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Look up Parental Alienation Syndrome - your daughter and her father sound as if they are text-book examples. Get his statements and behaviors documented and discuss it with both a family counselor and a lawyer - he needs to cut it out, for your daughter's sake, regardless of how he feels about you.
Ideally, you and her father should be on the same page, but it's clear you are not. It also appears that material gifts and other goodies are playing way too big a role in both his and your parenting. She is playing you and sounds as if she is well-aware of it and is behaving this way deliberately in order to get things she wants. Don't fall for it.
Instead of giving your daughter tangibles, try one-on-one mother-daughter experiences - simple outings (movies, soda or ice cream afterwards), weekend trips to inexpensive places, participatory sports like ice skating, etc. Even long rides in the country can work - don't let her take any musical or hand-held devices with her (on any of these activities) and keep the car radio/CD player off.
Include lots of time for informal talking - withhold any negative judgement during such times (for now). You want to build trust and affection, while at the same time, do recognize that thirteen-year-old girls typically pull away from their parents, especially their mothers, as a normal part of growing up. You don't want to smother her, but on the other hand, you don't want her to continue this negative behavior pattern, either.
Counseling for you and your daughter, together and individually, would help you both get on a more productive track, I expect.
Paragraphs and punctuation are your friends, and ours. I couldn't get passed the title.
I did a little better. I managed to read a few run on sentences, than gave up. Please punctuate your question a little more clearly OP. It's too hard to read.
Kids need structure and stability in their home. It sounds like you are a crazy mess, and your behavior with her father was, and is, not good. Throw in some teenage hormones and you have a recipe for a confused kid.
If I had the patience to carefully read your post, which desperately needs some white space, I could perhaps be more specific.
STOP arguing, or saying anything bad about your ex-husband.
STOP sharing any details or drama with your children.
You need to provide a stable solid core in your home, so the children feel secure.
I don't care what your husband did, or how unfairly you were treated, he is someone else's problem now, and you need to step up and provide a firm structured home.
I've been divorced with kids, so I know it is not easy. My ex husband and I never argued in front of the children, ever. Eventually, the kids figured out their father's weaknesses. I did not have to tell them.
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