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But new mom, I will also say this. There is nothing wrong with getting Baby Einstein and plopping your kid in front of it (safely confined, like in a jumper or pack n play) for a few minutes so you can pee and make a bottle. You do not have to be entertaining your child EVERY SECOND of EVERY DAY. You will go insane. Take a short, quick, break here and there. Obviously don't ignore your child for hours, but if an episode a day keeps your kid happy and gives you a chance to breathe for just a minute, it's really okay.
You don't have to entertain your child every second and your child does not have to be entertained every second either! You only feel okay if you're away for a few minutes to pee? Your baby can find a way to amuse themself and it's much healthier for them to learn how to do that anyway. Kids have trouble later in school because they've been entertained every minute of their lives up to that point.
You don't have to entertain your child every second and your child does not have to be entertained every second either! You only feel okay if you're away for a few minutes to pee? Your baby can find a way to amuse themself and it's much healthier for them to learn how to do that anyway. Kids have trouble later in school because they've been entertained every minute of their lives up to that point.
I happen to also agree with this. Children, even very young ones, do need the ability to amuse themselves, and to self sooth and self engage in activities that do not include mom as ringleader.
However, we need to give them those tools, and a love for doing these things, quietly, and alone. Weather it be music, art, building with blocks or Legos - we need that time. And, so do they.
Sadly, I have met children for whom every day was child-centric. At ten, it is not a pretty site.
We used to have quiet reading time. Even before my children could actually reed. I gave them books. played classical music, and I read while they leafed through beloved books.
Nap time was also a "non negotiable". One of my children loved nap time. The other, not so much but still had to spend at least an hour in their crib while I recuperated, and enjoyed some dedicated alone time.
I happen to also agree with this. Children, even very young ones, do need the ability to amuse themselves, and to self sooth and self engage in activities that do not include mom as ringleader.
However, we need to give them those tools, and a love for doing these things, quietly, and alone. Weather it be music, art, building with blocks or Legos - we need that time. And, so do they.
Sadly, I have met children for whom every day was child-centric. At ten, it is not a pretty site.
We used to have quiet reading time. Even before my children could actually reed. I gave them books. played classical music, and I read while they leafed through beloved books.
Nap time was also a "non negotiable". One of my children loved nap time. The other, not so much but still had to spend at least an hour in their crib while I recuperated, and enjoyed some dedicated alone time.
I used to teach kindergarten. Even at that age it was extremely distressing to see children who totally fell apart if they did not have an adult give them total and complete attention for every minute of the school day.
It was especially sad when there was free choice time and there would be Legos/blocks, house keeping area, art projects, a sand table and toys galore and the child would just sit there looking confused because they were so used to always having an adult interact with them and guide their play time instead of allowing them to learn how to play independently or cooperatively with other children.
Luckily, this did not happen very often, but when it did it was difficult for the child as well as the teacher and it definitely hindered the child's development and learning of new skills.
You don't have to entertain your child every second and your child does not have to be entertained every second either! You only feel okay if you're away for a few minutes to pee? Your baby can find a way to amuse themself and it's much healthier for them to learn how to do that anyway. Kids have trouble later in school because they've been entertained every minute of their lives up to that point.
Absolutely agree. Children don't know what to do with themselves when parents spend every single minute of their lives trying to "stimulate" them. It's not rocket science, especially with infants. Talk to them, interact, but go about your business as usual. The child centric stuff can end up hurting them in the end, just my opinion.
Absolutely agree. Children don't know what to do with themselves when parents spend every single minute of their lives trying to "stimulate" them. It's not rocket science, especially with infants. Talk to them, interact, but go about your business as usual. The child centric stuff can end up hurting them in the end, just my opinion.
I let my kids entertain themselves quite a bit but with my younger now it's often due to necessity, while I get other things done, and it's hard not to feel guilty about it, like i'm losing precious time i could be interacting with him. Even though I know it's good for him to learn to be independent. I'm also not a naturally talkative person so it's always hard to keep reminding myself to try and talk more, with all these studies showing how kids iq depends on how many words a day they hear or something like that.
It's hard to find that middle ground because everyone says how their mind is such a sponge at that age and they'll just lap up whatever you teach them and blah blah. My mom says she still blames herself for me being a really shy and passive kid (and adult really) because i was a really calm quiet baby so they'd just let me play on my own and I was happy to. Then my mom took an early childhood course when I was already grown and became convinced that they did me a disservice by missing out on that window to make me more social and active, that they should've been taking me out to playgroups and activities and stimulating me to move around more as a baby (I was horribly unathletic and uncoordinated all my life). She believes parents have the power to greatly influence their kids' future personality and ability starting at that very early age, that that's when it 'sets'. Personally I think it's genetic makeup more than anything, but who knows.
My kid was a calm and independent baby EvilCookie, was just happy in her own company almost from the get go and I let her be but she's definitely not shy or passive now - she talks to anyone and everyone when she wants to. Your mum shouldn't blame herself, you have the personality you have and I doubt she could have shaped it all that much no matter what she did.
I let my kids entertain themselves quite a bit but with my younger now it's often due to necessity, while I get other things done, and it's hard not to feel guilty about it, like i'm losing precious time i could be interacting with him. Even though I know it's good for him to learn to be independent. I'm also not a naturally talkative person so it's always hard to keep reminding myself to try and talk more, with all these studies showing how kids iq depends on how many words a day they hear or something like that.
It's hard to find that middle ground because everyone says how their mind is such a sponge at that age and they'll just lap up whatever you teach them and blah blah. My mom says she still blames herself for me being a really shy and passive kid (and adult really) because i was a really calm quiet baby so they'd just let me play on my own and I was happy to. Then my mom took an early childhood course when I was already grown and became convinced that they did me a disservice by missing out on that window to make me more social and active, that they should've been taking me out to playgroups and activities and stimulating me to move around more as a baby (I was horribly unathletic and uncoordinated all my life). She believes parents have the power to greatly influence their kids' future personality and ability starting at that very early age, that that's when it 'sets'. Personally I think it's genetic makeup more than anything, but who knows.
I disagree with your mom. I have a degree in Human Development...from a long time ago! I'm finding it difficult to explain myself on this subject, but I'll try. I believe it's important to interact with babies, but it doesn't have to be in these mommy and me classes, and I think pushing little ones into all of these classes is a waste of time and money. And if you are quiet and passive person, then you are a quiet and passive person!
I let my kids entertain themselves quite a bit but with my younger now it's often due to necessity, while I get other things done, and it's hard not to feel guilty about it, like i'm losing precious time i could be interacting with him. Even though I know it's good for him to learn to be independent. I'm also not a naturally talkative person so it's always hard to keep reminding myself to try and talk more, with all these studies showing how kids iq depends on how many words a day they hear or something like that.
It's hard to find that middle ground because everyone says how their mind is such a sponge at that age and they'll just lap up whatever you teach them and blah blah. My mom says she still blames herself for me being a really shy and passive kid (and adult really) because i was a really calm quiet baby so they'd just let me play on my own and I was happy to. Then my mom took an early childhood course when I was already grown and became convinced that they did me a disservice by missing out on that window to make me more social and active, that they should've been taking me out to playgroups and activities and stimulating me to move around more as a baby (I was horribly unathletic and uncoordinated all my life). She believes parents have the power to greatly influence their kids' future personality and ability starting at that very early age, that that's when it 'sets'. Personally I think it's genetic makeup more than anything, but who knows.
I think you're doing just fine. My daughter was shy and preferred her own company to that of other children when she was young and could entertain herself for really long periods of time. Now she's very sociable and interactive. She just grew into it. Your son is going to be just fine.
Babies don't need stimulation beyond looking at them, smiling, playing peek-a-boo... We did use Baby Einstein but only so I could maintain my sanity and get dinner made. I never expected it to teach him anything.
This.
Interacting, talking and playing with them are really all the stimulation they need. I don't think throwing on Clangers is stimulating in the way honest interaction is. Now, turning on Clangers or Sprout is how I get **** done, how I'm able to write part of my thesis, do housework, or cook dinner.
Scientific studies have observed mothers with their infants and toddlers and counted the average words spoken to the child every day. Then they wait and see how the child grows and observe their educational outcomes. Children who heard the most words spoken every day, especially if they were read to, had the best educational outcomes. Baby Einstein and the like doesn't do anything except for hold the child's attention long enough for mommy to go pee and make a bottle.
If you want the best for your baby, talk to her a lot, and read to her a lot. And play. With things that don't flash or make noise, things that require manipulation and creativity. Melissa and Doug toys are great for this.
Good luck!
Checking out Melissa and Doug toys now...Thanks!
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