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Update from original poster*****
My son is no longer a teen but a 27 year old man. With age and maturity, and smart girlfriends, he now tells me he loves me every time we talk. He has been out of our house for two years and the biggest change is how much he appreciates how I have always been there for him and can express his love more fully now both physically and verbally. He calls once a week and we text about nonsense daily. Close to his girlfriend as well. Life is good.
When one of my male relatives became a teenager, they told me we could no longer hug full-on, that it had to be sideways, and I got the vibe he didn't want to be kissed either.
I think it's just individuation - healthy distancing to form their own boundaries.
It’s been eight years since I wrote this post. So much has happened as things always do with time.
My son was out of the house for five years, and moved back in last month to save for Paramedic school. He is EMT. In this time period, I have lost my father, MIL and the last of my three dogs plus have had cancer twice and a knee replacement. Good times
Things are very different as we have both aged and matured. He will be 30 next month!! It’s been wonderful for us to have him and his three year old rescue with us.
I started a women’s group in my area two years ago and have 200 members. Evidently, most older women can relate to my original post and now we are all supporting each other through life’s ups and downs as senior citizens.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom
My 22 year old son lives with us and I love him dearly. He is our only child and a good kid that pays his own bills, has a full time job, pays rent to us and is a very good person. But my heart is broken because he went from a very happy and affectionate kid to a solemn, unaffectionate adult. I know he loves me and has no problem telling me in texts, but when I am moved to give him a hug or any gesture of love, he backs away which kills me inside. I have been trained not to show him any affection and I hate it. He knows it breaks my heart. What mother's heart wouldn't be? He tells me he has a problem with "personal space". There are just those times when your kid looks a certain way or you are so happy for them for whatever reason and the natural thing to do is to show your love with a hug or kiss.
Anyone else have this issue with an adult child? I was hoping as he matured, he would warm up, but it only seems to get worse.
He may not like hugs or be touchy feely BUT, it’s weird he was affectionate as a child & it’s changed. It’s not like a quick hug to his mom is a super big deal if he was thinking about his mom or feeling appreciative. It lacks feeling or empathy but it’s the change that stands out more than anything IMO. Has he ever been diagnosed with a mental health problem...like depression?
I’m more affectionate with my parents now than I was as a teen. It’s like everything they did kind of annoyed me then but IMO, that’s normal teen stuff. Now that I’m an adult, I appreciate them & love hugs. Ofc, I’m a woman but I see that in the men I know too.
edit:
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom
It’s been eight years since I wrote this post. So much has happened as things always do with time.
My son was out of the house for five years, and moved back in last month to save for Paramedic school. He is EMT. In this time period, I have lost my father, MIL and the last of my three dogs plus have had cancer twice and a knee replacement. Good times
So sorry..life can throw us a lot but having supportive ppl around is super important. Is your son still the same way? Is his dad involved? You keep saying “my” son….so, it seems like he isn’t. Maybe your son has feelings about that. Did you raise him by yourself?
Last edited by TashaPosh; 04-18-2023 at 02:29 PM..
I'm not sure how to feel about this one lol. Some people are simply more affection than others. To me a 22 yr old is still basically a teenager even though they're technically not. I can see why they might not be into being touchy feely with parents or other parental figures. I also get that as a parent we want to hug our kids. I guess that is a harsh reality of parenting...there will come a day when your kids might not want to hug you anymore. Hopefully he comes around again.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msRB311
I also get that as a parent we want to hug our kids. I guess that is a harsh reality of parenting...there will come a day when your kids might not want to hug you anymore. Hopefully he comes around again.
IMO, it’s common with teens. But….as a pregnant woman who just started reading some of the parenting threads, I look at it more optimistically than a “harsh reality of parenting”. I’ve looked back a lot on my teens with my own parents AND my friends. Our parents couldn’t do anything right. But, like they say, it’s amazing how much they learned by the time we entered our 20s. We grew up. We realize they love us & did their best. It’s all that matters. So..IMO, most adults are going to be ok with giving their parents hugs especially if they did it as kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom
I started a women’s group in my area two years ago and have 200 members. Evidently, most older women can relate to my original post and now we are all supporting each other through life’s ups and downs as senior citizens.
Do you also have a husband or significant other in the picture? Wishing you health & happy times.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,570,402 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by msRB311
There simply are some harsh realities in the world about lots of things that people have no idea on until they experience it.
Ofc….tho thinking our baby will grow up & refuse to hug us when he or she is an adult isn’t one of them. There are some harsh realities about to happen in several months tho…like less sleep. AND, morning sickness now. We are going to take it day by day.
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but IMO, that’s normal teen stuff. Now that I’m an adult, I appreciate them & love hugs. Ofc, I’m a woman but I see that in the men I know too. 
AND, morning sickness now. We are going to take it day by day.
