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Drowning in debt is not the solution. Your daughter sounds depressed. Independence is what she needs. Have her get her own place (with room mates if necessary) and work to pay her rent, have independence, and she can decide if she wants to fill out the FAFSA or continue working. Independence will straighten her out.
The first thing you need to do is pick your battles and the hours she keeps are the things you don't need to worry about. She's not working a nine to five job so stop expecting her sleep patterns to be the same as someone who is. Her work day ends about five hours after a nine to fiver so it makes sense that she would go to bed five hours later and get up five hours later.
Drinking at home by herself is totally different than drinking with friends in a social setting. It's your house you're permitted to establish reasonable rules for its use.
At 18, she's breaking the law drinking. If she leaves your house after she's been drinking and gets into an accident, you can be held liable and even have criminal charges against you! All alcohol under lock and key immediately....better yet none in the home as long as she lives there.
Effective immediately....a lease. She pays rent. If she doesn't, she's evicted. End of story. She's an adult. She's needs to act like one. Adults have responsibility. Don't say you can't kick her out, YES you CAN! By saying you can't, you're part of the problem.
No coddling her. She needs to attend AA meetings or meetings for teens. This is not negotiable.
If she doesn't like the rules, there's the door sweetheart. Don't let it hit ya, where the good lord split ya. It's called tough love. Going easy on her hasn't worked. Now it's time to get real before you both end up with a major problem.
I'm not in favor of 18 yr olds drinking. But, as long as the daughter is fulfilling her work and school responsibilities, then I think it might be overkill to consider her in need of AA. Sit down and ask her what she wants her future to look like.
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"Just livin' day by day"
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Location: USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
Exactly.
I am surprised that underage drinking is condoned.
I've seen it happen. Usually, in families of alcoholics or are permissive in their parenting. OP, you need to step up & be her mother not her friend by allowing underage drinking. Laws on that are much tougher than 15-20yrs. ago and not something that looks good on her record if she gets caught. And if she is depressed & drinking alone, that is a sign she needs help
Thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I don't have many people in which I can confide. Your constructive feedback is appreciated. Thank you. I look forward to any other input.
Hello. My darling daughter had a spectacular high school career: top of class, sports, Girl Scout Gold award, student council, etc. ........... We won’t toss her out for drinking (worse things, yes).
What's on the list of "worse thing"? You have have an 18 or 19 year old daughter who had a "spectacular high school career"..... who is now staying up all night....by herself....getting smashed. That's not normal. You're awfully blase about the fact she's an underage drinker who gets people to supply her with alcohol.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 02-09-2016 at 06:36 PM..
Ban the alcohol. She's shown she can't handle it appropriately. It seems as though her options are play by the rules and live at home, or play by her own rules and figure out how to live on her own. She's a legal adult, so you can't control her behavior... but you can decide that her behavior will have to take place somewhere other than in your home. Your roof, your rules. Tell her the new rules and if she can't deal, help her pack and give her til the end of the month.
I would insist that she can not drink at home nor drink and drive. They make very, effective low cost breathilizers that you can do either random checks or every time she gets home after driving.
I personally know at least one college student who became a full blown alcoholic by drinking every day, like your daughter. He did not realize that it was a problem until he was hired for a very prestigious, high paying job after college, just an amazing opportunity in his field.
The company even gave him a reception/welcome party the night before his first day of work. He got drunk in front of his new bosses & co-workers. The next day he arrived at work, on time but hung over, and was immediately fired (actually, since he hadn't actually started work all they did was withdraw the offer). That day he started AA and attended 90 meetings in 90 days to kick off his sobriety.
That was a number of years ago and while he now has a pretty good job he never completely recovered from that setback and humiliation.
So, yes, even teenagers can be alcoholics. She needs help.
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-09-2016 at 06:42 PM..
You're letting an 18 year-old drink in your house?
It's time for the boot. If she wants to be surly and unappreciative and make these kind of adult choices, she can support herself. Enabling her will only make this worse.
Tell her you love her and she can come home on Sundays for chicken dinner. But otherwise her stuff is out on the lawn and the locks changed.
The good news is shes only 18, the bad news is she needs help and a wakeup call with the drugs or her life is down the drain.
This is why I dont get why people think drinking is a casual thing when stories like this are not uncommon at all
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