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Sit down and have a business discussion. You want her to have a good start in life.
She is an adult. She can pay a fair room and board. If you wish hire her at prevailing wage to now lawn etc---she can work off her rent.
But if she enrolls in school CC full-time & keeps a grade point of x (whatever is reasonable). You will let her live there rent free; because you consider going to college to be her job. If she's not attending (like during summer) she has to have a full-time job...period. Nobody gets to start with a corner office.
If she is not going to attend college or other training, you need set a limit for how long she can rent her room in your house.
I don't blame her for not wanting to work in fast food, but she needs to step up and take some responsibility since she is not a child anymore and should not expect you to foot the bill for her anymore. I was married and the primary breadwinner by age 21.
She does need to find a job and should be contributing to the household expenses. Sit down with her and set a goal for her for a move-out date. I would work with her on establishing a move-out account that she can put some savings in and of course teach her about budgeting.
There are plenty of jobs out there other than fast food. She needs to get her resume together (PM me for more help) and get on Indeed and the other job boards. Other jobs which often have entry-level roles open are warehousing, manufacturing, retail, and office work. O-NET has a tool which she can use to take a career interest inventory; this might help steer her in a direction for job seeking and job training/education. I didn't like authority either when I was younger, and manufacturing worked pretty well for me--nobody really bothered me and I liked the fast pace and working with my hands. Almost kind of funny that I ended up as an HR Director in manufacturing for someone who didn't like authority isn't it?
College is not for everybody, and it may not have been for her. She might be better served by learning a skilled trade such as HVAC, plumbing, electrical, or the like. There are also programs in the health care sciences that are shorter duration and more hands-on if the problem is her getting bored with the classroom format.
Truthfully, I don't blame your daughter for not wanting to work in fast food at her age. I'd be embarrassed to work fast food in my 20s too, unless perhaps it was a management position. And that's coming from someone who DID work in fast food for several years, bought my own car myself from my hard-earned fast food minimum wages, graduated from college at 21, and worked in various menial retail and restaurant jobs after college for a while when I struggled to find something better. I say this because I remember being 21 or 22 years old, having graduated college with a degree in a rigorous, supposedly "financially lucrative" major (math), working at a grocery store and then at a mall retail store. I felt embarrassed and feared the day one of my customers might be one of my former college classmates, seeing how "successful" the overachiever became after college
I repped you for this cool post, but also wanted to say that I still have these moments of personal embarrassment now and again...and my very early 20s were close to half a lifetime ago. I never obtained my bachelor's and had also initially planned on a rigorous math-intensive major in a STEM field, but I was always top of my class in high school and took every AP I could, STEM & humanities, in my working-class/working poor, urban Southern school district (which was unfortunately not as well funded through property tax etc. as suburban districts that had every AP in the book...e.g. we didn't have AP European History and only some of the AP sciences). I'm told I'm a man who comes across as highly intelligent early on in meeting me...I'm not mentioning this to talk myself up or be narcissistic about it, but to make a point. Because most people who then get to know me and my job history better also tell me that they are puzzled as to why I have so consistently "worked 'below' my capability level professionally."
Some of this is triggered by the widespread bias against skilled trades for people where a bachelor degree and beyond is an option. But some of it, too, is triggered by the (incorrect) assumption that academic achievement and high intelligence inevitably lead to high levels of professional success. To be frank, I have always found that companies prefer to pass on intelligent or high-skill employees if they can, as hiring managers and department heads worry that such people will prove to be competition for their jobs, which they, understandably, want to protect however possible. It's also been my experience that wealthy communities and people can be pretty biased against service-sector jobs (though the working poor gives them stiff competition in that arena), and as such, I prefer to limit my interactions with them.
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HOWEVER, I do not think that making her work fast food is the answer. There are other jobs that require the same set of menial skills (or lack thereof lol) as fast food, that might be more age appropriate for her. I don't think she'd stay long at a job where she feels embarrassed to be working the same job alongside 15-year-olds, you know? You say she worked in retail before but it "didn't pan out". Retail is a very broad industry. Couldn't she find another retail job, perhaps for a different chain/store or a different type of retail work? If she's into clothes, maybe have her apply to a clothing store she likes to shop in? (the employee discounts might motivate her to work there) Or if she's into the night life, perhaps have her wait tables at a popular restaurant or club?
This is all very solid advice, along with the posts about temping in office settings. I'm gonna bump my blurb on getting into the skilled/semi-skilled trades via services like JobCorps again here too, strictly because it got buried many pages back.
For retail, another thought I want to add is to have her check out mobile service providers like TMobile. The sales jobs tend to offer base plus commission and are good practice for sullen, keep-to-themselves young adults to practice and improve social skills. In cities like NYC, the best salespeople can clear $60-65K in a year, and in less expensive cities, the commission can be pretty lucrative considering the job's education/skill prerequisites. My last thought on retail: employee discounts are totally dope when you love the brand, but be sure to avoid chains that demand you use them on large numbers of outfits that you're required to wear as the "uniform." Many college kids find that working for those chains leaves them in the red each month.
Last edited by Mr.BadGuy; 12-29-2015 at 05:23 PM..
When I was a senior, I convinced mom and dad to foot the bill for a very expensive liberal arts private college in Virginia. My dad said he'd pay as long as I maintained a 2.5 average.
I flunked out after my first semester.
My parents cut me off completely. No car, no insurance, notta.
I busted my ass, got three jobs, got a car, an apartments, roomates, and ended up putting myself through college.
You are ENABLING your daughter and aren't helping her at all.
A homeless shelter is not an option, why do you keep mentioning it?
She's not homeless, she's entitled and lazy.
If you don't cut the apron strings now, I can promise you in ten years you'll be footing the bill for her and her two kids by two different loser men.
My last thought on retail: employee discounts are totally dope when you love the brand, but be sure to avoid chains that demand you use them on large numbers of outfits that you're required to wear as the "uniform." Many college kids find that working for those chains leaves them in the red each month.
Great point. There was a girl on another forum (a pregnancy-themed forum) who complained these very sentiments. She only made a little over $10/hr at her clothing store retail job, which isn't much money as it is, plus the job required her to purchase up-to-date style clothing in the store's brands. Between the "uniform" expenses and the low pay, she had accumulated quite a bit of credit card debt by the time she was OP's daughter's age, and is now expecting a child on top of everything else. The last I heard, she was thankfully able to break out of the retail gig and start an office job. But yeah good point. I think another point might be that if the OP's daughter is a spend-crazy clotheshorse, then perhaps putting her in a clothing environment with discounted clothing might be as smart of a financial move as giving an out-of-control alcoholic a bartending gig.
It seems like DonInKansas has disappeared. I find it disconcerting how many people come here for help and then no longer participate in the discussion they start.
Not everyone who works at fast food places are dolts and some of those "toothless welfare cases in dirty sweatpants" could have bought you and that McDonald's with cash, you really never know who you are dealing with.
You need to realize that you and your attitude do nothing to improve the *stigma of fast food* work with you previous and current attitude.
Yeah, probably not. Would make a nice Adam Sandler movie but not reality.
The day that I dealt with my last customer from the general public, my outlook on life and view of the world went up a few notches. I worked customer service after that, but basically business to business.
Now I only have my view of the world tarnished by contractors and car salesman who can never seem to do business without trying to rip someone off.
It seems like DonInKansas has disappeared. I find it disconcerting how many people come here for help and then no longer participate in the discussion they start.
I am here, it's just that I have been busy and every time I come back there's a new page to sort through lol. I do appreciate everyone's thoughts and have decided to take a lot of what she has away. I have talked to her and she seems quite entrenched in not wanting to work, but hopefully she'll change her mind.
I have a similar issue with my 26yo step son. The advice given for tough love is right on, but the problem really boils down to these type of young adults are incredibly immature. I like to say 26 going on 16. My SS REALLY REALLY can't grasp that he is an adult man, not a kid! We kicked him out a long time ago, but had unfortunately enabled him through 4 years of college and 2 of CC, where he only got his associates, and ended 6 courses short of his BS. He drifts from one short term job to the next, living with friends, playing video games on the couch, fat, unkempt slob, etc. He has plenty of past friends, with real jobs, getting married, etc, in other words,mall geown up. Hes been in therapy, seen counselors, etc , and the only solution is to force them to grow up. The HOW part is whats difficult. And the militaries don't want them,meither. They are quite selective now.
I am here, it's just that I have been busy and every time I come back there's a new page to sort through lol. I do appreciate everyone's thoughts and have decided to take a lot of what she has away. I have talked to her and she seems quite entrenched in not wanting to work, but hopefully she'll change her mind.
She also might benefit from counseling to get to her issues. And a full medical work up to make sure she has no medical issues. She may be clinically depressed or have hormones out of whack.
I think I'd not do the taking away part at first. But the I'm supplying you with X in return you are going to pay Y in rent/board...You can do this through work here at Z an hour or cash. This deal is good for this many months.
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