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Ok so I'm a single full time dad, late 30's with an 11 year old son. I currently live in the burbs of Fort Worth and looking to move closer into he city to be closer to my work, provide a little more exposure to culture for my son and hopefully put myself in a better environment to build a social life (I'm new to the state).
We currently live in an apartment and initially I thought renting a house would be ideal. Still close to the city amenities, walkable, opportunity for my son to mingle with the kids in the neighborhood instead of relying on arranged drop offs and pick ups and so forth. Now however I'm second guessing myself. My son is not much for getting outside, not very outgoing and overall as much as I believe pitting him in the enviroemtn will help he will probably still not take advantage. He even indicates that he would prefer to be in an apartment and even went as far as to say let's move downtown and have one of those rooftop patios to get a view of the skyline. I think I continue to try to put him in a position to be the kid I was growing up with high hopes however in the back of my mind realize it's not going to happen.
My question is, I can make the move and simply move into a nice apartment that very walkable to amenities of the city with a lot less upkeep and cost and just give up on trying to create childhood nirvana but I can't help but feel guilty. The area would be more surrounded by shopping, dining and adult themed (appropriate) things.
I almost see it as if he doesn't want the whole beaver cleaver living situation why should I force it. Could use some feedback!
It sounds as though the dog's fate has been decided.
OP, plenty of kids grow up in cities, and do just fine. But you need to make sure your son doesn't isolate himself inside. I thought the plan was to move to a neighborhood with lots of kids? Are you overlooking the best environment for him, in order to satisfy your own wants?
What dog? I didn't read anything about a dog in his post. Did I miss something?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigpapp
We currently live in an apartment and initially I thought renting a house would be ideal. Still close to the city amenities, walkable, opportunity for my son to mingle with the kids in the neighborhood instead of relying on arranged drop offs and pick ups and so forth. Now however I'm second guessing myself. My son is not much for getting outside, not very outgoing and overall as much as I believe pitting him in the enviroemtn will help he will probably still not take advantage. He even indicates that he would prefer to be in an apartment and even went as far as to say let's move downtown and have one of those rooftop patios to get a view of the skyline. I think I continue to try to put him in a position to be the kid I was growing up with high hopes however in the back of my mind realize it's not going to happen.
My question is, I can make the move and simply move into a nice apartment that very walkable to amenities of the city with a lot less upkeep and cost and just give up on trying to create childhood nirvana but I can't help but feel guilty. The area would be more surrounded by shopping, dining and adult themed (appropriate) things.
I almost see it as if he doesn't want the whole beaver cleaver living situation why should I force it. Could use some feedback!
James
That doesn't sound like something a child would say. View of the skyline? Anyway, I live in TX myself, and I know you won't save much money, if any, by living in an apartment. That's especially true if you're looking for a conveniently located high rise loft. Those are very pricey indeed, and they are also quite inconvenient in terms of living. Many residents rethink their decision the 100th time they have to haul four bags of groceries from HEB up the elevator. And I won't even go into what a pain in the neck it is to haul furniture up the elevator or stairs Apartments are also not as safe as homes in general because instead of having just a few neighbors, you have hundreds. You have no control over the shady characters who live next to you and the friends and family of said neighbors who drop by. At least with a home there are a lot fewer human variables to contend with.
A big advantage apartments have over homes is no yard work. In TX, cutting the grass is a regular chore, and the hot weather sure doesn't make it easier. However, since you mentioned your son doesn't like to be outside, yard work is a great way to spend some quality father/son time. You can get out the mower and have him use the weed eater or trim the hedges or rake leaves with you. Good luck with your decision.
What dog? I didn't read anything about a dog in his post. Did I miss something?
Different thread...
If you look at the threads the OP is trying to justify moving to a neighborhood with a better social scene for the OP...not his son. And in one thread he was wanting to get rid of his son's dog to do that. I guess that house fell through? I just wish the OP would stop asking questions that aren't real questions but rather looking for people to justify what he wants to do (and plans to do) but is feeling guilty about.
Ok so I'm a single full time dad, late 30's with an 11 year old son. I currently live in the burbs of Fort Worth and looking to move closer into he city to be closer to my work, provide a little more exposure to culture for my son and hopefully put myself in a better environment to build a social life (I'm new to the state).
We currently live in an apartment and initially I thought renting a house would be ideal. Still close to the city amenities, walkable, opportunity for my son to mingle with the kids in the neighborhood instead of relying on arranged drop offs and pick ups and so forth. Now however I'm second guessing myself. My son is not much for getting outside, not very outgoing and overall as much as I believe pitting him in the enviroemtn will help he will probably still not take advantage. He even indicates that he would prefer to be in an apartment and even went as far as to say let's move downtown and have one of those rooftop patios to get a view of the skyline. I think I continue to try to put him in a position to be the kid I was growing up with high hopes however in the back of my mind realize it's not going to happen.
My question is, I can make the move and simply move into a nice apartment that very walkable to amenities of the city with a lot less upkeep and cost and just give up on trying to create childhood nirvana but I can't help but feel guilty. The area would be more surrounded by shopping, dining and adult themed (appropriate) things.
I almost see it as if he doesn't want the whole beaver cleaver living situation why should I force it. Could use some feedback!
James
Seems his needs and personality are different from yours, so I think you should do what you believe is best for him, but not let him make the decision.
I live in a neighborhood full of kids. My kids play outside, but 90% of the kids here don't play outside. Sometimes a group of sulky little teenagers will come over to play pool with my oldest, but they all stand around checking their phones every minute or two. It seems like playing the way we did when we were kids, where we'd leave the house on our bikes in the morning and not come home until it was almost dark, is a thing of the past.
If you move downtown, there are probably still kids who live there and he'll meet them at school. Maybe they won't play outside but he'll be able to invite them over after school. Sitting on the couch playing video games works just as well downtown as it does in the suburbs. There are probably things to do with kids downtown too...museums, city events, family-friendly concerts, etc. In a couple of years when he can go places without you, he will really enjoy living somewhere walkable too.
Besides, renting an apartment is not a decision that will affect your entire life. If you try it for a year and the experience is not what you hoped it would be, you can move. One bad year is not enough to ruin your son's entire childhood, if it turned out to be a bad year.
The info about the dog gives me great concern. Moving is disruptive and traumatic enough for a kid. But getting rid of a family member, even an animal family member, at the same time is even more so. When you move, you should keep as much as possible the same for your kids. Obviously, a great many things can't be the same, but whatever you have to do to minimize the trauma is important. Unless the kid, for some reason, doesn't like or want the dog, keeping that dog should be a priority.
As others have said, plenty of kids are plenty happy in apartments. Wherever he lives/goes to school will have other kids, and presumably the kid will find friends. There are tons of neighborhoods that have no kids at all, and many apartment buildings that are full of them. Plenty of downtown areas provide just as much, if not more opportunities for being outside than a lot of SF houses do (opportunities to walk to restaurants, shops, barbers, etc., parks and playgrounds, dog parks, dog walks, etc.).
What dog? I didn't read anything about a dog in his post. Did I miss something?
That doesn't sound like something a child would say. View of the skyline? Anyway, I live in TX myself, and I know you won't save much money, if any, by living in an apartment. That's especially true if you're looking for a conveniently located high rise loft. Those are very pricey indeed, and they are also quite inconvenient in terms of living. Many residents rethink their decision the 100th time they have to haul four bags of groceries from HEB up the elevator. And I won't even go into what a pain in the neck it is to haul furniture up the elevator or stairs Apartments are also not as safe as homes in general because instead of having just a few neighbors, you have hundreds. You have no control over the shady characters who live next to you and the friends and family of said neighbors who drop by. At least with a home there are a lot fewer human variables to contend with.
A big advantage apartments have over homes is no yard work. In TX, cutting the grass is a regular chore, and the hot weather sure doesn't make it easier. However, since you mentioned your son doesn't like to be outside, yard work is a great way to spend some quality father/son time. You can get out the mower and have him use the weed eater or trim the hedges or rake leaves with you. Good luck with your decision.
I am from Texas myself but live in the Seattle area . My 14 year old daughter would and does say the same and she has many friends , she simply prefers urban living and wants to move downtown , In Seattle it IS actually more cost effective to rent than to buy , we were #2 on a list of 10 cities where it was cheaper to rent than buy because lots of people want to be here .
Our apt thats in a sort of sketchy part of town IS safer than a stand alone house.. people don't bother you yet if something is going on there will be someone that notices. Everyone here has to have a MAJOR background check and guests have rules , this is normal for most all apts these days . Not all apts are flop houses in Texas like you think they are and apt living is NOT the way you think it is .
She ( my kid ) also prefers the 3-15 floors as she feels safe up there . We have lived that way for years after coming off of our farm after 25 years . We board the horses . She rides , plays guitar and ice skates . and has her school activities .
So to the OP your child is fine , he simply likes to live in the city .. me too and a 14 year old girl who happens to belong to me !!
PS plus I am no longer burdened with yardwork, household repairs. new appliances anything that breaks or wears out gets replaced free .
Last edited by DutchessCottonPuff; 09-06-2015 at 06:55 PM..
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Anyway, I live in TX myself, and I know you won't save much money, if any, by living in an apartment. That's especially true if you're looking for a conveniently located high rise loft. Those are very pricey indeed, and they are also quite inconvenient in terms of living. Many residents rethink their decision the 100th time they have to haul four bags of groceries from HEB up the elevator. And I won't even go into what a pain in the neck it is to haul furniture up the elevator or stairs 
Apartments are also not as safe as homes in general because instead of having just a few neighbors, you have hundreds. You have no control over the shady characters who live next to you and the friends and family of said neighbors who drop by. At least with a home there are a lot fewer human variables to contend with. 
