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I'm with the OP! I'm sure she didn't teach her son to look for this type of character, and since I have two boys I worry about the same things! I wouldn't want my boys involved with someone so careless about their own lives!
I would have a friendly conversation & try to learn more as to "what's the draw" to her...
You're right to be worried about it. I know some people might not to say not to judge people on their past or appearances, but it's better to worry and end up being wrong than to not worry and her screwing your son over later on. I hope your son learns to see things the way you do.
I know many may say my son is an adult so I shouldn't worry but I do. To start off my son is 22 and dating a girl that's 22...who already has 3 kids!
They've been dating a little over a year and the times she and her brood have been over she won't talk to me and she looks like she lost a fight with a tackle box; she has really ugly piercings in her face and lip and her right arm is a sleeve of ugly tattoos. When I ask her a question she always has one word answers and her kids (7, 5 and 16 months) are into everything and don't behave. I really don't see what my son sees in this girl but she has bad new written all over her. For one she is a HS drop out, dropped out at 16 after having her first at 15, now she works at dollar general and all of her kids have different fathers.
There is one silver lining, due to some issues she's been having she got a partial hysterectomy 2 months ago. I know that may sound mean but it's a good thing she can't have more kids and I don't have to worry about my son becoming baby daddy #4!
I have talked to my son and he says she's really great even with the kids and my son is in college for Engineering and I am SO worried this girl and her children will drag my son down. I just KNOW my son can do SO much better than this tramp!
My stepmother had this same "issue" with her son's gf a few years back. Even worse, the gf's kids' father had custody of the kids, and SHE was allowed only supervised visits.
The son went out with her for a long while. They were in lub. But it didn't last.
If you try to interfere, it'll only push him closer to her.
Even if your son marries someone you don't approve of, things could be worse. Happens all the time. One day, you'll be gone, and he'll be stuck with whoever you deemed to be suitable for him to spend his life with. It's his life.
Watch the movie "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" During the whole movie, the biracial couple seek approval of the two sets of parents. There is much discussion and angst during the movie. At the end, Spencer Tracy gives a speech, in which he says:
Quote:
Where John made his mistake I think was in attaching so much importance to what her mother and I might think... because in the final analysis it doesn't matter a damn what we think. The only thing that matters is what they feel, and how much they feel, for each other. And if it's half of what we felt- that's everything.
For those asking this is his 3rd gf. He had his first in HS at 16 which lasted for 2 years, than another at 19 which lasted for 8 months. My big issue is that my son is ambitious and has his whole life ahead of him. The last thing he needs is some girl that has no ambition of her own and is a HS drop out (she hasn't even got her GED), and has 3 kids she doesn't discipline. I worry she's with him just as a way to make it. As in once he becomes an engineer she'll have her meal ticket. And I also do not want my grand kids to be what this girl has produced.
It is time for you to have a sit down talk with your son about...
... estate planning!
Never mention one word about Tackle Box.
Tell him how proud you are of his chosen career path. And how that he is upon his way towards a professional career, you want to discuss adult matters with him. How you are deciding how to write your will.
Make no promises whatsoever. State plainly and honestly that you have not yet decided what charities you want to endow, or what percentage to charity, and what to family.
Then... Ask him for his advice! Adult to adult! Make him ponder the future.
Mention that you will be talking with an attorney and/or CPA within the next few months.
And conclude the talk by saying that it's a bit too early for you to finalize things, since you will feel much more confident about making a conscientious decision after he has graduated college and shown other hallmarks of maturity.
Speak confidently about him graduating and becoming successful. Never mention "her".
But make an impression on him about those "hallmarks of maturity"
I've been married for 19 years.....I got married at 21. Never had children and it wasn't why I got married even though people like you said that out loud at my wedding.
Why the ad nauseam judgmental rant? You are not a mother, so you cannot begin to comprehend what the OP is dealing with. A REAL mother, is always a MOTHER no matter how old her child is. Her barely adult age son has a tramp that has attached herself to him. Yes TRAMP! Did you not read the girlfriend has 3 children - all with different fathers?
OP - As a motheryou have every right to be concerned. Ironically I have a cousin that found himself in this exact same situation. My aunt and uncle raised their children to be smart, yet compasionate individuals. Unfortunately my cousin ended up being daddy number 4, and all these poor children ended up being raised by either grandparents or their fathers. 9 years later my cousin is raising his daughter. My aunt and uncle financially assisted him through college, knowing full well his life would be far worse uneducated and a single dad. There is no need for someone to guilt you out of the fact you are thrilled this girl cannot get pregnant again.
My cousin will tell you he doesn't regret being a father to a beautiful girl, but he does regret missing out on the typical college experience and growing up too fast. His "white knight syndrome" to a pathological liar and mental case could have easily drove him to addiction or even worse. Thank goodness his focus remained on the one thing that mattered - his daughter!
Encourage your son to immerse himself in college. Don't lecture him or try to intentionally break them up. You might consider privately investigating her family background. I know my cousins' girlfriend tried to paint her life as unfortunate "mistakes" or always someone else's fault. Kill her with kindness, treat your son with love and respect - other than that there really is not much you can do.
For those asking this is his 3rd gf. He had his first in HS at 16 which lasted for 2 years, than another at 19 which lasted for 8 months. My big issue is that my son is ambitious and has his whole life ahead of him. The last thing he needs is some girl that has no ambition of her own and is a HS drop out (she hasn't even got her GED), and has 3 kids she doesn't discipline. I worry she's with him just as a way to make it. As in once he becomes an engineer she'll have her meal ticket. And I also do not want my grand kids to be what this girl has produced.
We get it.
I think anyone here would feel the same way if their child came home with the opposite of whatever Mom's always pictured as a partner for them.
However ...
You have to realize that your attitude could have a big effect on whether he stays with her. Your dislike of her certainly comes across, and you don't want to make yourself the enemy.
For those asking this is his 3rd gf. He had his first in HS at 16 which lasted for 2 years, than another at 19 which lasted for 8 months. My big issue is that my son is ambitious and has his whole life ahead of him. The last thing he needs is some girl that has no ambition of her own and is a HS drop out (she hasn't even got her GED), and has 3 kids she doesn't discipline. I worry she's with him just as a way to make it. As in once he becomes an engineer she'll have her meal ticket. And I also do not want my grand kids to be what this girl has produced.
I don't blame you a bit. Its a tough situation, since he has some experience you have to hope he is just having some fun (I guess) and he snaps out of it before it gets too serious. Sorry OP tough spot. I would tell him how you feel in a concerned way, not threatening. Poor guy, he may ruin his life frankly.
For those asking this is his 3rd gf. He had his first in HS at 16 which lasted for 2 years, than another at 19 which lasted for 8 months. My big issue is that my son is ambitious and has his whole life ahead of him. The last thing he needs is some girl that has no ambition of her own and is a HS drop out (she hasn't even got her GED), and has 3 kids she doesn't discipline. I worry she's with him just as a way to make it. As in once he becomes an engineer she'll have her meal ticket. And I also do not want my grand kids to be what this girl has produced.
Sigh. It's nauseating to read your post. You don't know this girl. How do you know she has no ambition. Maybe she came from a bad family and got off to a rough start but is hoping to go to college when her little one is a bit older? She is somehow managing to work and raise 3 little kids. So you don't approve of her parenting. Tough.
If your son does feel the need to rescue someone, well then you have to look at yourself for that. That comes from the parents.
These kids aren't your grandkids. They will never be because you choose to judge them and make fun of how they look. And call their mother a tramp. Well if their mom is a tramp, what does that make your son?
Oh she got it done, my son took her to get it done and picked her up.
I know looks aren't everything but when one looks like a marilyn manson reject something is off.
Please forgive me if anyone else asked this, I haven't read all the posts. Do you mean he took her to the hospital, she stayed at least overnight, maybe 2 days, and then he picked her up from the hospital?
If not, I would be concerned as it's not an easy operation. She should have been on rest for a couple of weeks and out for a few weeks if it was an abdominal one. If by laparoscopy, then this speeds up the time off for healing. FYI - partial simply means they didn't take her ovaries and cervix. It's still major surgery and very painful removing the uterus.
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