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Old 11-27-2015, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 10,518,218 times
Reputation: 1739

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennies4Penny View Post
Okay OP.... I get what you are saying and attempting to do, but I think you are misguided ?? Or are people misunderstanding?

I have considered letting my kids watch scary movies at a younger age to desensitize them towards fictional fears like ghosts, monsters, and other Freddy Kruger types things. I never watched those movies when I was younger and I can't even watch a trailer for a scary movie without getting freaked out. It is a pointless fear and stressor I would love for my kids to avoid. They have seen Harry Potter and Star Wars movies and the first Jurassic Park. If they started to wince, I assured them it was all fake (we also have them turn away during certain parts). So far no issues.

As far as sex, I am not sure. Sheltering kids from it is definitely the wrong thing to do for many reasons (see the Duggars), but I am not sure if going to the complete other end of the spectrum is right either. I also think you should treat sex and nudity as two separate things, cause they are. I have kids of both genders (oldest is 6) and they all see my husband and I naked practically everyday (changing clothes, showers), but I would definitely NOT want them to see us having sex . I think nudity can teach kids to not be ashamed of their bodies and feel comfortable and confident with themselves. I mean, if I have nothing to hide, why should they? But if I even appear ashamed, they might become ashamed. There is a fine line though, because you do have to teach appropriate nudity, which probably comes naturally for most as we don't walk around outside naked or have a lewd job lol. I think sex, whether appropriate or inappropriate/abusive, needs to be taught through discussions. Sit down sex talks should start around 6-7 (starting with anatomy) and progress each time age appropriately. I have no idea when the appropriate age to see a sex scene is??

I don't know about violence. What kind of desensitzing are you going for here? Kids need to know when to be fearful, but they shouldn't walk around constantly paranoid or too self confident that nothing will ever happen. Again a fine line. I will get reamed for this, but I think American gun culture is the big problem here. People all over the world watch the exact same violent movies we do, they all have criminals, the mentally ill, drugs, gangs, etc, but they don't have easy of access to guns and aren't fed the idea that everyday civilians are supposed to ride in as white Knight's and save the day. It is very easy to watch a movie and say "if I get in that situation, I'll do this" but actually being in the situation is completely different. Unless you have extensive training, you will most likely either do nothing or make the situation worse. As far as BECOMING violent, home life and/or mental illness has more to do with it than watching violent movies.

So OP, I know you have good intentions, but I am not sure that it is good practice in reality.
I understand your concern. We all want what is best for our kids! However, I believe in the use of all things. Not just movies/shows but discussion and opportune teaching moments. Every event is a learning opportunity!

This thread was a discussion about whether desensitization against sex and violence could be a positive. I have 3 girls and 1 boy. The boy walks around the house (as does my husband) in his underwear. 1 of my girls (1 doesn't live here anymore and is married) walks around in her underwear. The other is always dressed. Should I discourage this? I don't think so. My husband and I have sex and have been walked in on (they learned to knock at an early age) yet we don't flaunt it. However, I want my kids to have a good understanding of what is right and what is wrong. Sex between two consenting adults is good. Sex/touching when you don't want it is wrong and they should fight back.

I accomplish this education in a variety of ways but one is using Hollywood. They see something and they ask. I answer and they are more equipped to deal with situations as they arise.

Some of the posters are over-reacting as if I plop my kids in front of the TV and expect them to be desensitized! That's just ridiculous.

Recently my daughter played a YouTube video where the gal said POP forever... we googled it. Then my son (we were in the car at the time) said his friends kept saying that as if it were cool. Now we know that his friends are using a saying to refer to female genitalia over male genitalia... If I was a parent in favor of sheltering my children, my son would be using the acronym!

I believe in OPEN communication. Always.

 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 10,518,218 times
Reputation: 1739
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
No, I don't think that is necessary.

I put an effort into teaching my kids to listen to their six sense. Animals have it and so do humans. I don't feel it is the right thing to do to desensitize them to fear. I put an emphasis on teaching them to beware of their surroundings and people. Learn to pay attention if something doesn't feel right. Don't ignore your six sense.
What if their sixth sense thinks there are ghosts haunting them?
 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 10,518,218 times
Reputation: 1739
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Pride goeth before a fall. Just because your kids were not raped (to your knowledge) doesn't mean YOU were the reason. Did they tell you he made a move on them and what they said or did to stop it? Regardless, pride on your part sounds like you've done your thing and now you don't have to worry. No one disagrees that you need to make your kids aware - doesn't mean we have to agree with YOUR methods.
You'd have to fully grasp the situation (which I can't post here) to know why they were no in danger but to answer the question... they were not touched or raped because they knew what sex was and when it was appropriate. Also the sicko (my BIL) and I had had run ins in the the past about how he treated my sister. Heck.. he was a guy I punched in the 5th grade because he was an a**hole. I was shocked when my sister married him.

That is kinda off topic though.
 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 10,518,218 times
Reputation: 1739
Quote:
Originally Posted by thunderkat59 View Post
No. We are where we are now due to "desensitizing". We need to go back to when abhorrent behavior was acknowledged as such
So like the victorian era when women learned what sex was on their wedding night or while they were being abused?
 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:11 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,869,233 times
Reputation: 24135
When my daughter was about 5ish I let her watch a show called "a baby story" with me. It was the most white washed version of childbirth you could imagine. It was on TLC. The most graphic things it showed was a woman huffing and puffing through labor. And then a beautiful baby emerging into the world (but notifying graphic). She cried. I turned it off. Since then she has been terrified of having a baby. She says she thinkis her birth mom gave her up because of the pain of child birth. She has asked me if her birth mom died in childbirth, many times.

I genuinely thought there was nothing wrong with letting her watch with me, after all she is going to be a woman. This will likely be part of her life. And with pain comes great joy. Nope. The only way to calm her was for me to tell her she can prevent pregnancy, and when she is older I will tell her how too do that. She regularly checks in with me that I will share that information.

I did think her seeing that would desensitize her a little. Nope. Not at all. It traumatized her.

Again, I was actually desentized to sex, violence, pain. I was allowed to watch anything and everything. I was also abused....a lot. I was fearless. I lived in a car. I spent time with criminals. I walked int he dark in bad places. I told off men who were carrying guns. I put up with rapes and molestation.


That's what being desensitized actually means. Getting kids acclimated to TV shows. Pfft. That's nothing.
 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 10,518,218 times
Reputation: 1739
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennies4Penny View Post
I can't believe what I just read. If you think a young child has any say in sexual activity, you must be living on another planet! Do you really think if a child says, "hey don't touch me there, that's my private area" a pedophile is just going to go "oh my bad, sorry" and leave them alone??? Grown women can't even fight off rapists even if they fight with every ounce of their soul! Do you seriously believe the kids just let it happen because they hadn't seen a sex scene on TV? Insane!
I actually do believe that a child can fight back. Bite them, poke out their eyes... Rapists attack those that are clueless that they are giving certain signals.

Read this article for more clarification: https://www.psychologytoday.com/arti.../marked-mayhem
 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 10,518,218 times
Reputation: 1739
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Sexual abuse does not involve a child's resistance or consent. It is a violation of authority and trust.

Read this and educate yourself. You are operating out of your depth and without a clue.

https://rainn.org/get-information/ty...d-sexual-abuse
I taught my kids at an early age to bite, poke, grab genitals, and scream... that is resistance. Consent is to think you have no other choice but to acquiesce.

Whether or not you agree with my "methods" or "education," I have raised 4 kids so far with no abuse. I cannot understand a preteen being sexually abused when they could just fend them off or tell someone. Perhaps I am the minority?
 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 10,518,218 times
Reputation: 1739
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
When my daughter was about 5ish I let her watch a show called "a baby story" with me. It was the most white washed version of childbirth you could imagine. It was on TLC. The most graphic things it showed was a woman huffing and puffing through labor. And then a beautiful baby emerging into the world (but notifying graphic). She cried. I turned it off. Since then she has been terrified of having a baby. She says she thinkis her birth mom gave her up because of the pain of child birth. She has asked me if her birth mom died in childbirth, many times.

I genuinely thought there was nothing wrong with letting her watch with me, after all she is going to be a woman. This will likely be part of her life. And with pain comes great joy. Nope. The only way to calm her was for me to tell her she can prevent pregnancy, and when she is older I will tell her how too do that. She regularly checks in with me that I will share that information.

I did think her seeing that would desensitize her a little. Nope. Not at all. It traumatized her.

Again, I was actually desentized to sex, violence, pain. I was allowed to watch anything and everything. I was also abused....a lot. I was fearless. I lived in a car. I spent time with criminals. I walked int he dark in bad places. I told off men who were carrying guns. I put up with rapes and molestation.


That's what being desensitized actually means. Getting kids acclimated to TV shows. Pfft. That's nothing.
Interestingly enough, I watched that show (after birthing 4 kids naturally) and when it was time for the birth, I had to look away. I let my kids watch it with me too. They never really said anything but my oldest (who is 7 years older than the other 3) said she wouldn't ever have kids after watching me birth the last 3.. I think that is normal.

Maybe it is the personality of the individual that matters. I don't know but I started this thread to explore the possibility of desensitization and how parenting can be aided by even the mundane things like Hollywood.
 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,599 posts, read 1,806,196 times
Reputation: 4917
Quote:
Originally Posted by katjonjj View Post
I actually do believe that a child can fight back. Bite them, poke out their eyes... Rapists attack those that are clueless that they are giving certain signals.

Read this article for more clarification: https://www.psychologytoday.com/arti.../marked-mayhem
Seriously stop, you are making it worse. Of course children fight back! But they are children and can't get a grown man (or woman) off of them no matter what they do. Kicking, screaming, crying, biting the pedophile won't care and will complete the act through the fight. Your neices cried and fought with their father guaranteed. Even if they didn't know the name of what he was doing to them, they knew it was wrong and they knew it hurt. They just didn't lay down and take it like you're implying, as though it was some sort of game. Your thought process is completely messed up.
 
Old 11-27-2015, 08:35 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,599 posts, read 1,806,196 times
Reputation: 4917
Quote:
Originally Posted by katjonjj View Post
I taught my kids at an early age to bite, poke, grab genitals, and scream... that is resistance. Consent is to think you have no other choice but to acquiesce.

Whether or not you agree with my "methods" or "education," I have raised 4 kids so far with no abuse. I cannot understand a preteen being sexually abused when they could just fend them off or tell someone. Perhaps I am the minority?
You were just lucky. Most kids won't get raped or be sexually abused, but to say someone got raped because they didn't know what sex was or didn't fight hard enough is not only asinine, but victim blaming at its finest.
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