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Then why is her daughter's father even in the picture, much less given access to the 13 yr old?
Not our business.
The OP wants the topic to be laid to rest. She got lots of advice. She is feeling bad. Lets drop it and let her sort things out, not make her feel worse.
The OP wants the topic to be laid to rest. She got lots of advice. She is feeling bad. Lets drop it and let her sort things out, not make her feel worse.
Well, I'm not going to bash you -- you already know you made a mistake. For your own mental health, would you PLEASE go for counseling? Someone who would turn her life inside-out because some social-media-player said a few nice words to her has some real self-esteem issues. Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places -- and the people who advised you to rip your child out of her safe and loved environment where she was flourshing, to haul across the country to be with a man you barely knew need to be smacked upside the head. WTH?
"Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be." Time to straighten up and fly right, m'dear.
Daughter goes home with you. You can tell her that you understand her frustration, and you are sorry that you threw this wrench into her life, but you've see the light, and promise that, from now on, she comes first. You are going back to the way things were -- you have a rare chance to hit the "delete" button (well, except for the new baby and your daughter's angst). Her dad doesn't sound like father material, either, but then again, you're not exactly in a position to throw stones, are you?
Never mind. She goes back with you. Pack it up and get the hell out of there, if you have to gag her and throw her in the backseat. She is 13, she does not get a vote. If he has hit you, strongly consider getting a restraining order against him. She does NOT need to see her mother beat up by a really screwed-up man. You don't need her support -- she needs YOUR support. She is a CHILD, no matter how sophisticated she might pretend to be. You HAVE to stop fluttering your hands in the air and going, "Oh, why is this happening to me?! Poor me!" It's time to turn into a Mama Bear and be a fierce advocate for YOUR DAUGHTER. And yourself.
Good luck.
THIS! THIS! THIS! excellent post! perfect advice. Get out now, WITH your daughter.
I wish people would stop bashing posters like the OP. People make mistakes and she has admitted to it. Stop running down her previous poor choices and give her good, kind advice instead. She came on here for help, not to be made to feel like crap even more than she already does.
I wish people would stop bashing posters like the OP. People make mistakes and she has admitted to it. Stop running down her previous poor choices and give her good, kind advice instead. She came on here for help, not to be made to feel like crap even more than she already does.
While she is admitting to past mistakes, she is openly asking for help to make new mistakes (getting back with the person her entire family said she needed to leave). She is only capable of seeing the past mistakes; not making correct decisions now. She has indicated she "knows what she needs to do"; I'm not so sure she does. I feel really sorry for her children.
You must not have a child now, and especially not by this man. It's still legal for you to have an abortion. Run and get one now. Then move yourself and daughter back home to near your family for help. Get sterilized or at least implanted with long term contraceptive. A baby by this crazy man will mean you can never get away from him.
Stop living for you. Live for your child another 5 years. Let her be the one to decide this one and you bite the bullet, swallow your dangerous pride and make a go of living where you decided to move. She will forever be grateful.
It wasn't ammunition against the mom. It's a valid question, especially with some advising the 13 year old move in with her father.
And the mom said it wasn't an option. So she is on top of that.
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