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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat
Maybe she should have taught him respect as a 10yr old and he'd be giving her hugs now. I don't care how old they are. My boys are going to get hugs from me.
Respecting someone and showing intimate affection to someone are two different things. I respect a lot of people but only hug like 3 or 4 people total. The OP probably did teach her son respect but she likely did something to lose a lot of her son's respect she is not telling us, leading to the reluctance of the son to give intimate affection to her.
My 22 year old son lives with us and I love him dearly. He is our only child and a good kid that pays his own bills, has a full time job, pays rent to us and is a very good person. But my heart is broken because he went from a very happy and affectionate kid to a solemn, unaffectionate adult. I know he loves me and has no problem telling me in texts, but when I am moved to give him a hug or any gesture of love, he backs away which kills me inside. I have been trained not to show him any affection and I hate it. He knows it breaks my heart. What mother's heart wouldn't be? He tells me he has a problem with "personal space". There are just those times when your kid looks a certain way or you are so happy for them for whatever reason and the natural thing to do is to show your love with a hug or kiss.
Anyone else have this issue with an adult child? I was hoping as he matured, he would warm up, but it only seems to get worse.
I bet that there is a big difference in how often YOU feel a hug & a kiss are appropriate and when HE feels that they are appropriate.
Coming home from work every single night? TOO OFTEN
Returning home after a two week vacation? OK
When he shares that he had a good day at work? TOO OFTEN
When he shares that he was promoted to Vice President of the company? OK
Just because it is a Tuesday, or a Wednesday, or the weekend? TOO OFTEN
Just because it is his birthday or Christmas? OK
Our 28 year old daughter, who also lives with us, is also not a hugger. We hug about once every three or four or five months and that is OK (or even slightly too much for her).
She hugged us when she returned from studying abroad for six months and said "This is fine (hugging) now but let's not make a habit of it."
Very interesting responses here. Really seemed to touch everyone a different way. I'm sad to hear of the bad experiences people had with relatives/parent's where they don't like physical contact of any kind. What a sad way to live. I won't give any comment to those who chose to believe the worst. There will always be those comments no matter what you post.
I have taken away very helpful thoughts from those that inspired me. I have an amazing kid that has two parents that are still together and know how much he is loved, respected and admired for so many wonderful things and in return, he shows his love in his own way, one that I understand much more now thanks to others having gone through similar feelings like him and like me. I got this
Hi I wanted to reply to your post on your adult son won’t let you hug him. My son won’t let me near him as well. He was always very affectionate when he was younger. I don’t know what has happened to him. He says that he’s like that with his friends too. My heart is broken. He is my only son. Have you heard any advice from any one else? Please let me know what you found out.
Thank you
Broken hearted
Pat Heidt
Hi I wanted to reply to your post on your adult son won’t let you hug him. My son won’t let me near him as well. He was always very affectionate when he was younger. I don’t know what has happened to him. He says that he’s like that with his friends too. My heart is broken. He is my only son. Have you heard any advice from any one else? Please let me know what you found out.
Thank you
Broken hearted
Pat Heidt
Please read this thread, Not everyone is a hugger when they become adults. There is nothing wrong with that. I would rather know that my adult child loves me, even if they only hug me once every few months, or few years, than have them feel uncomfortable and pressured to hug me when they do not want to do that or show "fake affection" by hugging me when they do not love me.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 18 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,356,252 times
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I'm not a hugger. Don't take it personally. Some people just aren't into giving/receiving hugs. There's different ways to express your love towards one another. There's good book called The 5 Love Languages. It explains love can be expressed in 5 different ways.
You shouldn't guilt people into giving hugs, they might start to resent you. On the outside, they may smile and awkwardly hug you back but on the inside, they wonder why you keep pushing them to do something they don't want to.
As stated before, not everyone is a hugger. Some people might have been huggers before but they aren't now; maybe they will become huggers again at some point. Your son has changed the way that he tells you that he loves you, you should respect that. As an adult, he has the right to make decisions like this for himself.
Nobody should be forced into physical affection and trying to force it on someone indicates a huge problem with the person who is pushing hugs, kisses, etc. on someone who does not want that. Not everyone equates physical touching with "love".
Nobody should be forced into physical affection and trying to force it on someone indicates a huge problem with the person who is pushing hugs, kisses, etc. on someone who does not want that. Not everyone equates physical touching with "love".
I disagree. A son who won’t hug his mother (he doesn’t have to like it) is just being a selfish ass.
^ Agree. Consistently withholding appropriate expressions of affection from a loved one is extremely selfish and cruel.
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My son too
