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I had my first slumber party in the third grade. Granted that was an entirely different time and age. The 80s where kids could roam the street all day without worry. I was also in a Christian school so everyone was really religious and nice. It was boys only of course.
Both my wife and I had bad experiences as children and have avoided parties with multiple kids. Seemed groups tended to create more problems than when it was just one other. We have let our kids go for the "party" part and then come home.
Ultimately you have to feel your kids are mature enough to handle things that can come up and know yourself as well. I would prefer to know the family, but as others have noted, statistically speaking, more problems happen under that scenario.
Completely and utterly wrong. We have a very VERY good and logical reason for such heavy handed control. If we let our kids out to run around the neighborhood and have fun with the neighborhood kids without adult supervision, our kids will get brought back to our doorstep by the cops (if we actually get them back), and half our neighbors will call CPS. Then there will be an investigation, we may lose our jobs, our children are placed in foster care while we fulfill court requirements like parenting classes where we swear to never again let our kids out of our sight.
Helicopter parents are helicopter parents because society today requires parents to be helicopter parents. "Control your kids!!" "Where are the parents??" "Those kids are being neglected, call CPS!" That's the rally cry these days. I don't dare let my kids out of my sight, but not because I think they will be kidnapped, or abused or anything like that. Because I'm scared of my neighbor calling the cops if they can't see me next to my kids at all times.
The same "newsfeed" phenomenon exists with regard to this type of thing as well. Most of the time no one is calling the cops or cps for groups of children playing outside, the two or three cases are extremely misleading and don't happen often let alone the every time you seem to be implying,
Calm down, don't panic, you're not going to lose your job for letting your appropriately aged children play with their friends.
This is the exact kind of hyperbolic hysteria he was referring to.
We did slumber parties from preschool onward.....at younger ages we always knew or met the parents....by 4th grade.....it was a phone call and meeting them at drop off.
Never a problem....no one called CPS....don't even recall lots of drama...lots of giggles and dancing and pizza. Oh...we did have one girl get a splinter once.
My children who are in 2nd and 4th grade have been invited to a slumber party. I don't the family that well, and my children have never slept over at a friend's house before, probably because it just doesn't come up that much. I would be more open to it if I knew the family extremely well, but I don't.
Thoughts?
I had no hard and fast rule. It depended upon the family, what I thought of them, and how close I wanted my children to become with these people. However, to my mind, a slumber party is less intimate, and thus safer, than a one on one sleep over.
They were really never asked by anyone before 4th grade, at which time there was an avalanche of slumber parties. I think it's a normal "right of passage" - more so for girls - as they exit early childhood and enter the "Tween" or "pre-teen" years.
They were part of growing up when I was a girl and they were normal for my now 18 year old daughter. Don't be alarmed. They do need to spread their wings at some point.
Even if you did know the family well, you still wouldn't know their "secrets".
Talk to the other parents and see what they're doing. It will probably be fine. However, if you don't want them to sleepover, just let them go to the party. Be prepared, though --- they're going to feel embarrassed (and maybe resentful) when you come to pick them up and not let them sleep over.
My daughter is 6 and she had her first sleepover at 5 though I knew the family. My son had his first one at 7. I agree that it's hard to get to know all the kids and parents in your child's class. I would try to get to know the family somehow maybe do coffee or something with the mom. I wouldn't go to the party. Parents aren't invited to the party part. It would be rude as another poster mentioned. Now if it was at a bowling alley and then everyone sleeps over after that's different.
To the poster who's neighborhood and neighbors always call the cops I would move. Not a fun way to grow up. My son and his friends ride their bikes over to the neighborhood park and play football. Teens ride their skateboards and play tennis and walk the trails and play basketball. Sometimes there are complaints from the neighbors about trash left behind or lights left on but no one has or would call the cops on that kind of stuff.
We (my sister and I) had MUCHO pajama parties. Only girls and only close friends. Our parents weren't really friends but we were. Only good friends got invited so I'd seriously consider it. I think it's a plus that they are invited together, they can watch out for each other. You should think about hosting one so you can get to know the kids. They are probably a close knit bunch.
to the OP, my .02 is that doesn't sound like a great idea but trust your instincts. I always wonder what's the rush to have your kids 'grow up' so fast? It's exactly how early cliques are built like it or not--(yes it starts this young and pushed by parents) and so there's a sense of peer pressure..who the hell wants that? A 2nd grader and a 4th grader (I have 2 similar + one Kinder) don't really know what they want and while it may sound kind of cool to sleepover, it's not for everyone. Every child is different and not knowing the 'hosting' side doesn't help. They'll have so many years to be away from home....
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