Middle school drama (bullying, parents, girls, activities)
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Sorry to rant, but oh my gosh I am so sick of the drama that has came along with my daughter (7th grade this year) and her group of friends! Every day it's "Suzie didn't invite me to hang with her and Linda, Josie's mad at Lucy because Lucy said something bad about her, Sharon's mad at me because I said she was being annoying" etc. I figured the drama would die down during the summer, but truthfully it's gotten worse. One day she's overjoyed with the fact that she and Suzie had a blast together, the next day she's in tears because a different girl is mad that their "excluding the other friends."
She has other friends outside of her group of close friends, but she finds that it's no different with anyone else! Part of the problem is the parents of the girls in the class- most of them have the "my child is better than yours attitude", and can't fathom that their little angel of a daughter might possibly be doing something wrong, but there comes a point where you can't blame the parents, because in the end, it's the girls who choose their actions. I routinely tell my daughter to treat others the way she'd like the be treated, but as she put it, "when you're in a fight with someone and they're insulting you, you don't think about being nice, you fight back". I know how that is.. I was a kid at one point too, but I just don't remember there being so much drama!
Facebook hasn't helped the matter at all. As I read through some of the conversations they've had on there, it's quite obvious they'd never say that to each others faces. I do limit the time she spends on there- 15 minutes per day.
Anyone have experience with this? I do have an older dd as well (turning 15 in a week) but we've been very luckly with the fact that almost all of the kids in her class have a good head screwed on their shoulders.
I hear you. I hope your daughters drama doesn't last as long as it did for mine. It started in middle school and didn't end until HS graduation. I was so relieved when she went away to college just because I couldn't take it anymore. Fortunately college was basically drama free. She just had a really weird social group that she went through school with. A teacher friend told me it sometimes happens like that, where an entire graduating class has a rep for just not mixing well.
When my dd was in sixth grade, we had a lot of this. She is 37 now. I ended up switching her to a school across town that had a more immigrant population and also a bigger population of less affluent kids. That stopped a lot of the drama as the kids in the new school simply were not as into *stuff* as the kids in our neighborhood were. She is still friends with her 7th grade locker partner.
You might want to read Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman
and Queen Bee Moms and King Pin Dads by the same author
My daughter is going into fifth grade, and the drama started in fourth. She has some good friends from different groups (but we know that the real cliques haven't started yet). What has helped her is being involved in community theater. She has friends outside of school, and she's working toward something concrete and beyond herself, and so she doesn't have time (or the inclination) to fritter away on facebook or gossip. Also, it helps that she's not available every time a friend calls, in my opinion. She's less in need of the peer group than they are of each other.
I think all kids should be involved in community work. It helps them understand that there is life outside their small circles. It's easier to ignore the drama when children are led to understand how truly insignificant that all is.
So many of today's mothers are more concerned with their daughters being popular than in raising them with values. Case in point, one mom I know found out that her daughter was text-bullying another girl. She told me that she was disappointed in her daughter but that girls just naturally go through this. I asked, "does she still have a cell phone?" And the mom seemed surprised that I would suggest this as a natural consequence. Yeah. That's the problem right there.
My daughter is going to be a Junior in HS next week and it's been high drama from Middle school on. My son will be a Freshman... but he hasn't had to deal with the drama much at all (the difference between boys and girls?).
I will say that my oldest daughter has been a pretty dramatic person her whole life... and that may have lead to her being in the middle of alot of dramatics the last few years. I am hoping that it gets better as all the kids get into the higher HS grades... don't they stop worrying about each others' lives at some point??
Surprisingly, school was very drama-free for me.
I was always the friend that "fixed" things. Patched up fights between people and worked as a mediator with a lot of people.
I never was in the fights.
The only issues I ever had was because my mom didn't like my friends, she never wanted me to hang out with them because she thought I was going to get into the same stuff they did but I never did and I was friends with who I was friends with and I would rather have people im happy to be friends with than no one at all.
My brother has a lot of drama. He gets picked on at school. The kids think he is emo and he is FAR FAR from it. They pick on him for his looks etc. Its ****ty to watch him go through it all. He is 16 and in high school, he's in shape, he's tan, he's athletic. Its the girls drama that fuels all this.
I wouldn't allow my 7th grader to have a Facebook, MySpace or anything like that. Too much cyber-bullying goes on and that's the last thing you need ---- the girl drama invading your home via the internet.
Get her involved in something outside the group.... tennis, cheerleading, theater, sports, etc. She will be involved in positive activities adn will be around other kids who are a positive influence.
When kids are bored (as seems to be the case with your daughter's group), they somehow "find" drama and have to escalate it. There is always 1 who is "left out" this week, in the next, etc.
As a previous poster said, read Queen Bees and Wannabees. Also, watch "The Clique" movie and "Mean Girls". You will get some major perspective!
oh I so do not look forward to this stuff. I feel for you and your DD. I can only imagine what it will be like in 7 more years. I saw 2 little girls having "drama" in the Chick Fil A indoor playground one day. They must have been 5 or 6 at most.
As parents I don't think we should just accept it. But a lot of the parents I know push the pretty factor vs the character factor in girls. Little girls bragging about being pretty and parents just encouraging it. I hope they can pay bills with their looks when they get older.
I wouldn't allow my 7th grader to have a Facebook, MySpace or anything like that. Too much cyber-bullying goes on and that's the last thing you need ---- the girl drama invading your home via the internet.
Get her involved in something outside the group.... tennis, cheerleading, theater, sports, etc. She will be involved in positive activities adn will be around other kids who are a positive influence.
When kids are bored (as seems to be the case with your daughter's group), they somehow "find" drama and have to escalate it. There is always 1 who is "left out" this week, in the next, etc.
As a previous poster said, read Queen Bees and Wannabees. Also, watch "The Clique" movie and "Mean Girls". You will get some major perspective!
Yes! I wholeheartedly agree, especially the no facebook/myspace part. I would add that an activity with kids from other schools is a great idea too. Kids need a break from the group.
Oh my gosh. I remember 7th and 8th grade being the pinnacle of drama. For us it was AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) and people would chat and have other people over reading the chats or print them out and read them at school about who does what and who likes who. It seems like the end of the world at the time.
As for the mean girls with the "I wasnt invited" or "she said I said", my motto is people are mean as you allow them to be. No one can hurt your feelings without your consent. I had SOOO much of this drama when I was this age. Now I just laugh because they all ended up knocked up or in jail.
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I feel for you and your DD. I can only imagine what it will be like in 7 more years. I saw 2 little girls having "drama" in the Chick Fil A indoor playground one day. They must have been 5 or 6 at most. 
