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If you have a close familial unit, then I truly believe it is important to live close to your parents with children.
Denying your child to have a relationship with your own parents, and denying your parents to have a relationship with your children - these to me are sad scenarios. It's heart breaking when someone has to watch their grandchildren grow up through telephone calls, Facebook, etc. I have a deep connection with my grandchildren, and that only comes from seeing them in the flesh.
Sometimes there are good reasons for denying that relationship.
The OP didn't sound like she was denying anything. Her question was to live close or not. She didn't make it sound that if she didn't live close the kids would never see the grandparents.
If you have a close familial unit, then I truly believe it is important to live close to your parents with children.
Denying your child to have a relationship with your own parents, and denying your parents to have a relationship with your children - these to me are sad scenarios. It's heart breaking when someone has to watch their grandchildren grow up through telephone calls, Facebook, etc. I have a deep connection with my grandchildren, and that only comes from seeing them in the flesh.
I agree, but sometimes it's just impossible because of distance. At LEAST there is the Internet, (emails, Face time, Skype, etc) for the grandparents and children to interact, when before there were only expensive long distance phone calls and rare visits because of the cost of travel.
Sometimes there are good reasons for denying that relationship.
The OP didn't sound like she was denying anything. Her question was to live close or not. She didn't make it sound that if she didn't live close the kids would never see the grandparents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann
I agree, but sometimes it's just impossible because of distance. At LEAST there is the Internet, (emails, Face time, Skype, etc) for the grandparents and children to interact, when before there were only expensive long distance phone calls and rare visits because of the cost of travel.
I'm speaking in Utopian terms. In my case I have a great relationship with my children. My wife and I stayed in Massachusetts largely because both of our parents live there. My son (who has our two grandchildren) live 1/2 hour away, right in between us and our daughter-in-laws parents.
Obviously our situation is convenient because we all live in MA. But my grandparents moved to FL when I was a kid. We travelled a couple of times a year to FL to visit, and visa versa, so at least efforts were made for in person get togethers.
The closer you live, the more availability for human contact. therefore, one must weigh all options - work, spouse, etc. And if you do not have a close family, I suppose the argument to stay close could be moot unless you are choosing to try to bring the family closer.
When we built our first house, it was beside our Inlaws. My mother was very worried and said that it wasn't a good idea that they would be living in our pockets, intruding upon our privacy, dropping by all the time, etc. Actually, she was wrong and they were very respectful of our privacy and mostly called before they "dropped in" which wasn't too often. I know it would have gotten on my nerves if they had.
I'd HIGHLY advise against living nearby, if you have parents or Inlaws who don't mind their business or are control freaks, (want to run the show even on trivial things)
You will have them in your face whenever they want, and it won't be pretty.
Not about convenience for us. It's about creating a close extended family atmosphere for our kids, who ADORE my parents. I envy the opportunity they have to get that love on such a regular basis, and it has also made my relationship with my parents closer.
Fyi, we do not use them for child care. People have their own lives.
One thing that people often forget is that grandparents come in all ages and stages of life. Sure, some are newly retired, healthy and in their 60s but some are in their 40s and 50s and still working fulltime and some are older and have health problems.
Also, your brother and sister may hit that "sweet spot" when their children need care but your parents may be older and in ill health when you or your siblings have little ones. I have seen that cause huge resentments in families when one sibling had years of free, fulltime child care and the others have to pay someone.
Someone I know recently had their second baby. Her parents only live 30 minutes away from them. You would think that it would be ideal for their first child to stay with the grandparents while Mom is in the hospital with the new baby. But, her parents are in their mid to late 70s and certainly can not run after an active two year old for several days straight. So, the grandparents are watching their grandchild during the day and the parents are spending a boat-load of money for a babysitter/nanny to stay overnight with their toddler so Mom & Dad can bond with the new baby in the hospital.
I really can't picture those grandparents being able to care for a little baby & a toddler very often to help out Mom & Dad. Their health & endurance is just not there. Thankfully, they are in fairly good health, but by the mid/late 70s that can change fast.
The other grandfather is permanently disabled and needs 24/7 supervision so they are not going to be doing any child care.
I just wanted to mention that so that new parents don't "count their chickens before they are hatched". Maybe your parents are able to provide child care and babysitting but don't count on it. You can still have a close, loving relationship but without some of the "perks" that others may have received.
Last edited by germaine2626; 01-09-2016 at 08:42 AM..
My sister had the perk of her MIL babysitting her son for the first 5 years of his life. It's common for her to do that though. She did it for his siblings as as well. The MIL also wanted them to send him to the school that her neighborhood goes to so she could continue to see him though my sister nixed that idea.
I was quite jealous that she had that perk. It would have saved a quite a bit of money for us over the 6 years our kids needed babysitters,daycare and preschool.
I hope free day care isn't the only reason you want to be near them. I'm not familiar with that area, so I don't know what kind of distances you're talking about.
Full time child care is a major commitment. I hope you aren't assuming they'll be agreeable to that.
Friends of mine are helping with weekly childcare of three young grandsons. Although they agreed to do this at the outset, they are now quite exhausted. The grandmother's own parents had done this for them, so they probably feel that that is just what they ought to do. They are in their mid-sixties, and complain to me every time I see them.
Friends of mine are helping with weekly childcare of three young grandsons. Although they agreed to do this at the outset, they are now quite exhausted. The grandmother's own parents had done this for them, so they probably feel that that is just what they ought to do. They are in their mid-sixties, and complain to me every time I see them.
I know someone that has 4 daughters and 2 of the daughters have children. I think they have 5 kids between the two sisters. Their father is in his 80's and he watches all 5 kids in the summer. The ages are 2, 2, 4, 5 and 12. He does get help from the 12 year old. It's a regular thing during the school year for one of the daughters to come to her parents house after school and drop the 2, 5 and 12 year old off. The grandma still works and so does grandpa. He has an occasional part time job. It's a lot of work all around.
I think every now and again the grandparents above get overwhelmed as we hear about it through a mutual person. Mutual person is horrified that it happens but she also gets overwhelmed when she has all 6 of her grandkids in one house (and that's with their parents too).
I think it all comes down to expectations and how one was raised and what their families did. I spent a lot of time at my grandparents growing up. Days off school, summer, parents going out of town and sometimes just because. My husband never spent a single night at either grandparents houses on his own. ever. I don't think his grandparents helped out when school was out either.
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