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I tend to determine what's right for a kid to do based on what's right for an adult to do. After all, we're raising future adults here.
Would it be OK for an adult to walk up and sit down at another table and start talking loudly to them about random stuff? No.
The boy might do this because he doesn't have self control or someone telling him he shouldn't. Kids do stuff for just those reasons and no, it's not as bad/weird/nutty as an adult doing it. But it's still a teaching opportunity for empathy and manners.
All that "crotchety old lady stuff" aside (I'm neither crotchety or old really!)... this reminds me of one time I was in a diner with a long bar with stools. My son, barely two, bolted when I was trying to get his coat on (he's autistic and a runner, which means he has a compulsion to run/bolt/escape for no apparent reason) and he ran to climb up onto a stool between these two huge, rough-looking biker dudes with grey beards, leather vests over nothing but tattooed chests etc.
I of course bolted across the diner after him and apologized profusely and took him off the stool and away. They thought it was hilarious... it looked hilarious. Would've made a great picture. But certainly not appropriate behavior.
I have seen many of those types of kids everyone thinks are cute at 10, looking sad, lonely and confused by 13. They haven't changed, just people's perceptions of them; especially their peers. Parents who decide that their kid is cute to everyone and cannot actually acknowledge that to others (especially those who interact with their children daily) such behavior is annoying at best are setting that child up to be unhappy.
The ability to read social cues are a skill that is developed throughout childhood, no more no less. If this was any other skill or developmental milestone, people would be suggesting the parent to help the child rather than tell them how "cute" it is. If the child wasn't meeting gross motor skills milestones, no one would be telling the parents "don't sweat that he can't run or walk without falling, its cute!". This child is a pre-teen, he needs to practice these skills now. It is great that he is going to go to a therapist, but as the OP mentioned he is in a school that while teaching kindness to the children, is not really teaching him how to interact appropriately with his peers. What is going to happen to him in high school? Being politely tolerated by adults will not make up for being ignored by his peers.
I clearly stated that the parents need to continue to train him to pick up on social cues and norms. I just don't think that from the description the OP gave, that he is some sort of raving weirdo kid. He just sounds to me to be on the much more extroverted and enthusiastic end of the normal range, for his age and maturity level.
My son was a lot like that when he was 5 and 6. While he rarely (by that age) went up to strangers in a restaurant (he did that more at age 3 or 4) or in some of the situations that your 10 year old son does he often talked to neighbors on our quiet, private cul-du-sac. While I monitored from our deck or the window I would also intervene if it seemed like he was bothering them or "over staying his welcome". And, since these were long time friends & neighbors I could also ask them if my son bothered them or if it was OK. And, they always said that he was cute, polite, well-spoken, enthusiastic and it was fine and they never appeared to be annoyed.
Well, years later, I would hear a comment here and a comment there that perhaps my son was sort of annoying and was bothering them at times but they really did not want to tell him or me the truth at the time (in part because he was so cute & the interactions were brief & infrequent). Not everyone said that, but I was very surprised to even hear it at all, because I thought that I had been so careful to monitor the situation.
So, OP, here is something else to consider. Perhaps, some of these strangers who are saying that it is fine & OK are not really being honest with you.
Is it also possible that because of your son's gross motor delays the strangers are thinking that he is a much younger child? That may effect the interactions in two ways, they may be more tolerant of a younger, socially immature child talking to them and also if he uses big words & longer sentences & more mature topics they may just be surprised and interested to hear a 5 to 8 year old talking like that.
I think people are making some assumptions and its starting to take a life of its own. I am not talking about a restaurant. I am talking about a club level lounge in a children's oriented theme park hotel. The lounge isn't set up distinctly like a restaurant is. I would NEVER let my child go hang out at someone's table in a formal sit down place (or even McDonalds for that matter). This wasn't like a restaurant. It served a light breakfast and snacks through out the day. He would go to tables/seating areas with kids at them that were usually facing the tv with cartoons playing. A couple times he joined a group that had boys his age to try to strike up a conversation about the days activities. When I would go up (I did several times), the parents or grandparents would tell me all was right in the world. Hey I am happy to remove my child, but I am not a mind reader. And if you are fine with it, I am fine with it.
He is mostly *really* loud when we are out enjoying new experiences. Like watching the fireworks, seeing animals, getting ready to go on a ride. In those situations he will often turn to the person close to him to share his excitement. Sometimes its an adult, sometimes a kid. A lot of people don't engage much. Occasionally someone will strike up a conversation back. Sometimes people will look at me and smile, sometimes compliment him. It doesn't seem to bother him no matter what they do. I have yet to get an actual complaint. But it does wear on *me* through a week and a half of exciting adventures. I won't lie. But then I am around it 24/7 on vacation.
Its assumed he has bad manners. No, he does''t. He asks if he can sit down. He has good table manners. He often compliments people, offers to go get them something, coos at babies. He does tend to dominate the conversation with things he knows. This is something we are working on. He also talks loudly. It isn't shouting. This is also something we are actively working on. I am sure it bugs me (as I am always around it) more then most people. Remember he is 10, not 20. He has rough edges that we are smoothing out.
I am not oblivious to his need for social training. As I stated, he has started therapy with a therapist who specializes in kids like him.
I got some "he is fine" replies here. And a few "meh, I wouldn't like it". But I am now having to defend myself and my child because the story is taking a life of its own and not staying factual. That is what I am defensive about, not the answers people give based on what I am actually explaining.
My son was a lot like that when he was 5 and 6. While he rarely (by that age) went up to strangers in a restaurant (he did that more at age 3 or 4) or in some of the situations that your 10 year old son does he often talked to neighbors on our quiet, private cul-du-sac. While I monitored from our deck or the window I would also intervene if it seemed like he was bothering them or "over staying his welcome". And, since these were long time friends & neighbors I could also ask them if my son bothered them or if it was OK. And, they always said that he was cute, polite, well-spoken, enthusiastic and it was fine and they never appeared to be annoyed.
Well, years later, I would hear a comment here and a comment there that perhaps my son was sort of annoying and was bothering them at times but they really did not want to tell him or me the truth at the time (in part because he was so cute & the interactions were brief & infrequent). Not everyone said that, but I was very surprised to even hear it at all, because I thought that I had been so careful to monitor the situation.
So, OP, here is something else to consider. Perhaps, some of these strangers who are saying that it is fine & OK are not really being honest with you.
Is it also possible that because of your son's gross motor delays the strangers are thinking that he is a much younger child? That may effect the interactions in two ways, they may be more tolerant of a younger, socially immature child talking to them and also if he uses big words & longer sentences & more mature topics they may just be surprised and interested to hear a 5 to 8 year old talking like that.
He is also 1st percentile in height. People think he is 7 usually. And with his language skills, a genius 7. LOL.
And I agree, some people might be annoyed with it. But if they aren't honest, I can't read minds. And I am not going to teach my kid people don't like him. That would mess with his self esteem. I know some people do find him delightful as well. I don't ask "is it ok he is here" or "is he bothering you". I start out with "I am so sorry my kid just came and joined your family. Son, come on". To which they could easily say "Bye kid, nice to meet you" but nearly always say "oh no he is fine, we enjoy talking to him". What do I do then?
Well, that's probably all you can do if you've ruled out hearing issues.
He sounds like an adorable kid to me. Sort of a bull in a china closet as the old saying goes, but lovable. I can definitely relate.
I hate to scare you (since I think I've said thing that have unsettled you in the past - SORRY!) but I am "that kid." All grown up. I've always been an extrovert. I've always been extremely sociable. I've always had an IQ in the range of your son's IQ, and also always been comfortable approaching strangers, talking to them, etc. And like your son, I have a naturally projecting voice, and I tend to be very excitable and full of animation, gestures, etc.
Of course, as an adult, I've learned more about appropriate behaviors, but as a child, I probably ruffled a few feathers, and I also know that I charmed a few people too along the way.
My report cards over the years are full of comments like, "Kathryn never met a stranger," or "If we could only channel her energy into math, we'd all be better off," or "She's the life of the party - I just wish she knew that social studies isn't one big party," - that sort of thing. I had good but not great grades - I was an above average student but definitely never going to make the Dean's List, because that would require too much solitary effort and I was too busy being sociable and having a great time.
I was the teacher's pet one year and the bane of the teacher's existence the next year - it just depended on the teacher. But one thing that was consistent was that I always had plenty of friends, and I was always happy and enthusiastic.
I'm not trying to talk about myself but instead I think maybe your son has some of these same characteristics. He has a big personality - you have to give him a lot of room. He was born with it, it's not something he can easily control. It's bigger than average and probably alarms you because you are quieter than average. It also probably alarms other people who aren't as gregarious and outgoing and excitable as he is - but he is what he is, and all you can do is guide him back to appropriate boundaries and just keep doing it over and over again. Eventually he will probably get the picture and will have the maturity to curtail a bit of his over the top persona - but honestly, it may take him awhile go get a grip on it.
Meanwhile, he'll be making friends and driving some people crazy and that's just the way life will probably be for him.
By the way, my husband is also one of those types of people, and always has been. No, we didn't marry our opposite - we had to find another person who could understand the inside of our heads. Only another person with the same level of energy and enthusiasm and clumsiness combined could understand and put up with us!
Good luck with your son. I have a feeling he is going to turn out fine, and have lots and lots of friends, and adventures, along the way.
You sound a lot like my son LOL. Bull in a china shop. LOL I have been describing him that way since he was crawling. And yeah...he could totally kill school but its just so boring to sit there and work alone. He would much rather learn by doing, seeing, interacting, discussing. Right now he has a paper past due on a famous historical figure. He read a book, watched some videos, did online research. he can tell you almost everything you want to know. But getting him to sit down and take the time to write it out is killing me. He is now forced to go in before school and stay after until he gets it finished. At least there won't be a lot of friends there to distract him...I hope
Actually the comment i get most of the time when I go to retrieve him is how well mannered and behaved he is. I hear it all the time about him (in other situations as well). This trip a grandmother came up to me in the hall way just to tell me she had breakfast with my son and I was embarrassed and she started going on about how well mannered he is and she wishes her grandkids were like that. So I don't think its really the case here...even though I see TONS of room for improvement with his manners...he at least has them for strangers.
This doesn't really match with the rest of what you're saying. Why would she tell you this in the hallway if you had been there when it was happening? Why was he eating breakfast with another group of people? My son would also love to table hop, talking to everyone in the room but we don't let him. And we definitely wouldn't want to have breakfast with anyone but our family but we would not turn away a little boy there by himself - we would assume a child was alone if his parents allowed him to bring his food to our table. But then we'd have to feel awkward having to avoid being there at the same time for the rest of our trip.
Of course you shouldn't tell him other people don't like him, but you could tell him he's not allowed to initiate conversations with strangers without permission from Mom or Dad because he's too young to figure out for himself when such interactions are appropriate. You can tell him that when the family is on vacation, he interacts only with you, your husband and your daughter and, with your prior permission, certain other children his own age.
This doesn't really match with the rest of what you're saying. Why would she tell you this in the hallway if you had been there when it was happening? Why was he eating breakfast with another group of people? My son would also love to table hop, talking to everyone in the room but we don't let him. And we definitely wouldn't want to have breakfast with anyone but our family but we would not turn away a little boy there by himself - we would assume a child was alone if his parents allowed him to bring his food to our table. But then we'd have to feel awkward having to avoid being there at the same time for the rest of our trip.
Now I'm confused too. I answered the way I did, that it wouldn't bother me, because I only saw the part of the OP about being in a lounge area with cartoons on. I reread it, and see there is a reference to his doing it while "out and about" too. Where?
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