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OP, if you have no natural desire to interact with the kid, don't force yourself to act in way you think you should be acting.
I am a 40y/o father of two toddlers, and I love genuinely playing/interacting with my own kids.
However, I have absoultely no interest in other kids, and don't even pretend to care when other people's kids are around me.
I am not a person who sings songs or makes up stories. I can read the heck out of a book, but I don't make up stories. Even so, all my kids know I love them.
You don't have to do that. The best thing you can do is be yourself. You can be caring and loving without having to act like a kid. Just talk to her and be with her. Let her guide your interactions. ASK her questions. Show her stuff. See what she says. But don't try to be something you're not.
Exactly this. and shame on your girlfriend for trying to force you to do things you do not want to do.
I feel the same way when I have to interact with young children - I'm 28. I don't really know how to talk to them, or interact with them. I can't have a proper discussion or conversation with them so I have to talk to them like I talk to my dog. It makes me feel silly, lol.
It's not that hard. Just let yourself be a kid again. Play trucks, dolls, whatever. Stop caring about who judges you or how silly you look.
Exactly this. and shame on your girlfriend for trying to force you to do things you do not want to do.
I disagree. G/F and toddler are a package deal. Even if the child's dad is in the picture and is being a dad, the OP is still going to be a significant figure in her life growing up and as long as she'll remember, the OP was always in her life.
G/F needs to know if the man she's dating is going to be a positive role model for her growing up and help her raise a child. When she's dealing with adversity, she's going to need someone to help and support her....and not just sit on the couch, watch football and wonder when the next time he'll get to have sex is.
For all we know she's asking for him to read a book with her child for 10 mins so she can make dinner, or take a shower. To me that's not "forcing someone to be a dad". She needs to know that this guy is the right guy for "them".
Sorry OP if i'm reaching and making incorrect assumptions. This sort of thread hits home to be because my G/F has a young toddler that I've become attached to (I have a child the same age as well). You really do date both as a package deal. You can't just date the girl and expect to not be a "parent" to her child as well. Not going to happen. You just need to discuss with her what those terms are and what her expectations are of you.
OP, do you genuinely want to have a relationship with this child and simply don't know how? Or are you not particularly interested in the kid, and are trying to figure out how to minimize your involvement while still keeping your girlfriend happy?
If the former, then instead of trying to force yourself into the mold of what your girlfriend sees as proper fatherhood, figure out what makes you comfortable. Maybe you would like to share your own interests with the girl; take her fishing, or watch football together, or go for a walk. If you like reading (and even if you don't!) then read to her. Yeah, toddler books aren't exactly the most intellectually stimulating; but so what?
Another approach would be to find out what the girl likes and then do those things with her. Does she like princesses? Then watch Frozen with her and help her play with her Anna and Elsa dolls. Does she like to build towers out of blocks? Then challenge her to see who can build the taller tower. (You'll score points if you "accidentally" knock yours over, thus letting hers be the taller one.)
And finally, don't be afraid to be a little silly. Young children are very silly creatures, and you will relate to them much better if you can be silly too.
But if you aren't particularly interested in the girl, then do everyone a favor and break up with your girlfriend immediately. Yes, I'm being serious. Your girlfriend and her daughter are a package deal and cannot be separated; you either "date" both of them or neither of them.
But if you aren't particularly interested in the girl, then do everyone a favor and break up with your girlfriend immediately. Yes, I'm being serious. Your girlfriend and her daughter are a package deal and cannot be separated; you either "date" both of them or neither of them.
I'm 27, male. My girlfriend has a 3 year old daughter, and I somewhat dread having to interact with her. I have no 'game' when it comes to kids, I literally haven't had to interact with any of them since I was one of them myself. I feel really silly, I don't know what to say to her. My mind just goes blank, I just can't bring myself to act in 'that way', especially when I know an adult is listening. Every now and then girlfriend will put me on the spot by asking me, or encouraging her daughter to ask me, to sing her a song or make up a story or something, and I've got nothing. This isn't a new situation either, I've known them both for two years. It was alright at first when her daughter didn't talk much.
Girlfriend wants me to be a dad to her daughter and I'd somewhat like to do that but this hang-up is making me want to bail. She has just asked me to record a video for her daughter on my phone and send her it, I've made up some bull**** transparent excuse to avoid doing it and have no doubt made her angry at me. Am I stuck like this or can it be overcome?
If your not into her daughter, the sooner you move on the better, the kid isn't going anywhere.
Aren't you going to want to travel more ? at the mercy of her getting a sitter everytime ?
I'm 27, male. My girlfriend has a 3 year old daughter, and I somewhat dread having to interact with her. I have no 'game' when it comes to kids, I literally haven't had to interact with any of them since I was one of them myself. I feel really silly, I don't know what to say to her. My mind just goes blank, I just can't bring myself to act in 'that way', especially when I know an adult is listening. Every now and then girlfriend will put me on the spot by asking me, or encouraging her daughter to ask me, to sing her a song or make up a story or something, and I've got nothing. This isn't a new situation either, I've known them both for two years. It was alright at first when her daughter didn't talk much.
Girlfriend wants me to be a dad to her daughter and I'd somewhat like to do that but this hang-up is making me want to bail. She has just asked me to record a video for her daughter on my phone and send her it, I've made up some bull**** transparent excuse to avoid doing it and have no doubt made her angry at me. Am I stuck like this or can it be overcome?
Your gf is being unreasonable and living in a fantasy world. Fact is, the men we have kids with are not always the parents we want or expect them to be. Men don't seem to get "cute," and most of them don't do baby talk or any of the cutesy baby stuff women do. My husband hated the baby years, and is basically biding time until my son is old enough to have an adult conversation. Perhaps because the baby's father isn't around, the gf still has this fantasy where daddy is just like mommy, but a man. And not being the actual father, you don't feel comfortable disappointing her in that. But you have every right to.
As long as you treat the little girl with respect and affection, don't get angry or be mean, pay some attention to her when she needs it, there is no reason you have to do baby talk or anything silly. If I ask my husband to make a video like that, he'll just look into the phone deadpan and say something like, "hi, it's dad. i'm at work. this is my video." So just relax and be yourself, even if yourself is not going to do anything silly or cutesy around babies.
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