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22 is just a little kid. A college student/frat boy. Definitely not old enough to make life-changing decisions. I think that he may see the light soon but enlist the help of other relatives and friends including some in his age group. Don't gang up on him but have people gently and privately and individually point out the situation.
The tattoos are along one arm according to the OP, easily covered, so they aren't the issue. Facial piercings are not welcome in corporate America. If you think they are acceptable, you are kidding yourself, and obviously not in a position to hire others.
Mattie, seriously you have no idea what corporate america is... There are tons of corporations that allow both piercings and tattoos..... And quite a few CEO's have tats and piercings...
Last edited by SoCalCpl2; 11-26-2015 at 12:07 PM..
Seriously? Have you read the thread. She was in the hospital for 3 days. Her boyfriend took her and picked her up. It's not a stretch that he visited her. No abortion takes 3 days. AND this was 9 months into the relationship.
Yes I did read the thread.
The fact that her boyfriend took her and picked her up has no relevancy.
An abortion with problems does.
9 Months into the relationship also has no relevancy.
I don't mind if you question, but please try and stay focused to the facts.
For those asking this is his 3rd gf. He had his first in HS at 16 which lasted for 2 years, than another at 19 which lasted for 8 months. My big issue is that my son is ambitious and has his whole life ahead of him. The last thing he needs is some girl that has no ambition of her own and is a HS drop out (she hasn't even got her GED), and has 3 kids she doesn't discipline. I worry she's with him just as a way to make it. As in once he becomes an engineer she'll have her meal ticket. And I also do not want my grand kids to be what this girl has produced.
If you are right about her shortcomings then she will likely do something to ruin the relationship with your son herself. Three different fathers??? How long do you think she will stick with your son if this is her history. Almost any man would get sick of undisciplined children running about. In time I be your son sees all this too. However if you are nagging and pushing him to leave her then you could extend the relationship by making him see her as a victim and as a means of rebellion against your wishes.
He is 22 so you really have no say. However if you let natural consequences take their course then the situation may resolve itself. Then again he may like edgy women and if that is the case you will need to accept her.
But at this point it's just a battle between over protective, over involved moms and moms who are willing to let our kids grow up and spread their wings. Even if we aren't 100% happy with their decisions. Part of it is the age of the parent, I think (not all!). Just not thinking a young mom is the devil. Or thinking that tattoos and piercings are the death of you. And realizing that the choice of a partner is a reflection on you as a parent..and taking it instead of trying to control it..
And yet twice in this thread you have said you would not be happy if your own child made the same choice. So, which is it?
I get chastising the mother for the way she's handling it. But I am dubious at best that any single parent can honestly say they would want their own son or daughter to take on this burden before they've even begun their professional career.
I've already said I wasn't thrilled with my own son given room and board to a girl at the same time he was beginning a demanding PhD program. It was a distraction I didn't think he needed. But, I never said anything against the girl, rather I offered her a roof, meals (her preference, vegan!) and money for clothing.
But this girl didn't have three children. She didn't have "unusual" piercings. She had a college degree. What she also has is a mental illness. And my son accepts that under the circumstances, he can be no more than a supportive friend.
All those saying high school drop outs can work in a bank, can do this, can do that. Sure, if they are the best candidate. But they'll be up against applicants with a high school diploma or more. Cold hard facts folks. Time to drop the curtain on the happily ever after fantasy, because that's what some are espousing.
Be kind to the young woman, treat her as a human being, but don't ask a 22 yr old college student, or his parents, to be on board.
And now I'm done here, because I am not the bad guy. The mother is not the bad guy. There is no bad guy. There is a girl who has made some bad choices. And a mother who wants to stop her son from making another one.
And yet twice in this thread you have said you would not be happy if your own child made the same choice. So, which is it?
I get chastising the mother for the way she's handling it. But I am dubious at best that any single parent can honestly say they would want their own son or daughter to take on this burden before they've even begun their professional career.
I've already said I wasn't thrilled with my own son given room and board to a girl at the same time he was beginning a demanding PhD program. It was a distraction I didn't think he needed. But, I never said anything against the girl, rather I offered her a roof, meals (her preference, vegan!) and money for clothing.
But this girl didn't have three children. She didn't have "unusual" piercings. She had a college degree. What she also has is a mental illness. And my son accepts that under the circumstances, he can be no more than a supportive friend.
All those saying high school drop outs can work in a bank, can do this, can do that. Sure, if they are the best candidate. But they'll be up against applicants with a high school diploma or more. Cold hard facts folks. Time to drop the curtain on the happily ever after fantasy, because that's what some are espousing.
Be kind to the young woman, treat her as a human being, but don't ask a 22 yr old college student, or his parents, to be on board.
And now I'm done here, because I am not the bad guy. The mother is not the bad guy. There is no bad guy. There is a girl who has made some bad choices. And a mother who wants to stop her son from making another one.
Well you asked me...I'm not saying two things. I'm saying I would be concerned. But I would try to get to know her instead of judging her. I would not get involved unless she was treating my son badly.
I'm not going to argue with you anymore. It's hitting too close to home for you and I am not intending to offend you.
Mattie, seriously you have no idea what corporate america is... There are tons of corporations that allow both piercings and tattoos..... And quite a few CEO's have tats and piercings...
Oh brother. A very talented person will rise even with strikes against them. Tattoos and, especially, piercings (other than for earrings) are a strike against you. Why handicap yourself?
So, she is 22 years old. She has three children, by three different fathers. Really? Don't worry, she'll be over your son before you know it. I would be more concerned about your son. He's obviously thinking with his penis and not his brain. Trying to reason with him now would just add fuel to the fire. I'd talk to him, but I'd wait until after the breakup.
Mattie, seriously you have no idea what corporate america is... There are tons of corporations that allow both piercings and tattoos..... And quite a few CEO's have tats and piercings...
I worked in the SAP data center for a while - from what I saw if you are a software developer or System Admin there I think it is required.
a lot in the mix,,,, in the big picture , your son may offer the best opportunities for this girl and her kids,,,
but,
is it his responsibilities to take on and take ownership?????????
he is young,,,, on one hand,,,the boy probly has a very kind heart,,, and this kindness (along with something steady) he is too young to see the ramifications,,,he has never travelled that road with an instant family and everything that comes with it..
ive often said,,,,, I inherited, my mothers kind heart, to a fault..
we are quick to call a young man a "loser" and fault a young lady to try to change him,,,,because we know better,,,but it gets complicated when the young lady makes (not the best choices) we are quick to be empathetic ...because kids are involved
every person deserves the right to make his own path,,,,as the posters say ...fly/soar high on your own.
with a "plate full" with this girl,,,this will limit his career opportunities, from moving around,,,moving to job sites
internships, etc,
im a firm advocate that a young man or woman,,, finish college FIRST then make LIFE decisions...
if this was a young man loser,,(and you had a daughter in college),,all on here would be saying dump him ,,,don't let him hold her back because he made bad decisions ..
im usually in the camp of mind your own business...but you are the adult,,,, you have travelled on many roads your son has not and he does not see the dangers in the road,,,so you can certainly throw some yield signs out
he may feel sorry for this girl,,, and feels hes being mean letting her go..
sometimes we all need a wake up call,,,,
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