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I read most of that poster's screed, but it seemed very preachy. It makes me wonder if s/he has kids, or at least teen kids. The OP has said her she and her daughter had a talk and DD decided she didn't need BC right now. That is her prerogative to decide. (I'm agreeing with you, sort of talking to the PP here.) With kids who do need BC because they are having sex, it's better to get on with the BC and get the kid protected, then get into the rest of it. Sort of like the difference between first-aid and long term care.
Thanks for the summary, they were loooong. And I agree with the sort of Birth control triage.
DH's sisters were VERY promiscuous as teens...and they were raised in a very strict fundamental Christian religion. FIL literally measured the length of their skirts with a yard stick. MIL NEVER discussed sex or birth control with them. Attitude was, we raised you right, we took you to church, and any bad decisions you make you can blame Satan.
As DH tells it, one sister was a real "w****" (his words), climbing out the windows at night. Pregnant at 16, and got married while pregnant. Had the baby, and still ran around. Younger sister was pregnant at 16, had an abortion, and was pregnant again in senior year (by the same boy). Her mother's reaction? "Well, you may as well marry him". Got married to the baby's father a month after high school graduation. That marriage was an absolute DISASTER and ended up in a painful divorce. A little open talk about sex and birth control could have prevented all this. But let's just ignore it, and if it happens, it's Satan's fault, right?
I wasn't raised in a restrictive religious environment, but my grandmother always aassumed I was having sex in high school and after I met DH...I did go out on dates, but I hated kissing, petting, pawing, etc. and the date was usually disappointed that he never got anywhere past first base (f that). Yet, she'd ALWAYS snarkily tell my mother to "mark the calendar" (my grandmother lived with us) when I went out. When I had a stomach flu and threw up in the morning, she'd accuse me of being pregnant. She thought I was pregnant by DH when we got engaged, when I was 20. I didn't get pregnant with my first until I was 25, over four years after I got married.
I tried to be the "super cool" open parent when my oldest became a teen...open about sex, menstruation, pregnancy...but I did stress self respect, not being forced to do anything you don't like or feel you are not ready for, avoiding those situations, etc. Waste of breath. She could have been my clone...but she hated parties and dates, and found some kind of fault with every boy who asked her out. She preferred focusing on work or sticking her nose in a book to dating. Went out with girlfriends when she went out. Until she met her DH at age 20. He is as "nerdy" as she is (I mean that fondly), and they just clicked. Sorry to be cliche, but there were skyrockets, and he was the ONE. He still is, for her, 10 years later. Although there were some rocky times when it was discovered he was infertile, but they've gotten through that and have a strong marriage.
It's wrong to keep your kids in the dark about sex and birth control, but I think it's equally wrong to assume your daughter is having sex and force birth control on her. And if she's not having sex, and doesn't want to, it's going to make her feel like something is wrong with her.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 01-19-2016 at 01:11 AM..
It's wrong to keep your kids in the dark about sex and birth control, but I think it's equally wrong to assume your daughter is having sex and force birth control on her. And if she's not having sex, and doesn't want to, it's going to make her feel like something is wrong with her.
If I can require my daughter to eat her peas I can require her to be on some form of birth control until she is 18 at least. It's not an assumption of sexual activity nor is it an endorsement of sexual activity. Things can happen, voluntarily or otherwise. You can bet if they ever come out with a male form of the pill I'll have my boys on that as well.
BECAUSE: It's not a one dimension subject. It's a subject that involves "living experiences" which is exactly what sex is a part of, as well as how it comes into play and many things related to the decisions individuals make. We can't just extract ourselves to think that the world around and that which we live within among the many influences which have varying effects and at many times affects our living, is not real. It is very real. You've made a lot of comments, which you evidently value, then trying to de-value other comments is not a suitable manner nor mode, it is unlikely that your voice is a single authority on the matter, even that you may feel it is. The elements of Birth Control, Sex Education, and the massive volume of influences within society is also, "real".
The OP is not only having a conversation about sex, it is about life, lifestyle, and many things that sum up to be a broad discussion regarding birth control, life and responsibility and much else. It is not one dimensional. As to what people discuss at their dinner table is their family business, why'd you'd interject such an extreme assumption has more to do with you, than the subject material being discussed. One cannot say what another gets from subject material, in the world today, we don't live in a closed circle bubble.
I am very much on subject, because the subject is not closed ended.
I would think from the OP last comment, they have engaged the subject and its collateral variables and made a choice to get professional information. We shared thoughts, views, perspectives, variables and spectrum of life's many things, the ultimate decision the mother has arrived upon is to visit the doctors to get more exacting information.
Yeah, I don't think you have much direct experience with kids because if you did, you would know that they understand best the things that are RELEVANT to them.
A thesis on the societal impact of unplanned pregnancy is not the way to go at a discussion of birth control with a teen girl, and the influence of the media is something that good parents have discussed all along the way with their growing children.
So ... I hope you've gotten all this off your chest and can go back to P&OC subforum now.
If I can require my daughter to eat her peas I can require her to be on some form of birth control until she is 18 at least. It's not an assumption of sexual activity nor is it an endorsement of sexual activity. Things can happen, voluntarily or otherwise. You can bet if they ever come out with a male form of the pill I'll have my boys on that as well.
Aside from the idea of trying to CONTROL teenagers instead of teaching and guiding them, it is baffling to me that people are so anxious to give their kids hormonal medicine for no reason. I mean, popping pills because something might happen some day seems like a crazy thing. Would anyone give their kids heart medication in case they might have a heart attack some day?
Aside from the idea of trying to CONTROL teenagers instead of teaching and guiding them, it is baffling to me that people are so anxious to give their kids hormonal medicine for no reason. I mean, popping pills because something might happen some day seems like a crazy thing. Would anyone give their kids heart medication in case they might have a heart attack some day?
Heart conditions aren't at issue here, birth control is. My daughter and my sons have a near 100% chance of being fertile.
Heart conditions aren't at issue here, birth control is. My daughter and my sons have a near 100% chance of being fertile.
So even if they are not having sex, which yields 0% chance of getting pregnant, you are still good with pumping them full of chemicals regardless of their desires? Cool.
The freakiness some people get over pregnancy reminds me of something my Mom told me. She was talking to one of my friend's mothers. They were discussing the WORST THING IN THE WORLD that could happen to us. Friend's mom said pregnancy. My Mom was like... m'kay. Not cancer. Getting hit by a bus....
If the kid does not know they they don't WANT to get pregnant at 16, then they have bigger problems.
So even if they are not having sex, which yields 0% chance of getting pregnant, you are still good with pumping them full of chemicals regardless of their desires? Cool.
Yes. You never know if they are having sex, and rape can happen to anyone. Teen pregnancy is one of the most surefire ways of ruining a child's potential future, and teens are not always capable of understanding the potential ramifications of their impulsive actions. And a rapist doesn't care about the ramifications. So long as it remains legal for teens to use birth control, it will remain within my purview to ensure they use it while under my guardianship. Their good sense will ensure they continue to use it post emancipation.
My daughter is going on some form of birth control the moment she hits menarche. Providing a daughter with birth control is not implied consent for her to have sex. It's a common sense preventative measure. Even if she remains as pure as the driven snow there is always the possibility of rape.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Bully
If I can require my daughter to eat her peas I can require her to be on some form of birth control until she is 18 at least. It's not an assumption of sexual activity nor is it an endorsement of sexual activity. Things can happen, voluntarily or otherwise. You can bet if they ever come out with a male form of the pill I'll have my boys on that as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Bully
Yes. You never know if they are having sex, and rape can happen to anyone. Teen pregnancy is one of the most surefire ways of ruining a child's potential future, and teens are not always capable of understanding the potential ramifications of their impulsive actions. And a rapist doesn't care about the ramifications. So long as it remains legal for teens to use birth control, it will remain within my purview to ensure they use it while under my guardianship. Their good sense will ensure they continue to use it post emancipation.
I understand that you want to be proactive and keep your children from dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. But by your comments, it appears that your children are pre-pubescent and your feelings on it may change. Your daughter may start her period at 11 or 12 and still be very much a young girl who thinks boys are icky. As far as rape goes, the morning after pill can deal with the potential for pregnancy in that situation.
I applaud you for wanting to help your kids avoid pregnancy. But I encourage you to be a bit more flexible in your thinking when the time comes. At least part of the goal of parenting is to help children learn to think for themselves. If you force your daughter onto hormonal BC the minute she starts to have periods, it may have the effect of undermining her confidence in her ability to make decisions about her own body.
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