Wife really messed up with daughter. (15 year old, friend, adults, brother)
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My philosophy is once you're 18, if you think you are going to act like an adult and make adult decisions on your own that don't jive with my beliefs, you can do that on your own time and your own dime. I don't disown you, I don't not love you, and hell...I even invited you to chicken dinner.
I never said if my teenager tried pot and I found out that I'd immediately dump them in the street. They're my responsibility.
And btw, just bc "most people" do something or other does not makes it acceptable or appropriate or something the rest of us who don't tolerate it.
Most people drink and drive. That ok, too?
My standards for myself and my family go far above what MOST people in their pedestrian lives find acceptable.
Your child doesn't cease to be your child on their eighteenth birthday. You may not be legally responsible for them anymore but 18 is still very young and most 18 year olds are do not have the resources to live on their own. Kicking them out is just creating a bigger problem. That doesn't mean that you have to blindly accept their behavior but believe it or not your children will not be perfect and not always live up to your standards. I'm going to guess that your children are still very young so you haven't had to deal with a teen yet. Believe it or not your children will do what MOST people do. Simply forbidding something makes it even more enticing to a teen so good luck with your standards.
This reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago. Her 15 year old daughter had been dating a boy for several months and I asked her if she put her daughter on birth control. My friend freaked out and said that she did not believe in premarital sex and forbid her daughter to sleep with her boyfriend. Guess who's a grandma now?
She finds out her daughter has been doing drugs, so rather than offer to join her, she does what most parents are told to do. She tries to educate her, hold her accountable and get her medical help.
Two different approaches to the same problem. It doesn't bode well for the future of their marriage, but it makes me wonder how Mom and Dad got this far without knowing they weren't on the same team.
Mom's reaction is the equivalent of sending a son to a sex addict therapist because she found him looking at internet porn.
Also, when Mom reacts like this, she loses all credibility. That the daughter is now dealing with it causes her to further look like a nut job.
Thats a huge part of the problem with drug free education programs. They talk about all these horrible negative consequences. But most kids figure out that its mostly BS.
Shame on you for not sticking by your wife's side. On big topics like this, parents need to stand together. When the two of you play for opposite teams on big topics, you confuse the child. And btw, she's right. Here's why:
1. Increased risk of heart attack
2. If she gets arrested, that's something on her criminal record (and maybe you can get the charge removed if your state has a First Offender's Law)
3. Possible memory damage
4. Some chemicals in marijuana are linked to cancer
5. Heavy smokers have changed in blood flow to the memory and attention portions of the brain
Sorry but shame on the wife for not discussing these "punishments" with her husband before going forward with them. Why is it always the husband in the wrong? Did the wife inform her husband of all of these things she was going to do to get his approval? It sounds like she did not so before passing judgment on him, pass some judgment where it really belongs, on her over-the-top reaction to the situation and her lack of consideration of his opinion. JMHO, Jay
I'm not going to touch the pot or the marriage issues because that's irrelevant to the smoking gun -- that doctor had no legal right to alter your daughter's medical records without her consent if she was 18. Call a lawyer and get that item scrubbed from the medical record.
Doctor's can't just record false information based of heresy from a 3rd party, whether it is a parent or not.
Exactly why I think this story is either made up or greatly exaggerated.
Personally, I know that dope is not going to make anyone into a megalomaniac freak. ((Pinch))
Your wife should go to a counselor before she does more damage to your daughter and your family.
She has an unbalanced view. This kind of thing with her daughter could have been approached maturely and been much more effective. What is your wife afraid of? She's had some kind of experience in her life that triggers her hysteria.Truly I understand some parents cannot abide ANY kind of mind altering substance and that's okay but there is a way to get that across without doing more harm.
The big issue is the way our government intentionally lies and spreads false information which is exactly causes issues like my wife. She believes anything the government says as fact.
And how does one meet in the middle when one tells the truth and the other believes in and spreads lies just as a way to try to make a point? Should I have lied to our daughter telling her "You smoke MJ you could have a stroke, or heart attack, or your blood could liquefy? What this boils down to is I said 2+2=4, whereas my wife said 2+2=5, what could there been done? Even when my wife made her write that essay she came to me and even asked about it knowing what my wife said was contradictory to what I had told her and I told her just do what your mother wants but everything they say about MJ is not true and bald faces lies by politicians that are far more worried about weed not because of any health issues but due to pandering from big pharmaceutical companies to make money.
The big issue is the way our government intentionally lies and spreads false information which is exactly causes issues like my wife. She believes anything the government says as fact.
And how does one meet in the middle when one tells the truth and the other believes in and spreads lies just as a way to try to make a point? Should I have lied to our daughter telling her "You smoke MJ you could have a stroke, or heart attack, or your blood could liquefy? What this boils down to is I said 2+2=4, whereas my wife said 2+2=5, what could there been done? Even when my wife made her write that essay she came to me and even asked about it knowing what my wife said was contradictory to what I had told her and I told her just do what your mother wants but everything they say about MJ is not true and bald faces lies by politicians that are far more worried about weed not because of any health issues but due to pandering from big pharmaceutical companies to make money.
But you still haven't answered the big questions in this thread about your original topic that is not adding up. Honestly, it seems like you are pretending things are worse then they are to bolster your case of how bad your wife screwed up. You and being one of those right fighters right now. Do you want this marriage to last? Or do you have one foot out the door?
The big issue is the way our government intentionally lies and spreads false information which is exactly causes issues like my wife. She believes anything the government says as fact.
And how does one meet in the middle when one tells the truth and the other believes in and spreads lies just as a way to try to make a point? Should I have lied to our daughter telling her "You smoke MJ you could have a stroke, or heart attack, or your blood could liquefy? What this boils down to is I said 2+2=4, whereas my wife said 2+2=5, what could there been done? Even when my wife made her write that essay she came to me and even asked about it knowing what my wife said was contradictory to what I had told her and I told her just do what your mother wants but everything they say about MJ is not true and bald faces lies by politicians that are far more worried about weed not because of any health issues but due to pandering from big pharmaceutical companies to make money.
Frankly, you and your wife both sound like zealots with tin foil hats. You're just afraid of different stuff.
And you never noticed these differences with your wife in the previous 18 years??? If you are ALWAYS right and your wife is ALWAYS wrong , how have you even stayed with her all this time?
One thing I know for sure: Thinking you're right all the time = bad marriage.
Sorry but shame on the wife for not discussing these "punishments" with her husband before going forward with them. Why is it always the husband in the wrong? Did the wife inform her husband of all of these things she was going to do to get his approval? It sounds like she did not so before passing judgment on him, pass some judgment where it really belongs, on her over-the-top reaction to the situation and her lack of consideration of his opinion. JMHO, Jay
Not really. Your daughter messed up by smoking at such a young age. In order for her physician to properly treat her, he should know her history. Insurance companies do charge more for smokers. When you quit, your rate starts going down. If she is now leading a healthy lifestyle, the rate shouldn't be a concern for too much longer. She should be on your policy and she should pay you back the surcharge. The notion that she doesn't have insurance is absurd. If you don't want her on your policy, she can get on Medicaid. You sound like you were willing to cheat the system. that's not a good example. Not to mention the fact that you are more concerned about money than your daughter's health.
PS: Oh good grief, upon further reading I see that the OP now faults the government and big pharmaceutical companies. Sorry I replied.
Last edited by elan; 11-27-2015 at 04:25 AM..
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, how have you even stayed with her all this time?
