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We did the notes with the teacher in years past but this year they want the kids to be fully responsible for keeping track, doing, and turning in their own homework. That's why this is the worst year so far regarding this issue. I will try and mention it at out conference but so far they don't seem like that's an option.
They do send home a homework is not an option sheet when its late, and we have to sign it and if he doesn't turn said homework in the next day, he then stays an hour after school. But this hasn't deterred the behavior either.
And we have spoken to him about doing 6th grade again and he states he doesn't want that to happen. He loves the school and his friends but what he tells us is he hates homework. We have the whole homework isn't optional talk and then he does the same things.
Awe yes. Well we all hate homework lol. When my 5 year old is not "in the mood" to do chores she will cry that she hates cleaning. I tell her that I don't like to clean either, but I'd rather clean for a little bit each day than live in a dirty house. I ask her the same thing and she will usually agree. Then I tell her that if we just DO IT, it will be done and we can do other fun things. This usually works.
Maybe if he understands that most of the other kids hate homework too, but do it anyway because they want to succeed and that doing things we don't enjoy to be able to do things we DO enjoy (like moving to the next grade with his friends) is part of growing up, he'll be more motivated??
summer school would that word help homework maybe he does not understand the why it needs to be done. I did summer school and loved being there why got to see a Catholic school all the sisters who were kind. also they did explain math so I could understand it
Last edited by maggiekate; 10-27-2015 at 04:53 PM..
Aaahhhgghhh....my youngest is the same way. Borderline ADD, very intelligent. Her grades clearly indicate that she is learning the material fairly well in class and can pass tests, but fails to do her homework. She has a hard time extracting meaning from text, (mild LD) but if she hears the info and takes notes, she's fine. Reading a chapter and taking notes? or answering short questions ? Not going to happen. She just wont' do it.
Paying her for grades DOES help. She gets $10 for an A, $5 for a B, nothing for a C and minus $10 for a D. She has never failed anything but I guess that would be minus $20.
She does do better and works harder in classes she just plain likes, either because of the content or the teacher and if we have both, great!
She hates Spanish because she has to memorize those darn verbs! She bombed Earth science last year but has a 98 in honors bio this year. I could go on all day. her habits have improved dramatically since she got to high school. When she sits down to do her work she'll do it. If she can't seem to sit down and get started, I can nag all day and nothing will make it happen. I can't seem to find the magic formula for making her focus when she is having one of those days. Meds did not seem to help.
Our saving grace is Powerschools, which emails me EVERY DAY to tell me what her grades are. I can see when her homework has not been done, so she has given up lying about it. Our current battle is over re-taking quizzes that can be retaken...she drags her feet. More and more teachers have websites where homework is posted, so I really have no excuse for not knowing what is due, and neither does she. And teachers don't mind posting it, for the most part. It is an organizational tool for students, not just to notify parents.
If your sons teacher(s) don't want to communicate with you about what is due, can he take a picture of the assignment on the board and text it to you (snapchat, whatever)? That way he is using technology and will feel cool.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not helicopter parent. For the most part I let her organize her own workflow. I sit with her while she does stuff but I don't do it for her, and if she gives up and decides to go to bed with stuff unfinished, I let her live with the consequences, I don't argue with her.
I don't know if this is at all helpful, but you are not alone, and they generally do outgrow it, or learn their own coping mechanisms, or find a niche in life that suits their style.
So I'm all for independence and learning to fail, if you read my previous posts I think that's obvious. BUT not in this. I think being able to organize your life and be responsible enough to manage a homework load is a developmental skill and one I certainly hadn't reached by 6th grade.
So my parents marched me into the principal's office (also a catholic school in St. Louis btw) and created a homework sheet where every teacher had to sign it for every class...every day. I stayed on it until high school. By 9th grade I was mature enough to handle it all, graduated near the top of my class and went on to one of the best colleges in the country. Had no trouble in college or my working life.
I tell you all this because he just needs help right now, give it to him and slowly step back as you see him able to handle more. By high school it will be different. But for now get in there and get him some help, maybe a note from your doctor would help too?
neither myself nor my ex wanted our children to do homework in junior school.
We both figured that's what the teachers job was.
Once our kids hit middle and senior school, they took care of the homework issues themselves.
Failure to do homework at a senior school = you look stupid amongst your peers.
I would give it a total break, not even mention the homework, at all.
He is well aware of the consequences at school so let them do the discipline on this particular subject.
However I would also ensure a child like this DOES NOT have unfettered internet access, xbox etc. They can sit about getting bored while thinking how stupid they will look when they pull another scolding in front of the class, maybe some detention.
Both my kids are at uni - my oldest actually won 3 scholarships. Entirely self driven, voluntarily completed homework with absolutely zero help encouragement or discouragement from her parents. She became Self Motivated because she wanted to succeed.
My advice - let it go for now at least. Talk with the school if it remains a problem. Often they have a Homework Program where extra support is given...but you'd be far better served for a 12 year old, to back off and let his peers take care of the consequences.
What you do is you assign "homework" to your kid. Buy some workbooks in each subject, bonus if you can get a workbook they use in school. Every night, make him do homework in every subject. If he says he doesn't have homeowork in a subject, make him do "mom assigned homework" in that subject anyway. Keep at it night after night, he has to do homework in every subject no matter what, whether he brings homework home or not. At the end of the quarter, any subject he gets an A in, you can lay off the momassigned homework for that subject for the rest of the quarter. So he knows the only way to reduce his homework load is to get As.
Eventually he'll want to do the school assigned homework since he has to do homework in that subject anyways.
This article may be copied and distributed without permission if the
source is given as follows:
Excerpted from The Homework Plan: A Parent's Guide to Helping Kids Excel by Linda Sonna, Ph.D.
Spoiler
Don't assume students will choose to study if given an option. DO provide the structure students need by holding a study hall at home each school night.
Don't banish kids to their bedrooms where they are free to romp and roam, piddle and play.
DO have them study at a central location where you can monitor, such as the kitchen table.
Don't expect kids to study unsupervised. DO join them at the table to read, pay bills, do a craft project, paint your fingernails, or pursue another quiet activity whenever possible.
Don't allow kids to study with the TV or stereo on. DO set a timer & have the whole family observe quiet time during the study hall--provide puzzles and crayons for toddlers and ask them to whisper; put infants in a nearby playpen filled with toys.
Don't play "homework detective" to learn what has been assigned and when everything is due. DO hold a study hall at home each day for the same length of time WHETHER OR NOT students have assignments, materials, or appear to be working.
Don't bribe or punish to get kids to bring home books and do assignments. DO let boredom serve as a motivator by continuing to hold a study hall each night.
Don't scold kids who talk, sleep, or doodle. DO time interruptions (both "good" and "bad," no matter who was "at fault") and extend the study hall to compensate students for lost time
(add the time missed plus two minutes per interruption). Make sure students get their full time to study, no matter what!
Don't teach, tutor, or assume responsibility for homework. DO play educational games and provide FUN ways to learn.
Don't complain about students' poor ability to organize, concentrate, manage responsibility, plan ahead, etc. DO learn how to teach these crucial skills yourself.
Don't give up before YOU'VE done YOUR homework! DO remember that for every homework problem, there really is a solution!
My kids teachers use to have it on a teacher's website. They listed the homework so parents would know what to expect their kids to bring home. That was in elementary school though, by Jr. high they want them to do it. My son has all the spectrum stuff but I just finally let him go. I told him I wasn't going to worry about it anymore and that his teacher had total control of it. She could decide what to do about. It didn't work wonders, and he did miss some work but all in all I felt a lot less stressed! He still got a good grade in the class. I'm glad I let go of it.
At that age it really doesn't matter and they have time to mess up on their own and fix it. But, if it goes on for a long time you can get back to the drawing board. Since there's adhd to deal with, the earlier he learns to organize himself and do the tricks all of us with adhd need to do, even as adults, the better. Yes, they have to work harder, but a man with no legs still has to go to work as my husband says. lol
You can always tell them you'll help them with a wall chart if they need it. They don't want to feel bad, and since there's probably a bit of OCD in there they'll ask for help in no time.
He already looks not-as-smart as other kids because ADD prevents him from being able to compete. It's frustrating when your brain won't behave. And seriously? Can you maybe just eliminate all chemicals from his diet for 3 days (which is how long it takes to detox from the body) and see what the effects are? It's proven. Worked on my kid. Works on kids all over the place. And if you take all chemicals from his diet and then let him eat one Jolly Rancher it's going to take another 3 days to detox. It's not difficult.
Before I realized the food I fed my son was making him unable to function correctly, I helped him study for a spelling test. It took 3 hours for him to get through the list twice. (I think it was 20 words) We were both in tears by the end but doggone it he got through it. First spelling test he passed EVER. He was so proud and thanked me but honestly? Most of you would have called it child abuse. Talk about traumatic.
OP, you need to look at this seriously. Artificial colors and flavors. No more. Easy.
1. We offer money for good grades. Cs are nothing Bs are $5. As are $20. A D/F/U negates any money at all.
So far all As and Bs and one or 2 Cs between 3 kids isn't bad.
2. Our school district has an online homework tracker/weekly progress report. ParentVue.
Me and my kids have all had come to Jesus talks about organization. My wife's idea of getting my kids organized is talking to them in a sweet tone and telling them what they should do very nicely and my kids just blow it off.
I tell them to take everything out of their back pack, we go through each thing. Most the time I'm saying "do we need this? no. toss it." "Take that out." "take everything out, no everything." Okay no put it back in in an order that makes sense.
What we did was get them one large mead five star cloth and plastic binder with 10 partitions for 5 classes, we color coded for each class two large sleeves one was labeled Need to do and the other Done/turn in that way they weren't juggling 5 folders full of random junk handouts that buried their actual assignments. When you get something to do you put it in need to do. When you are done put it in turn in. Check the folder ever day during turn in time.
Before you say oh thats dumb and overly complicated, it worked. 9 times out of 10 they didn't do their homework because it was in a pile of papers that were randomly thrown in their backpack. It is amazing how much paper my kids bring home that has no value.
Now as for getting them to do the homework. You must have a dynamic where they know you are boss and you are serious about them completing their homework whatever it takes (within reason.) My kids used to cry when my wife would help them with their homework, which would elicit a response from my wife of nurturing and dialogue and she would end up doing it for them essentially. So when I started helping my kids with their homework (because my wife hates math) my kids tried the same thing and did not get a reaction.
When my kids turned on the water works. I kept asking the same question over and over "what is 3X21?"..... sob sob sob "I don't sob know sob sob." "What is 3X21?" Still sobbing, my son would say 60.... 42, 63. by the 5th problem he had stopped crying and just started working through the problem. He got in done in about 40 minutes after 20 minutes of sandbagging. I looked it over and said "12, 15, and 20 are wrong, look at them again." My son would go... oh 6X3 is 18 not 24.... and he would correct his onwn work I just told him which ones were wrong. This was 6th grade long multiplication.
It got to the point I did not have to ask if he had homework. He just did it. I took 2 hours a lot of sobbing and silence and looking towards the computer in the family room. Once he realized he wasn't getting out of it he just started working. Now he just gets it done, because he knows what will happen.
I teach my kids to be autonomous. Because mommy is not going to be there in college. Mommy is not going to be there at your first job.
My daughters, know I won't put up with crying so they just do their work and ask me if they don't know something. Every now and then I'll say "You are missing an assignment in Science. Chapter 3 take-home. Where is it?" Miraculously, it manifests and she starts working on it. My oldest daughter is a bookworm overachiever just kind of disorganized as most kids are. Once that was sorted I didn't have to worry about her.
I have 3 kids and they are all very different. The only consistent thing that I do between all 3 of them is that I don't let them manipulate me emotionally and that is where my wife has trouble.
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He still got a good grade in the class. I'm glad I let go of it. 
