learn to let go though.

Last edited by ~HecateWhisperCat~; 09-06-2015 at 12:35 PM..
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Old 09-06-2015, 12:46 PM
 
10,194 posts, read 8,019,098 times
Reputation: 24040
I could see using the webcam to see that your child made it home safe after school....but to check in on them randomly is creepy and invasive. What if your teen wanted to dance in their underwear in the living room while you were gone.

I think this all goes out the window if you are dealing witha highly defiant teen.
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Old 09-06-2015, 01:16 PM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 10,858,661 times
Reputation: 5548
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
I could see using the webcam to see that your child made it home safe after school....but to check in on them randomly is creepy and invasive. What if your teen wanted to dance in their underwear in the living room while you were gone.

I think this all goes out the window if you are dealing witha highly defiant teen.
I'm 30 and I still do that .
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