Son won't let me hug him (smart, raise, family, childhood)

[Mnseca]

Maybe get a dog?

[Scrat335]

Originally Posted by mikesmom

My 22 year old son lives with us and I love him dearly. He is our only child and a good kid that pays his own bills, has a full time job, pays rent to us and is a very good person. But my heart is broken because he went from a very happy and affectionate kid to a solemn, unaffectionate adult. I know he loves me and has no problem telling me in texts, but when I am moved to give him a hug or any gesture of love, he backs away which kills me inside. I have been trained not to show him any affection and I hate it. He knows it breaks my heart. What mother's heart wouldn't be? He tells me he has a problem with "personal space". There are just those times when your kid looks a certain way or you are so happy for them for whatever reason and the natural thing to do is to show your love with a hug or kiss.
Anyone else have this issue with an adult child? I was hoping as he matured, he would warm up, but it only seems to get worse.

You're reading way too much into this. He's grown up now and wants his space. I did the same thing with my mom and she got the message that a hug was okay occasionally but I didn't want the life sucked out of me. Don't worry about it.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by gentlearts

I disagree. A son who won’t hug his mother (he doesn’t have to like it) is just being a selfish ass.

Well, I sort of disagree with you. Some mothers are excessive huggers and some adult children are reluctant huggers. Just because a son does not want to hug his mom multiple times a day does not mean that he is being a "selfish ass". Now, if his mom is upset because she lost her job or her best friend died or she was diagnosed with cancer and wants a hug and her son refuses to hug her then he may be a selfish ass.

[Mattie]

My sons hug their SOs, my husband hugs me. We're all happy. It's time to let the boy go into other arms.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by gentlearts

I disagree. A son who won’t hug his mother (he doesn’t have to like it) is just being a selfish ass.

A mom who instists on hugging anyone who CLEARLY does not want to be hugged is a selfish a#&. If it were a dad wanting to force his daughter to hug him, people would be furious, screaming bloody murder and RAPIST!

As a human, you owe NOBODY a touch.

[Charlotteborn]

I know this is an old thread but I was really surprised by the number of posts from people that don't like to be hugged.

I would be devastated if my kids wouldn't hug me. Luckily, they do so I don't have that concern.

[PriscillaVanilla]

Originally Posted by Charlotteborn

I would be devastated if my kids wouldn't hug me. Luckily, they do so I don't have that concern.

I wouldn't care if my kids hugged me or not. I'd rather that they show love through other ways, such as respecting boundaries. Not everyone is into physical affection, that is okay.

[budlight]

I grew up and my parents never hugged me. It makes sense now that I really don't like hugs. I will give my wife or daughter a hug once in a while but not often. Incidentally, they hug each other often. Honestly, what irritates me is these phony people who feel the need to say "I love you" all the time. Do you really need to say that in public in front of everyone else or is it all for show. The once person who says it constantly is the nastiest person I ever met. Totally insincere.

[mdcmm-78]

Originally Posted by mikesmom

My 22 year old son lives with us and I love him dearly. He is our only child and a good kid that pays his own bills, has a full time job, pays rent to us and is a very good person. But my heart is broken because he went from a very happy and affectionate kid to a solemn, unaffectionate adult. I know he loves me and has no problem telling me in texts, but when I am moved to give him a hug or any gesture of love, he backs away which kills me inside. I have been trained not to show him any affection and I hate it. He knows it breaks my heart. What mother's heart wouldn't be? He tells me he has a problem with "personal space". There are just those times when your kid looks a certain way or you are so happy for them for whatever reason and the natural thing to do is to show your love with a hug or kiss.
Anyone else have this issue with an adult child? I was hoping as he matured, he would warm up, but it only seems to get worse.

Tell him what you just said here. That you love him and want to demonstrate that in a way that works for him. Do it the way he prefers. It's true that everyone is different and forcing it will not help.

We all have a need for touch and physical affection. In your case, you will not get it from him so you have to look elsewhere.

It sounds like you needs big hugs is there anyone else you know who does not mind affection that can provide hugs from time to time? Another source of touch could be a pet or stuffed animal.

Hope this helps!

[mikesmom]

Originally Posted by convextech

Not any normal mother of an adult kid that I know of. At 22yo they are adults and don't want their mother all over them, texting "I love you" and wanting hugs constantly.

You are so into your adult kid that your alias name even reflects that.

Your son is telling you to back off.

You are way too involved with him, IMHO.

Really amazes me what people have read into my post. Talk about an ocassionally spontaneous hug, and this has been twisted into “constantly” and other unrelated comments. I am married have three dogs so I am not short of affection by any means. I think it’s very sad how people think affection is bad and how some people have had such affection deprived childhoods. Sorry some think wanting to give a hug once in a blue moon is “too involved”. Don’t know about your upbringing or how your family shows live, if at all, but in my experience giving a hug to someone you love is quite normal. Not talking daily, weekly or monthly folks... once in a blue moon.