When are going to get a real job, mom? (method, infant, toddlers)
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They are getting older and more independent. Suddenly having Mom home all the time is not very cool anymore. I wouldn't read to much more into it really. Just keep doing what you are doing because you rock!
I love that my son loves hugs and kisses...as long as none of his friends are looking. what I love most is that I am sensitive to that need and that I don't put my own desire for a buddy hug ahead of his comfort.
Sounds like two very ungrateful and rude kids to me.
OP: why not just get up one morning and sit on the couch most of the day still wearing your pjs. . . and then when the kids start whining and complaining, ignore them even more.
Sounds like two very ungrateful and rude kids to me.
OP: why not just get up one morning and sit on the couch most of the day still wearing your pjs. . . and then when the kids start whining and complaining, ignore them even more.
Sounds like two very ungrateful and rude kids to me.
OP: why not just get up one morning and sit on the couch most of the day still wearing your pjs. . . and then when the kids start whining and complaining, ignore them even more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
Thanks for calling my kids names. so helpful.
That is not name calling; that is describing attitudes.
Your original posting in this thread reads, "My kids keep asking me this! And it's starting to upset me." So it is obvious you take this very seriously, as well you should. You are the parent and already are aware that being a parent entails presenting as a good role model; setting good standards; teaching your children right from wrong; and how to treat other people.
If you allow them to mistreat you as they do per your posting, they are learning from you that it's allowable to insult anyone at anytime.
Yeah, he supported my decision when I worked. But when I mentioned stopping working, he was really for it. I used to have a job that was very flexible and most of my work hours were as I saw fit. But I did have to work weekends and evenings often. And holidays. He would cover the weekends and holidays but I had to get a sitter for evening because he was at work too. But if my kid started vomiting at school, I could always drop everything and get there. I was just so stressed out. Life was just so out of my hands. My sons disability mostly emerged when he was 6-7 years old. He is a super smart kid with some major challenges to climb now. (2 weeks ago the doctor said he thinks he knows what's going on and we are going for genetic testing soon). He is amazing. But...well I will spare the details but it's been a long and scary and frustrating process to start to pin down what's going on with him.
I sure do hope your genetic testing goes better than ours did! We waited a year for results, and then were told "we didn't really find anything". Gah!!! Luckily the EEG bore more fruit...
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
My daughter has some learning disabilities. I don't care how to down play it, spending so much time taking a child to speech and dyslexia tutor is a lot of work. She also has some other issues but right now they aren't creating havoc in our lives. Things are pretty calm with her. But it still takes me driving to the school 3x a week, taking her out of class. Driving to her appointment. Waiting for an hour. Driving back. By then most of the day is gone. Or it feels like. And then homework is specialized and takes a long time.
Is she getting free services though the school system, and that's why it's during the school day? We actually rejected those in favor of services through private therapists, who can see us at 5pm after work and school. $20 co-pay for each session, which for us is worth not having to interrupt the school day. Is that something you could do? I've never had to do the dyslexia thing, so I don't know if that works differently.
Day before yesterday my kids brought up the job thing again. But with a total different spin. My son said he was glad I decided not to work at his school (volunteering, but they didn't know that) because it makes him too sad to see me in the day and not be able to be with me or come with me when I leave. He is 10, but I guess he is a momma's boy? A couple years ago I was contracted to work in his school and he had such a hard time with that aspect, I ended up having to bow out of the job early (and they understood because of what we all had to go through if he saw me). Honestly, I have no idea what goes on in his head. His sister is far more clingy to me and she is like "oh hi mom...bye, see you later". He is like "moooooooom! Don't leave meeeeeee!" With massive tears or anger included.
So my daughter pipes up and said "anyways your job is to take care of us and daddy. That's what I am going to do when I grow up. But not with babies, with puppies". She has a fear of giving birth so has sworn off babies since she was 5ish (she is 8 now). (Note to people who expose kids to things to desensitize them...I let her watch a show, a tame show where the woman was having a baby. It wasn't full on up in it. But showed the mom in pain. She was so traumatized by it) I let her know that she might find that boring after a while. But she could get a job working with animals. Then she said she would be an artist. I'm cool with that.
Last night I got super pissed at my husband. Where he works they publish a blurb about each employees family. He had to write ours and put that I was a _________, the profession I used to be. I told him that it offended me and he said I was really good at it and said he was sure I would go back to it when things were more settled with the kids. I assured him I wouldn't. But then we had a really good conversation. I was able to fully explain to him why I don't want to go back to it, even if I was good at it. And then I shared with him some new interests I had and how my old career could work into it. And then I told him, of things even out, I'd like to take a couple classes at the community college or uni next fall to start working on that dream. And he agreed, fully.
I fully support stay at home moms, and working moms. But I know, as long as I am taking care of my kids, and even my personality, I have to have a lot of flexibility. My husband makes a ton of money, but he worked hard to get there. At this point, there is almost no way I could support the family. So his job would always come first. I think, for me, I just need to do something that makes me feel good about myself...and that makes me feel like if the world fell out from under me, I could land on my feet. And, as I am not, nor will ever be a good housekeeper...I do want to make the money that pays the housekeeper. Hubby never has complained about it. But it's a mom pride thing, I guess.
Excellent update.
I think you may be a bit like me, you derive a part of your sense of self by your career. So when you were feeling a bit lost in the "what is my career now" thoughts, your children's innocent questions fueled those thoughts. In other words, I think you had a bigger problem with not "having a real job" than your kids did. And I think your kids probably picked up on your feelings too.
One of my son's therapists didn't originally go to school for therapy (she was originally an accountant), but after having a child with special needs, and having to quit her regular job like you, she learned more and more about it until she finally took some online certification courses and is now able to do therapy with other kids after hours when her husband gets home from work. I think your idea of taking a couple of classes to start working towards a new dream is a fantastic idea. It is also really really good for kids to see their parents studying.
My kids keep asking me this! And it's starting to upset me.
About two years ago I stopped working to focus on my kids (now 8&10 years old). We could afford to have me be a full time SAHM and both our children have special needs. I needed to have a lot of flexibility to take them to their appointments, and extra time to work with their teachers and help with homework. But even more so, I just was emotionally and mentally run down from having too much on my plate. When I stopped working, I wasn't even proud of my work anymore because I didn't have enough in me to give it my best.
So fast forward two years, we made a major move cross country. My kids still need the extra support (even more, actually), and we still have lots of appointments, etc. I have no interest in going back into the field I was in and going back to work would really be a hardship on me and my family. And I have no real marketable skills beyond the field I was working in. So going back to work isn't in the cards. But the kids keep bugging me about it. They will say daddy has a job, and we go to school for our job. What do you do? You need a job.
I don't know if they think I don't do anything? Admittedly, I am not a good housekeeper. I have come to accept this and hire help. Most of my focus and attention is managing issues with the kids and running errands. I guess when I talk about my day...that I did a load of laundry, went to target, took them to their tutors , made meals and helped with homework...well it's not impressive I suppose.
It doesn't help that my husband has a super impressive job. I don't know, maybe it bothers me because I don't value my contributions to the family that much. A trained chimp could do most of what I do now. I just want to know how I can get my kids to appreciate that I am a working part of this family.
I've come to realize in my nearly five decades of life (Oh my, I'm not really THAT old, am I?) that a big part of being a woman in general is a nagging fear that you're doing it wrong. Whether the criticism is about whether or not to have children, how many kids are enough/not enough, working, staying at home, hiring help, or doing it all yourself, somebody always has an opinion. It's easier to ignore when it comes from an anonymous internet poster than when it comes from a loved one. I guess I just wanted to send you a virtual hug and a bit of reassurance. You are not alone in having doubts about your choices. I think all of us have been right there with you at one time or another.
Last edited by randomparent; 12-04-2015 at 07:43 AM..
First off, don't let your kids make you feel bad. They are kids, you are grownup, and perhaps it's YOU making yourself feel bad because you doubt your choices. Bah, I say.
Second, let them know that raising them has been such hard work you don't have the energy to work outside the house.
I was a SAHM mom and my kids never gave me grief over it but I would have given them double the grief back if they had. That the best part of being the adult in a parent/child relationship.
Trained chimps could NOT do the things you do for your family!! You are doing what is important for your family and thankfully your husband is a good provider for the family and your husband hopefully appreciates what you are doing. If all is good there then get yourself and your thoughts in order and see what a benefit you are for health of your family. Seems to me your priorities are exactly as they should be. Be proud of all that you do. Think you have the typical kid mentality going on as kids enjoy when the supervision is out of their hair when mom works. Your also saving the family money really by being home.
Wow, you keep outdoing yourself. I can't believe you are this arrogant. Did I not mention my kids are special needs children. We have daily therapy (ot, put, speech) appointments. Tutoring. Lots and lots of doctors appointments. Weekly meetings with teachers. I have to help them with homework, and not the regular way. It take forever. I have to deal with some really emotionally draining situations regularly. You are worse then my kids.
My husband always said 'never argue or try to set straight an idiot.' There's this mind set going with many working women that they are so important and special and if your not working you don't matter. Don't try to explain yourself to someone who may be jealous of you. In your spare time you have many opportunities to fulfill yourself. Women's groups, picking up a course or two that you could benefit from when returning to work. Just do something fun and most of all IGNORE the Debbie Downers as their becoming a dime a dozen.
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what I love most is that I am sensitive to that need and that I don't put my own desire for a buddy hug ahead of his comfort. 
He would cover the weekends and holidays but I had to get a sitter for evening because he was at work too. But if my kid started vomiting at school, I could always drop everything and get there. I was just so stressed out. Life was just so out of my hands. My sons disability mostly emerged when he was 6-7 years old. He is a super smart kid with some major challenges to climb now. (2 weeks ago the doctor said he thinks he knows what's going on and we are going for genetic testing soon). He is amazing. But...well I will spare the details but it's been a long and scary and frustrating process to start to pin down what's going on with him.
