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Old 09-07-2015, 03:09 PM
 
133 posts, read 189,985 times
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My 22 year old son lives with us and I love him dearly. He is our only child and a good kid that pays his own bills, has a full time job, pays rent to us and is a very good person. But my heart is broken because he went from a very happy and affectionate kid to a solemn, unaffectionate adult. I know he loves me and has no problem telling me in texts, but when I am moved to give him a hug or any gesture of love, he backs away which kills me inside. I have been trained not to show him any affection and I hate it. He knows it breaks my heart. What mother's heart wouldn't be? He tells me he has a problem with "personal space". There are just those times when your kid looks a certain way or you are so happy for them for whatever reason and the natural thing to do is to show your love with a hug or kiss.
Anyone else have this issue with an adult child? I was hoping as he matured, he would warm up, but it only seems to get worse.
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Old 09-07-2015, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Sugarmill Woods , FL
6,234 posts, read 6,454,480 times
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Everyone is different.
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Old 09-07-2015, 06:54 PM
 
Location: My beloved Bluegrass
15,876 posts, read 11,687,728 times
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Some people really do value their personal space. I'm not a touchy-feely person and it takes everything in my power to resist the urge to run away from my husband's close sitting, always touching relatives who just love to hug each other.... and me. It's not that I don't love them, because I do, it's just that all that hugging and kissing is not my thing. I hated the year I taught kindergarten because they insisted on touching me all the freakin' time, even though I really did love my students.

Give him his space and don't take it personally. It's not about you, it's about him.
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:04 PM
 
14,249 posts, read 15,448,691 times
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yes some kids and adults do not want to be hugged. respect his wishes and be happy he expresses his love for you in other ways. try not to take it personal.
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:10 PM
 
10,194 posts, read 7,702,863 times
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Besides the hug issues do you see any sign of depression or other mental health issues? Not everyone likes to be hugged. But if he was cool with it all along and changed his mind at 22..I'd worry something was going on. My young men (children) became more huggy in their 20s.
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
48,766 posts, read 47,054,962 times
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One of my 19-year-olds is not really a hugger, but we worked it out where I told him that I understand that he is not a touchy-feely person, but could he understand that every once in a while I would like to hug him??

Now whenever I feel the urge, I say, "OK, I'm coming in for a hug," and I do it and move on. It helped him understand that love and affection are reciprocal, and that we sometimes have different needs.
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:11 PM
 
133 posts, read 189,985 times
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Thank you to the last two posts. Gives me another perspective. The only difference is that he was a very loving and affectionate kid and those wonderful times are still fresh in my heart.
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Old 09-07-2015, 07:18 PM
 
133 posts, read 189,985 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
One of my 19-year-olds is not really a hugger, but we worked it out where I told him that I understand that he is not a touchy-feely person, but could he understand that every once in a while I would like to hug him??

Now whenever I feel the urge, I say, "OK, I'm coming in for a hug," and I do it and move on. It helped him understand that love and affection are reciprocal, and that we sometimes have different needs.
I'm going to suggest this to my son. Thank you for your post and I'm glad you were able to reach a compromise. Going without hugging him has been very hard. I hope he's not like this with the girls he dates.
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Old 09-07-2015, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Oceania
8,610 posts, read 6,635,319 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikesmom View Post
Thank you to the last two posts. Gives me another perspective. The only difference is that he was a very loving and affectionate kid and those wonderful times are still fresh in my heart.

It would have broken my mom's heart and I wouldn't be able to live with that as we grew up knowing mom was going to hug and or kiss us at any given moment. It's a mother's right as far as I am concerned unless in the company of your friends who might no feel OK with it.
Screw them anyway cause they aren't friends if they don't get it.
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Old 09-07-2015, 10:41 PM
 
805 posts, read 852,334 times
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Have you asked him for a hug? I don't like people touching or hugging me without warning. I don't give hugs unless someone asks. Its just my personality.
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