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Yes, your son has the right to do what he wants with the toys. You presented them to him as "his", and you wanted him to do something with them. He didn't want them, so he threw them out. If you didn't tell him to save some for you, I'm not sure why you expected that he would have saved them for you. Is he psychic?
People aren't actually that complicated.
You are emotional now because of all of the stress you are going through. It is normal to take things personally when this happens. But remember, people are not mind readers.
There is a lot of resentment here between the lines. Your situation is a hard one. You need to let these little things go. There are much bigger fish to fry.
Your time is tied up helping your husband, your son flew 2000miles to be there and he likely wanted to accomplish the most while he is there getting your new place organized and unpacked. The less stuff that is around the easier it is to do. I adore my mom, but whenever we've done reno's for her she simply has too much to work around and I admit I become a bossy socks and convince her to donate things she hasn't used in forever. Like your son I have to take a long flight to get there- and that's my one shot to help. I simply want as much accomplished as possible when I'm gone and not leaving them with a tetris off stuff to shuffle around looking for things when I'm back home.
As a toy collector I will say you are not alone in having attachments to your children's playthings. A few people who offered me their childhood toys couldn't, mom wouldn't let them go.
As far as children using them now, even though lead laws were passed in the 70's MANY brand name 80's and early 90's toys contain lead, plastics/vynil breaks down and in addition to the lead concern they also leech out Phthalates which are hormone disruptors. For kids that will handle them, and can adsorb these things through their skin, modern toys are so much better/safer. (for anyone seeing this, there is a big market for many lines of old toys- even "well loved" grimy dirty, broken toys. Some aren't worth much, but posting them on a classified site will get you cash in hand and stuff out of the basement. I've traveled all over looking for ponies, sold all my barbies this way as well)
Very possible. I guess if I was helping my parents downsize, my old toys might be the first things to go.
OP, I'm sorry you are upset, but I don't think it is something to be "beside yourself" over. Upsetting, sure, but just not a huge deal in the big scheme of things. If you need toys for babysitting, you can find some at a thrift store or garage sale. We have some local facebook pages where I bet you could even get old toys for free, if you asked. I know it isn't the same as your kids' own toys, but if your grand kids weren't using them, then what's really the point?
My grandchild HAS played with his dad's & aunt's old toys when he visits (but he just turned two). Plus my son took some of his toys with him when he moved away from home, years ago. My nieces and nephews and grandnieces and grandnephews do play with the toys when they visit. I get toys out of the toy cabinet and toy boxes to take along when I have paid babysitting jobs and occasionally use them for tutoring. Just because something is not used on a daily basis that does not mean that it should be thrown out and repurchased the next time. If that was the case then people would buy all new Christmas trees and Christmas decorations every single year.
My granddaughter is expected in January and our adult daughter is not married yet, but hopes to be married and hopes to have children. So, I am just starting my grandparent years not ending them.
It is not like I have boxes of old, broken, dirty toys in the attic that no one has touched in thirty years and my grandchildren have all out grown. These are all, clean, unbroken, the most favorite toys from their childhood. Sheesh, I bet posters will now tell me to throw my daughter's American Girl doll, clothes and accessories in the garbage because she hasn't had a girl baby yet and is over 21 years old.
Yes, I could spend the money to go to a thrift shop and buy a matching set of Jurassic Park dinosaurs, two JP jeeps plus the people and all of the accessories but whyshould I need to do that when it would have been simple just to keep them, or at least some of them.
And, I am not really as "upset" as perhaps hurt. Earlier yesterday my son and I discussed saving at least some/many of the toys and then to see him just toss them in the garbage to go to the dump took me by total surprise.
Update, my son apologized and said that he did not realize how much I actually used the toys. He thought that once he stopped playing with them they just sat in that cabinet totally unused & not played with for the last 20 years.
Of course, as others pointed out, it is a very stressful time in my life and that may have exacerbated the my feelings on the situation.
Thank you for your comments. My son and I have talked and worked it out so please close this thread.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-23-2015 at 11:14 AM..
She sounds a lot like my mom, still trying to interject herself into her kids lives 20+ years after leaving home
Wrong, her children need to let go and understand that the moment they moved out and left any items behind they abandoned that item and it no longer belongs to them so they have nothing to make a decision about keeping or getting rid of.
My grandchild HAS played with his dad's & aunt's old toys when he visits (but he just turned two). My nieces and nephews and grandnieces and grandnephews do play with the toys when they visit. I get toys out of the toy cabinet and toy boxes to take along when I have paid babysitting jobs and occasionally use them for tutoring.Just because something is not used on a daily basis that does not mean that it should be thrown out and repurchased the next time. If that was the case then people would buy all new Christmas trees and Christmas decorations every single year.
My granddaughter is expected in January and our adult daughter is not married yet, but hopes to be married and hopes to have children. So, I am just starting my grandparent years not ending them.
It is not like I have boxes of old, broken, dirty toys in the attic that no one has touched in thirty years and my grandchildren have all out grown.
Yes, I could spend the money to go to a thrift shop and buy a matching set of Jurassic Park dinosaurs, two JP jeeps plus the people and all of the accessories but whyshould I need to do that when it would have been simple just to keep them, or at least some of them.
And, I am not really as "upset" as perhaps hurt. Earlier yesterday my son and I discussed saving at least some/many of the toys and then to see him just toss them in the garbage to go to the dump took me by total surprise.
Update, my son apologized and said that he did not realize how much I actually used the toys. He thought that once he stopped playing with them they just sat in that cabinet totally unused & not played with for the last 20 years.
Of course, as others pointed out, it is a very stressful time in my life and that may have exacerbated the my feelings on the situation.
Thank you for your comments. My son and I have talked and worked it out so please close this thread.
I get it. I'm a sentimental saver of stuff. I just don't want to see you dwelling on something that can't be changed. The suggestion to buy toys second hand was just me offering a solution for your babysitting.
It was really odd. I did not care that he threw out all of his trophies or high school plaques and awards (even though I suspect that he will regret that someday).
I doubt he will regret it. I have yet to regret tossing mine out along with all my school yearbooks. It was just all taking up too much space.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
Larger issues here than ownership of toys.
I agree with you. Why does it come to mind that the "children" may think you are hoarding.
OP, just let it go. It is just "stuff". Don't let it get in the way of your relationship with him.
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