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The obvious way to solve this is to force anyone who wants to claim to be a parent to affirm it on the birth certificate, or the child is taken away to be adopted.
So because "daddy" doesn't want to step up and be responsible, mom loses the kid too? That makes absolutely no sense. And we don't forcibly take babies away from unwed mothers anymore in this country, because it is a barbaric and illegal practice.
He should sue April for 50/50 custody and make her pay him child support if their incomes warrant it.
And people should stop thinking about child custody as a punishment or reward. It is a privilege and an honor and a duty and should be treated as such.
So because "daddy" doesn't want to step up and be responsible, mom loses the kid too? That makes absolutely no sense. And we don't forcibly take babies away from unwed mothers anymore in this country, because it is a barbaric and illegal practice.
Why not? We take kids away from unwed fathers all the time...and then still make them pay for the child they are denied access to. In fact the more thorough the denial of access is, the greater the financial obligation is.
He should sue April for 50/50 custody and make her pay him child support if their incomes warrant it.
And people should stop thinking about child custody as a punishment or reward. It is a privilege and an honor and a duty and should be treated as such.
While I agree with the logic, it's still forcing a man to be a father, even if it's just financially. Women can choose to have their children adopted or they can terminate a pregnancy. Why can't a man choose to say "no, it was a mistake... I don't want the obligation." There should be options to choose.
And child custody/rearing isn't a reward to everyone. Especially when you're looking at it coming from a random hookup, "I want a baby" situation or the all-too-common teen pregnancy.
You can say that he should've thought of that when he had sex but who really thinks? It's paradise by the Dashboard lights and then you're left with 15 minutes leading to 18 years with someone you probably didn't want to be with.
Again, just find it interesting that we've evolved to allowing women several opportunities to choose but men have none unless the woman chooses one that will just happen to benefit him too.
Last edited by TxHeather; 02-02-2016 at 06:54 AM..
I would think he has legal grounds to say: We used protection, so I'm not responsible for this child, she deliberately trapped me. How does he or a judge know she didn't deliberately sabotage the birth control? Poke a pin in the condom before using it?
It comes down to he said/she said.
I can see how he wouldn't like to think of his child running around the world with no contact from him at all. Maybe he would want to contribute financially so that he can 'do the right thing'. but maybe he is a horrible person also, and April will be stuck with the spawn of satan.
I knew an aquaintance in a situation sorta like April's . She had just moved to the city and went out one night and had a random hookup. She ended up pregnant. She thought the guy was single but in this case he was not. He had a wife (now ex) and two older children. She had the baby and it's a mess. She badmouths the dad and the child craves attention. She gets more and more child support.
I agree with the other posters. When two consenting adults take part in an act that can make a baby, they are both responsible for the outcome of that act. If they didn't want to be a father than they know what not to do or what they should wear or what they need snipped to not be a father.
While I agree with the logic, it's still forcing a man to be a father, even if it's just financially. Women can choose to have their children adopted or they can terminate a pregnancy. Why can't a man choose to say "no, it was a mistake... I don't want the obligation." There should be options to choose.
And child custody/rearing isn't a reward to everyone. Especially when you're looking at it coming from a random hookup, "I want a baby" situation or the all-too-common teen pregnancy.
You can say that he should've thought of that when he had sex but who really thinks? It's paradise by the Dashboard lights and then you're left with 15 minutes leading to 18 years with someone you probably didn't want to be with.
Again, just find it interesting that we've evolved to allowing women several opportunities to choose but men have none unless the woman chooses one that will just happen to benefit him too.
This is the thing. I believe in "Keep it in your pants and it will keep you out of trouble" logic as a first step in birth control between unmarried couples, but our society is evolving to where many people don't want or respect that. If you want true equality, then both people in the relationship should get to decide whether they get to be a parent. Legally, the woman gets a choice of whether to carry that baby to term or not. If the guy got the choice to decide whether to become a father or not after conception, I bet a lot of those woman would make different decisions on whether to hookup or not and whether they wanted to effectively use birth control or not.
I've also heard of suggestions on possibly having a date/sex contract spelling out what you consent to and far you will go and in event of a pregnancy what your choice would would be for that pregnancy and it might even have the effect of decreasing date rapes. It's something for thought.
While I agree with the logic, it's still forcing a man to be a father, even if it's just financially. Women can choose to have their children adopted or they can terminate a pregnancy. Why can't a man choose to say "no, it was a mistake... I don't want the obligation." There should be options to choose.
And child custody/rearing isn't a reward to everyone. Especially when you're looking at it coming from a random hookup, "I want a baby" situation or the all-too-common teen pregnancy.
You can say that he should've thought of that when he had sex but who really thinks? It's paradise by the Dashboard lights and then you're left with 15 minutes leading to 18 years with someone you probably didn't want to be with.
Again, just find it interesting that we've evolved to allowing women several opportunities to choose but men have none unless the woman chooses one that will just happen to benefit him too.
In my opinion, the man had a choice not to have sex, as did the woman. Their ships already sailed and he should have protected himself better and known the risks regardless of what BC strategy, if any, he used.
TXHeather, it may be tempting to want to enable "entrapped" guys to get out of this kind of situation, but from a law-making standpoint ... it seems highly likely to me that deadbeat guys would use "opt-out" laws as just another way to skirt responsibility for children fathered with women they were dating or even married to at the time and who they may have consented to at one time. So once they leave or the relationship dissolves, they will just say they wanted no part of it, they were tricked/trapped, and opt out of supporting their children. I think it is a very slippery slope.
I don't think that would be good for the children involved, or for society in general. There are precious few "rules" or morals left, and if we make paying child support optional, it just creates more poor, needy, neglected, suffering children in this world. And I am opposed to that.
Anyone who has sex HAS TO KNOW that pregnancy is a possibility. You said it yourself; it's a NO BRAINER.
But making a baby doesn't make you a parent. Can she legally force his hand? Sure. Should she? That's an ethical choice.
So ... congratulations?? She basically got pregnant off a one-night stand. I'm sure this poor kid's life will be guided by many more similarly poor decisions that "April" makes.
Correction: the mistakes that April AND the guy she was with made.
I believe someone else mentioned this, but perhaps there is a need to develop more birth control options for men. If they aren't allowed to partake in the decision process following conception (keep, terminate, adopt out), then he should have more options for protecting himself from getting to that point.
Btw...great discussion everyone! So many varying views and comments. Always refreshing to enrich knowledge through conversation.
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