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I'd let him go. I'd do the research, reach out to the Mom etc.
I am a protective parent but I am also not afraid of the world. I do not believe the world is any more dangerous now than it was 40 years ago. I think in some ways it is actually a safer place due to all the tools technology has given us.
I believe that in order for our children to learn how to navigate life we must allow them to do just that, navigate themselves in/out of situations and experiences.
I have a 26 yr old DS and a 17 yr old DD - they have both traveled independently and on their own several times since they were young. I also have a slew of online friends that I have never "met". I am going to be sending my DD to meet several of them in the spring to go on college tours.
I don't have the time or the inclination to go digging statistics up atm, but I'd be willing to bet the chances of a youngster being harmed by an 'internet stranger' are probably a lot less than being hurt in a car accident, being harmed by a friend or family member, drowning, or a whole host of other possibilities. Might, maybe, could... if we all lived in fear of the possibilities we'd never go anywhere or do anything.
I don't have the time or the inclination to go digging statistics up atm, but I'd be willing to bet the chances of a youngster being harmed by an 'internet stranger' are probably a lot less than being hurt in a car accident, being harmed by a friend or family member, drowning, or a whole host of other possibilities. Might, maybe, could... if we all lived in fear of the possibilities we'd never go anywhere or do anything.
I believe you are correct.
My DS encountered these "protected" kids when he arrived at his college dorm his freshman year. Kids with no navigation skills to speak of, they had never been allowed to develop worldly skills, their parents were either afraid to let them or did it for them. These are the kids who were at the highest risk of getting themselves into trouble because they had no skills or experiences to lean on.
Didn't you read the post? They aren't talking about Sports Tournaments, Travel Teams, or other Adult supervised activities. Everything you mentioned was Adult supervised, planned, and overseen by Adults. None of these people traveled alone as a Juvenile without Adults closely present .
None of that has anything to do with handing a Juvenile his suitcase, and sending him cross Country by himself.
Parents have given their Kids more credit than some of "Us" Posters have , and it happens all the time. You see these Kids on Milk Cartons all the time.
There are hundreds of possible things that could go wrong, from an accident, to some weirdo seeing a lone Teen traveling by himself.(easy to recognize) Not so much a probability, but certainly a possibility. Who wants to gamble at those stakes? Mom feels Lucky.
Given the possibility that something can happen, it is a wonder that kids are ever allowed to leave the house and while in their home Mom/Dad must be vigilant 24/7 so that nothing happens. IMO this is no way to live let alone raise children to be independent, confident adults.
What do you do when they go to college or move out, get a job and a life?
I'm protective but I also know that in order for my children to become functioning young adults they must be exposed to experiences and that means they do things on their own or without my hovering.
My DD flew to visit a friend when she was 13 - she had to navigate the airport and change planes. Armed with a cell phone, cash and some common sense, she handled it great, including the delayed flight that occurred on her connection. We took her to the gate but for her return, the friends Grandmother just dropped her at the curb of the airport.
[quote=vrexy;41935434]No. It's completely different than participating in a foreign exchange student program. You are mistaken about the screening process. These programs actually do screen and vet the participants. Not sure where you got this information, but it is incorrect.
No sorry there was no screening process when my friends hosted their foreign exchange student. I voiced my concern to them about it. The girl came over for a couple of months and their son went over to Germany for a couple of months. The parents Skyped back and forth while the children were at their house. I told my friend that I would be nervous about sending my child to a foreign country to strangers and they told me that they had done the same while they were in college. These kids were in high school. I'm glad there was a screening process where you're from. I think they need one at this particular school as well.
No. It's completely different than participating in a foreign exchange student program. You are mistaken about the screening process. These programs actually do screen and vet the participants. Not sure where you got this information, but it is incorrect.
You met up with your City Data friends in Scotland and had a good experience. Major difference between that and what the OP is describing - mainly that you are an adult and you were traveling with your husband, or whoever "John" is. You can't compare that with allowing a minor child to travel alone to meet total strangers.
I would be willing to bet money that you do not have any children. No offense intended, but I can't imagine that you do.
Your comment "All strangers are strangers before they become friends" sounds good on paper, but doesn't hold water under scrutiny. That statement does not follow a train of thought that leads to any kind of logical conclusion. Some people just need to remain strangers.
Sorry I forgot to address the rest of your retort. Strangers are strangers regardless of if you're an adult or a child, and yes some people do deserve to be strangers. How do you reach out and make friends without taking a chance? Or do you just stay home under the covers and be paranoid of everyone?
No offense taken about my not having biological children. I however have many many shorties in my life (17) some of which have kids of their own now. Just because I haven't given birth to them doesn't mean that I love them any less then if I had. Yes I was concerned with one of them being a foreign exchange student. You can send your kid half way around the world and they can be fine or you can send them to a neighbors for a sleep over and they can be molested. You can't predict every scenario with 100% accuracy. I worry about each and every one of the kids when they first start driving. Some kids die from auto accidents, does that mean we keep them all off the road? It's scary being a parent. I get it, but you can't cripple them and project all of you paranoia on them either. It's a delicate balance and you have to trust strangers with them on many occasions.
No. It's completely different than participating in a foreign exchange student program. You are mistaken about the screening process. These programs actually do screen and vet the participants. Not sure where you got this information, but it is incorrect.
No sorry there was no screening process when my friends hosted their foreign exchange student. I voiced my concern to them about it. The girl came over for a couple of months and their son went over to Germany for a couple of months. The parents Skyped back and forth while the children were at their house. I told my friend that I would be nervous about sending my child to a foreign country to strangers and they told me that they had done the same while they were in college. These kids were in high school. I'm glad there was a screening process where you're from. I think they need one at this particular school as well.
Okay, so I'm curious. How did your friends find and get in touch with the foreign exchange student who came to stay at their house?
I'm glad you didn't take offense at my child comment, because I didn't intend any - oftentimes it's hard to convey intention when typing words, as opposed to speaking.
And of course, I meet people and don't hide under my covers, but I am not a 17 year old kid who has no local friends and who wants to fly far away to stay with someone he's never met. I doubt that even as an adult, I would be inclined to fly somewhere far from my home to stay with a complete stranger.
Given the possibility that something can happen, it is a wonder that kids are ever allowed to leave the house and while in their home Mom/Dad must be vigilant 24/7 so that nothing happens. IMO this is no way to live let alone raise children to be independent, confident adults.
What do you do when they go to college or move out, get a job and a life?
I'm protective but I also know that in order for my children to become functioning young adults they must be exposed to experiences and that means they do things on their own or without my hovering.
My DD flew to visit a friend when she was 13 - she had to navigate the airport and change planes. Armed with a cell phone, cash and some common sense, she handled it great, including the delayed flight that occurred on her connection. We took her to the gate but for her return, the friends Grandmother just dropped her at the curb of the airport.
But....I'll bet you knew this girl and her parents. The issue is these are total strangers on the internet. Nothing about being cautious in this situation is being over-protective....It is called intelligence.
Okay, so I'm curious. How did your friends find and get in touch with the foreign exchange student who came to stay at their house?
I'm glad you didn't take offense at my child comment, because I didn't intend any - oftentimes it's hard to convey intention when typing words, as opposed to speaking.
And of course, I meet people and don't hide under my covers, but I am not a 17 year old kid who has no local friends and who wants to fly far away to stay with someone he's never met. I doubt that even as an adult, I would be inclined to fly somewhere far from my home to stay with a complete stranger.
The foreign exchange program was something the teachers at the school put together and I think they contacted the school in Germany and talked to the other teachers. The girl that came over to my friends house was a delight and I mentioned to my friend that I would be concerned sending her abroad like that. I guess she has been all over the world and it's been one fantastic experience after another. I think she went to Spain after she came here. Her son had a great time at their house as well.
Yes communication sometimes gets lost without the body language that goes along with it.
There are these two crazy sisters that spend the night or whole weekend with us every month. The youngest was around 7 and her sister around 10 the first time they came. We met while John and I were working on the income property that they live next to. I've always been a kid magnet and it wasn't unusual to have 5 or 6 kids running through the house and a dog or two as well to play with our Howie. The kids wouldn't even knock when they came over. The parents knew very little about us, yet they allowed their precious ones to spend the night with us. It was the kids idea and they kept begging to come. I resisted because of their age but when they did come it was such a joy and so much fun. They've been coming for around 6 years now and we added the neighbors little girl to the mix about 3 years ago we are like family now. That 17 year old boy is inexperienced and I agree it's a risk. He may be so disruptive to the family that he intends to visit that they may want him to go home early. I wouldn't send him without parent to parent contact via Skype and if all parties were still willing I would send him. There's that stigma of not being close enough to get him if there's a problem, but I'd be willing to bet that the other parents would take care of him until they could get him on an early flight home. The parents willing to host a teenager that they have never met before are also taking a huge risk. I Skyped with my Scottish friend and we talked via private message on City Data for two years before we met. I never felt uncomfortable getting in the car alone with her and her husband. Was it risky? Sure. Was it worth it. You bet 100 times over The bottom line is do your homework and trust your instincts.
But....I'll bet you knew this girl and her parents. The issue is these are total strangers on the internet. Nothing about being cautious in this situation is being over-protective....It is called intelligence.
She knew the girl but not the Grandmother and Aunt who she stayed with.
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Yes I was concerned with one of them being a foreign exchange student. You can send your kid half way around the world and they can be fine or you can send them to a neighbors for a sleep over and they can be molested. You can't predict every scenario with 100% accuracy. I worry about each and every one of the kids when they first start driving. Some kids die from auto accidents, does that mean we keep them all off the road? It's scary being a parent. I get it, but you can't cripple them and project all of you paranoia on them either. It's a delicate balance and you have to trust strangers with them on many occasions.
