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The 15-year old boy can't be that shy. Freshman/Sophomore boys that can get older girls to go out with them need a certain degree of moxie and confidence.
Talking about sex is important, of course. However, I'd make more of an effort to get to know the kid. I wouldn't want someone dating my child when I barely know them or anything about their family. Let your daughter know that you're OK with her dating the boy, but that you want him to spend more time with the family. She should also be spending time with his family. If they aren't mature enough to handle that, then they probably don't need to spend so much time alone.
Young men are more respectful with women when they realize that she has lots of people that care for her.
I dunno, it happens. My friend's son, who does not fit your description, had a 17 yo girlfriend at 15. It didn't last after she went off to college.
Our conversations about birth control started with babies and those we knew who had babies to raise before they were ready.
We talked about being sure that they were ready for the commitment to raising a child before sex because even the best birth control doesn't always work.
We talked about how sex brings people closer but that it hurts if the relationship doesn't work out and how taking it slow until they were sure this was the one would be easier on their hearts.
We also talked about the natural curiosity about sex and even when you know this is the one, there are ways to enjoy sex without the baby-making intercourse. These conversations were awkward with few details, of course. I think Google probably filled in the blanks.
We also discussed condoms because of STDs and AIDs, and choosing partners carefully because you were not only sleeping with this person but with everyone they'd ever slept with.
We talked about life goals and self-esteem and not being pressured into sex before they were ready.
We talked about abortion and while it was personal choice it was often a heartbreaker.
Took each of our kids to to our town's Planned Parenthood clinic so they knew that they always had access to reproductive health care even if they didn't feel comfortable going to our family doctor.
We constantly emphasized the choices and consequences in life with sex as well as partying, getting an education, etc.
Birth control was a small part of the overall conversations of making adult decisions.
I told her my daughter had never been kissed (she was about 15 then)
She gasped, put her hand to her mouth and said "I'm sorry" like I'd just told her she had cancer or something
That could have been me. At 15 (and 16, 17, and 18) I was the original "don't you dare touch me" snow queen. I met DH at 19, he was 25, and I knew him for six months before our first date. He was a very, very patient man.
I had "the talk" with both our girls, and was very open that they could talk to me about anything. We don't keep secrets. They'd had sex ed in school, and they both shared the opinion that the male genitalia is the grossest thing in anatomy and they NEVER wanted to encounter a real one. Or EVER have sex. If I was "The Snow Queen", the oldest was "The Ice Princess"...she never even dated until she met her DH at age 20 (10 years ago). Her DH is infertile. They have one child, via sperm donor. She has never needed birth control.
The younger (age 23)....well, let's just say if she would get pregnant, there would have to be a star in the east. My own mother didn't "run around", and didn't marry my dad until she was 28. Or start a family until 32. I've often wondered...Is lack of sexual "adventurousness" due to upbringing, or is it in the genes?
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 01-17-2016 at 08:50 AM..
Our conversations about birth control started with babies and those we knew who had babies to raise before they were ready.
We talked about being sure that they were ready for the commitment to raising a child before sex because even the best birth control doesn't always work.
We talked about how sex brings people closer but that it hurts if the relationship doesn't work out and how taking it slow until they were sure this was the one would be easier on their hearts.
We also talked about the natural curiosity about sex and even when you know this is the one, there are ways to enjoy sex without the baby-making intercourse. These conversations were awkward with few details, of course. I think Google probably filled in the blanks.
We also discussed condoms because of STDs and AIDs, and choosing partners carefully because you were not only sleeping with this person but with everyone they'd ever slept with.
We talked about life goals and self-esteem and not being pressured into sex before they were ready.
We talked about abortion and while it was personal choice it was often a heartbreaker.
Took each of our kids to to our town's Planned Parenthood clinic so they knew that they always had access to reproductive health care even if they didn't feel comfortable going to our family doctor.
We constantly emphasized the choices and consequences in life with sex as well as partying, getting an education, etc.
Birth control was a small part of the overall conversations of making adult decisions.
So far, so good. Fingers crossed.
Let me tell you, from experience as a pediatric nurse, I've heard your story before with a twist-then they met a guy and had sex in the back of his pick-up truck on the second date. Those teen hormones take over and sometimes all the above goes out the window. Hopefully, they have a condom in their purse.
I'm not saying the above is wrong to do, but sometimes despite all you've done, things happen.
Whatever people think is their business, but reality is what it is. There are some teens who have developed, and for all general appearance purposes they look like "fully developed adults". If we look back in the older society, as nature has presented, these would be females who are at the age to reproduce, (by God given developmental function), they were of not only motherly age, but marriageable age.
Recently I counseled a young relative on the needs to be of cautions when it comes to the consideration of mating. I did not try to tell them what they could and could not do. I pointed out the responsibilities that come along with pregnancy, the fact that for the rest of their lives, "this will be their child'. That child comes with a unknown list of responsibilities.
I further cautioned them, of the nature of relationship ideology in the general sphere, when "men" will expect certain functional duties, often time it includes washing his clothes, preparing him meals, and addressing the endless myriad of things often expected by one mate of the other, which includes house maintenance and the many many things that young people often do not have an affinity for doing. It also includes not giving up your concept of self identity before you have fully developed a sense of confidence in being independently ones self.
It's not logical to try and instill fears about sex, because it may take them 30 yrs to work through those fears and it does not work to tell them horror stories, because their life tract may or may not produce such.
It is a fact, that when they began to have their monthly cycle, they feel all the same urges and drives that ANY WOMAN feels, because that is part of the ovulation natural cycle. It comes with everything that is real to the female agenda. That includes the moments of heightened desire, to the moments of discomfort, cramping and every other thing!!!!
When these realities come into play. It's about the same age that young women began to want to claim their independence, which is often seen as "rebelling". It is the parent’s job, to know these things, and to make sure they understand how to treat her as an individual, but also talk to her about responsibilities within life and of and about herself and the world she is "actively a part of".
Today, young developed females, even at an early age, are "HIT On" by Women as well as by Men. Often parents leave out the part about the women who pursue them, coyly pursue them, and covertly engage to seduce them, as well as the women who want to dominate them and engage them as their sexual playmate or toy for sexual activity. This is so often not discussed, until so many become sitting prey for the multitudes of women who see this as "easy picking".
They are pursued by boys, by men, and by girls and by women!!!!!
DON'T TRY TO IGNORE OR PRETEND THAT FACT IS NOT REAL!!!!!
You can't follow her around with a gun, or lock her in the house, the best you can do is arm her with "HONEST AND TRUTHFUL" information, as best as you can. She will ultimately decide when and whom she chooses to mate with. [i]Don't sling in your racial and other concepts of "off limit" dictations, because it will only push her away from you. [/I]
The media does not help, because it presents and portrays them in every way imaginable as 'Novelty Beauty and Pleasure Beings". Teen Movies depict them as "Lolita's" who are full of "wanton ((especially of a woman) sexually immodest or promiscuous) pleasure".
If they are well developed, pretty to look at and playful and engaging socially, they can be as much a target as they can be seen or chased for conversion into a victim.
Birth Control is more a necessity when all factors are considered, and the nature and natural function, motivation, drives and realism of sexual arousal is a part of their natural realism of self. They too at these ages, began to think of "love" in idealistic terms, and may well become enamored with a sincerity far more driving that that of some adults, they go into it with open heart and open mind.
Where as adults have learned through many trials and errors to be of many many types of cautions and precautions. When many young women love, it is done in a deeply more devotional manner than ever one will experience in their lives.
Only, when people get older and may have been hurt or disappointed or such challenges, do they began to put more cautions within how they love, and it takes them far longer to give in to love as freely and openly as a young woman would and does.
How many parents "forget these things" - they want to continue seeing their "Physically fully developed daughters", as still being the toddler or pre-teen they ONCE was. Then they fight against the young woman trying to force her to comply and fit that imagery, when they fail to recognize this is a young woman fully capable of 'thinking".
Now whether her thinking is matured to know what of cautions to regard, depends a great deal on what has been and what is her exposure, experience and wisdom's taught by their parents, peers and society which she can visibly see on a daily basis.
By 14- 15, if she is physically fully developed, it is without a doubt "she has been hit on by someone”!!!!! These young women know what is within the way people look at them, they know often times what is being said to them, and they know when someone wants to get in their pants. They are not ignorant!!!!!!They may not have the wisdom of an OLDER adult, but they certainly are not unaware of what is within the sphere of someone in aims to pursue them for sex or other means. But they certainly are not ignorant. they may make mistakes, but is there any being who is mistake free in the growing and development of their lives?
People who fight the young girls who wants birth control, only cause her to seek out other means to acquire it, or they try the various techniques that are frequently published in an array of publications, or rhythm cycles and other things.
Sadly, some people fail to even talk to their daughters about the realities of "pregnancy", some are so hard core obstinate as parents, they don't even bring up the subject of sex with their daughter, and then there are others, who "vilify their daughter to the point the daughter is afraid to even mention the word sex to the parents".. Then you have those parents who try to use "abuse" in the form of 'negative labels and condemnations" if the young woman even hints that she is aware of sex.
Wake up people!!!! these girls see the antic's adults go through in their chase of sex, the anguish they sling around if they can't make sex get them what they want, as well as they see all the manipulations people do in the ways people barter sex, both within relationships and outside of relationships. They see how adults try to use it as a tool for a power play over one or the other, and they see how people use it for all sorts of malice and covert means.
They are not Ignorant!!!!!! Remember: they may make mistakes, but is there any being who is mistake free in the growing and development of their lives? don't be one who makes the mistake define their lives for decades to come. Help them grow beyond it and continue building a positive life.
Now if you are wise enough and respectfully teach them about "CHARACTER", "DIGNITY", "PERSONAL SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY", "THE GOD GIVEN VALUE AND RESPONSIBILITY OF AND ABOUT SEX", "THE VALUE OF SOCIAL DECORUM", "THE GRACE AND WONDERS OF BEING A WOMAN", "THE SANCTITY OF BECOMING A MOTHER", AND "WHAT ARE THE VIRTUES OF BEING A WIFE" then those things are fantastic, but don't omit to acknowledge and teach them how these things functions within everyday reality. Then you will teach them about what is birth control as well as many other elements of self management and control of self.
Don't turn your daughter into a family outcast if she becomes pregnant, and don't disrespect her as a person and a human being, if she becomes pregnant, because at that point, she is to become a mother, and you should help her be as strong in being within a member of motherhood as you can possible do.
If you do those things, she will be and become a mother, who knows she is appreciated as an individual, respected as a parent and she will adopt the roles and means of working to be as responsible of a mother as she can be. Help her with the child, help her with her life and help her continue to be the best she can be for herself and her child.
There is no such thing as a infallible human being!!!! realize you are not one, and neither will they be. We live, learn and grow. We do it better when when we have positive support and know we are still loved as an individual and a person. Not judged by labels and contemptuous attitudes.
Are you Godly enough to do that? Is your question unto yourself, you must answer. Or you can damage her and her child for decades to come.
Birth Control has existed throughout the history of societies for hundreds and hundreds of years, as long as there has been the nature of social community.
Last edited by Chance and Change; 01-17-2016 at 10:01 AM..
Our conversations about birth control started with babies and those we knew who had babies to raise before they were ready.
We talked about being sure that they were ready for the commitment to raising a child before sex because even the best birth control doesn't always work.
We talked about how sex brings people closer but that it hurts if the relationship doesn't work out and how taking it slow until they were sure this was the one would be easier on their hearts.
We also talked about the natural curiosity about sex and even when you know this is the one, there are ways to enjoy sex without the baby-making intercourse. These conversations were awkward with few details, of course. I think Google probably filled in the blanks.
We also discussed condoms because of STDs and AIDs, and choosing partners carefully because you were not only sleeping with this person but with everyone they'd ever slept with.
We talked about life goals and self-esteem and not being pressured into sex before they were ready.
We talked about abortion and while it was personal choice it was often a heartbreaker.
Took each of our kids to to our town's Planned Parenthood clinic so they knew that they always had access to reproductive health care even if they didn't feel comfortable going to our family doctor.
We constantly emphasized the choices and consequences in life with sex as well as partying, getting an education, etc.
Birth control was a small part of the overall conversations of making adult decisions.
So far, so good. Fingers crossed.
I agree that parents need to talk about all types of adult decisions not just birth control.
Our conversations about birth control started with babies and those we knew who had babies to raise before they were ready.
We talked about being sure that they were ready for the commitment to raising a child before sex because even the best birth control doesn't always work.
We talked about how sex brings people closer but that it hurts if the relationship doesn't work out and how taking it slow until they were sure this was the one would be easier on their hearts.
We also talked about the natural curiosity about sex and even when you know this is the one, there are ways to enjoy sex without the baby-making intercourse. These conversations were awkward with few details, of course. I think Google probably filled in the blanks.
We also discussed condoms because of STDs and AIDs, and choosing partners carefully because you were not only sleeping with this person but with everyone they'd ever slept with.
We talked about life goals and self-esteem and not being pressured into sex before they were ready.
We talked about abortion and while it was personal choice it was often a heartbreaker.
Took each of our kids to to our town's Planned Parenthood clinic so they knew that they always had access to reproductive health care even if they didn't feel comfortable going to our family doctor.
We constantly emphasized the choices and consequences in life with sex as well as partying, getting an education, etc.
Birth control was a small part of the overall conversations of making adult decisions.
So far, so good. Fingers crossed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katarina Witt
Let me tell you, from experience as a pediatric nurse, I've heard your story before with a twist-then they met a guy and had sex in the back of his pick-up truck on the second date. Those teen hormones take over and sometimes all the above goes out the window. Hopefully, they have a condom in their purse.
I'm not saying the above is wrong to do, but sometimes despite all you've done, things happen.
True. True.
I think that the conversation about birth control needs to start early and cover more than pills, rubbers, and IUDs.
It also needs to cover what they want out of life. Do they want a career that will support a family, a nice home, maybe a bit of travel?
Every child is different. The approach we took worked with the ones we raised.
Last edited by GotHereQuickAsICould; 01-17-2016 at 11:54 AM..
I will put my daughter on low dose hormonal birth control to help with her periods and acne. If she happens to have sex like the majority of teens, she will be protected. (I would respect her if she was very resistant. Somehow I just think it will be a non issue. I think girls need to get used to the responsibility of taking the pill, as you have to take it at the same time every day.)
I started around fifteen for those same issues. Never thought it was weird.
Low dose hormonal birth control intended to regulate periods and control acne does not act as a contraceptive and that's a very dangerous myth. Only actual, normal strength birth control works as birth control.
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