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I have been going through this thing with my son for a couple years, some behaviors which have gotten progressively worse, and I am about at my wits end with how to deal with it. I'm a single father who has primary custody, his mom has him about every other weekend and some on "holiday breaks" and stuff, we live in the same town, been divorced for about 6 years and are amicable.
He's smart, but gets average grades (underperforms, does not apply himself)
Has a chronic problem picking up after himself
Has a chronic problem doing chores
Has a chronic problem doing chores correctly when he does them
Has little ambition, no direction
Likes to play video games and watch you tube on the computer, does little else
Basically he has a few "chores" every day which I think are completely reasonable.
1. At breakfast (he eats cereal every day) put the milk back in the fridge, cereal in the pantry, used bowl and spoon rinse and put in the sink or dishwasher if it's empty
- 8 times out of 10, cereal box on counter, bowl left on table, sometimes milk left out
2. In the afternoon after school: bring in mail from mailbox, put shoes on shoe rack, put school stuff (backpack, books, etc), clean up after yourself if you make a snack, do homework, empty dishwasher if it's done
- backpack in the middle of the entrance hallway, shoes in the middle of the floor, socks nearby, school clothes thrown wherever, mess from his snack everywhere. Sometimes homework not done, most days dishwasher not emptied, or dishes not put away correctly
3. At dinner: set table, clean plate and put in sink after done
4. At all times, pick up after yourself, don't leave stuff lying around
5. Clean room once a week
6. Let me know when we need food (milk, cereal, etc)
7. Do your laundry, or let me know when you need it done if I am doing laundry (he KNOWS how to do his own laundry)
Seems pretty straightforward, right?
Not so much.
Inevitably, I will come home, he's on the couch asleep. Dishes not unloaded from dishwasher, clothes, shoes and backpack in the middle of the floor. Snack trash right where he left it.
Once this behavior started, I set expectations for him, and told him there would be consequences if he did not do them.
He, of course, failed to do so. So I started taking privileges away. First Xbox, then laptop, then TV. Basically all electronics privileges. Still is not working. I have password protected ALL the computers and tablets.
He runs out of milk, runs out of clean clothes, and when he does, he goes without. I make him go to school with dirty clothes and if we are out of milk, he has to fend for himself.
His attitude is **** poor, he argues with me a lot, gives me attitude, is ingrateful, tries to make me feel responsible for his failures, and gets upset when I try to correct his shortcomings.
It came to a head last night, I had to work late, as did my long-term girlfriend who lives with us, so I didn't get home until 7pm (I let him know I would be late). I get home, he had made himself a bowl of cereal, bowl still on table, EMPTY box left on counter, MASSIVE pile of crumbs on counter, Milk left out, and now warm/spoiled (sour smelling, even though in date), dishwasher not emptied and the TV was on. This is above the whole shoes/backpack in the middle of the hallway thing that is an almost daily occurance. The first thing he says to me is "I dont have any clean clothes"
I flew off the handle, yelled at him for making such a mess, and not cleaning up, sent him to his room after that for the night. I told him if he needs clean clothes he knows how (he didn't do it, so I have no idea what he did for clothes today). And since the milk was spoiled, I dont know what he did for breakfast.
He's almost 15 and to me this is unacceptable.
I dont know what to do. I talk to other people and hear similar stories, when did this sort of behavior become accepted? I can't deal with it much longer
This is the same son who you gave an attitude to in regards to still playing with toys? I think maybe it's not your son who has the problem. Quite honestly if the list of things you wrote are what is upsetting you, then you are the one with the issues. There are parents whose kids do A LOT worse than your son. Ease up on him for crying out loud.
What?
Because you are having trouble with your kid, you ask "Why are today's teens excused for what amounts to absolutely wretched behavior? " ?!?
Now all teens are lumped in with your son....
Time to parent, not yell. Not disparage his character. Not control what he likes. Have you considered getting to know him and enjoy him as a human being instead of dictating to him constantly.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-08-2015 at 04:51 PM..
Time to parent, not yell. Not disparage his character. Not control what he likes. Have you considered getting to know him and enjoy him as a human being instead of dictating to him constantly.[/quote]
I agree 100%. The way you post about your son makes it seem you absolutely hate your son and consider him an embarrassment. Not just this posting, but others you have made as well. I am sure this rubs off on your son, so why should he care anymore? Have you tried sitting down and TALKING to him? Not yelling, not dictating, just talking? Do you tell him you love him ever? Based on what you have posted your son is not a bad kid at all, let alone wretched. Maybe it's time to give up custody, I don't think you can handle it.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-08-2015 at 12:52 PM..
You all are excusing his complete lack of responsibility... seriously?
Not excusing it, but maybe explaining it. There's a lot more to parenting than feeding and clothing a child.
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