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Hello all. We will be going to my mother's today, having Thanksgiving dinner there, and staying the long holiday weekend (we are all off until Tuesday). By "we", I mean me, my DH, two daughters, son-in-law, and two-year-old grandson. My daughter (my grandson's mother) is VERY strict about his diet. She feeds him only organic foods, is raising him vegetarian, and does not allow him sugar at all. She's pre-prepared every bite of food that he is going to eat on this vacation, all organic, and she's not going to let him have anything that she hasn't prepared herself (not even Thanksgiving dinner). I'm afraid this is going to really hurt the feelings of her Nana (grandson's great-grandma) who is a fabulous Pennsylvania Dutch cook, when she doesn't even allow him a taste of her good food. We've all been warned not to sneak him anything to eat that she hasn't approved, and I've followed the rules so far, but I think she's being fanatical. My mother is 88, and there won't be many more years that we'll enjoy her Thanksgiving dinners. I'd hate to have to tell my grandson someday that he was never allowed to eat any of his great-grandma's cooking.
By the way, he has no food allergies. His mom is just paranoid about GMO's (she runs a health food business, by the way). She doesn't follow these guidelines as strictly herself, (she is a strict vegetarian, though). Any thoughts on how to handle this without hurting my mom's feelings or being declared an unfit grandparent?
All that Pennsylvania Dutch food worked great 100 years ago when it was farm raised, and its consumers put in a full day of physical work on the farm. Nowadays it is unhealthy.
A valid but theoretical argument could be made for the child to enjoy a brief immersion in his ancestral culture.
But right now, the way you handle it is by respecting the decision of the kid's parents. Treat it matter-of-factly. That's just the way it is. No argument, no wheedling. Just that the kid is quite healthy on the careful diet he is on, and his parents are sticking with it.
I agree that your daughter is going overboard with this, but as the boy's parent it is her decision.
I don't mean to sound cruel, but at age 2 your grandson will not remember whether he had his great grandmother's Thanksgiving food or not. And why would you ever need to tell him that in the future?
As to what to do--pull your mother aside and explain that your daughter has him on a special diet, and given that it's her first child she's a little uptight about it. She will understand.
Yup. There is zero reason to feed a two year old any form of so-called heritage food. This could turn into a battle between immature adults that has nothing to do with the kid, but hopefully nana's 88 years will mean she'll take the whole thing in stride.
Hello all. We will be going to my mother's today, having Thanksgiving dinner there, and staying the long holiday weekend (we are all off until Tuesday). By "we", I mean me, my DH, two daughters, son-in-law, and two-year-old grandson. My daughter (my grandson's mother) is VERY strict about his diet. She feeds him only organic foods, is raising him vegetarian, and does not allow him sugar at all. She's pre-prepared every bite of food that he is going to eat on this vacation, all organic, and she's not going to let him have anything that she hasn't prepared herself (not even Thanksgiving dinner). I'm afraid this is going to really hurt the feelings of her Nana (grandson's great-grandma) who is a fabulous Pennsylvania Dutch cook, when she doesn't even allow him a taste of her good food. We've all been warned not to sneak him anything to eat that she hasn't approved, and I've followed the rules so far, but I think she's being fanatical. My mother is 88, and there won't be many more years that we'll enjoy her Thanksgiving dinners. I'd hate to have to tell my grandson someday that he was never allowed to eat any of his great-grandma's cooking.
By the way, he has no food allergies. His mom is just paranoid about GMO's (she runs a health food business, by the way). She doesn't follow these guidelines as strictly herself, (she is a strict vegetarian, though). Any thoughts on how to handle this without hurting my mom's feelings or being declared an unfit grandparent?
Where is dad in all this?? Mom sounds like a nutcase. I do mostly organic food myself, and I'm a vegetarian, but this is way over the top. I don't think there is anything you can do yourself. Dad is going to have to step in and grow a spine.
But for the record, I agree that eating nana's food is not really that important for a 2 year old.
But that is what I do for myself. A parent chooses for young children, and there's no reason to interfere unless there is child neglect.
The mother is free to feed her child this separate food and to personally feel the social pressure of this act, without you sharing that pressure. (And if your aim is to discourage her actions, buffering negative reactions of others is not going to help achieve that.)
It seems she is not open to education either. She has built an entire lifestyle and livelihood around woo.
I am not saying there is no benefit to anything she does, but she has greatly misunderstood and misapplied scientific facts.
I would stay out of it- let it be. Take your mom aside and just explain that her great grandson is on his mom's special diet.
It's best if you respect the mom's wishes, no need to ruin a holiday by creating stress and strife. The child's parents get to call the shots as to how he is raised. The child is not being abused. If your son in law thinks there is a problem, it's up to him to discuss it with his wife. IMO, the rest of the family needs to mind their own business.
In my opinion, your daughter is being completely ridiculous. And I fear that her wildly overprotective parenting style won't be limited to what Junior eats, but will extend outward to smother him in other areas of life as well.
BUT . . . your daughter is the boy's mother, so that's for her to decide. Not you. (I do wonder what her husband, your son-in-law, thinks about all this. But that's none of your business either.)
If your mother has a lick of sense, she will probably be completely bewildered as to her grand-daughter's fanatic obsession with "healthy" food. And given that your own mother has made it to age 88 without worrying about this nonsense, she would be justified in thinking that her grand-daughter is a nutcase. But again, it's not her business. Hopefully she will refrain from making comments and stirring up trouble. But if she does, you should stay out of it. Your daughter is an adult and can defend her own choices.
I will give your daughter credit for one thing: she has taken it on herself to prepare her son's food, rather than trying to force your mother (as the hostess) to make special meals for him.
Why would you ever "have" to tell your grandson that he was never allowed to eat his great-grandma's cooking???!! That just sounds like your id at work, hoping to get in a little passive-aggressive dig at your daughter.
Part of being a grandmother (and a great-grandmother) is dealing with a new mom's overzealous choices. The way to handle it is to ignore it, carry on with grace and tact, and focus on what's important.
The main points in this scenario?? You're all together enjoying the holiday, and you're all getting fed. No need to try and enforce your arbitrary rules.
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