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Young girls are for some reason easily infatuated with BS, easily misled by obviously negative people. It's only a matter of time before your daughter--god forbid--winds up impregnated by one of the opportunists I'm sure the friend is attracted to.
I wish you all the best--I hate seeing good kids led down a path of ignorance by some 'cool' loser. Try to give your child a raw, uncut idea of where this friend of hers is going to be ten years from now.
A few pages back, some body said that the older woman may be "grooming her " for sexual reasons.
Now that it comes out that the 21 year old is working as an exotic dancer, the reality is more likely to be......The kid is being groomed for future prostitution activity. Its a variation on the pimp thing, except the one who "turns her out " could be the 21 year old woman. Its not unusual for a woman to run some girls on a full time or part time basis.
In any case. MON needs to go and talk to the Police in her town. Lay it all out, don't hide anything.
If I was a Police investigator ( I was at one time but I am now retired ) I would be hearing these things, smoking dope, underage use of alcohol, sexual work location of the 21 year old ( morality ) , defiance by the 15 year old, and threats . ALL of those are actionable criminal charges.
Mom needs to cut this off at the heels, now.
Jim B.
Repeated and bolded for emphasis. I would lay down money that this is what's going on.
I think some of the other recent posters have a point. Short-term, you may need to consult with a lawyer to see what kind of legal trouble your daughter could get in. I'm not a lawyer, but I would think your daughter is more of the victim due to her minor status, and the 21 year old gets the brunt of the charges (of the "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" persuasion).
I still think your daughter needs to see the ugly side of what she's getting into. That way, it'll be easier for her in case you DO need to get the police involved. After all, if this is grooming, your daughter may not be the first (or last).
I hung out with a rough crowd when I was a teenager. My parents didn't really care, but I self-regulated when I saw that serious trouble the people in that crowd got themselves into. Premature pregnancies, trouble with the law, being in bad situations with dangerous people...I saw that the fleeting thrill just wasn't worth any of that, and I distanced myself naturally.
Maybe make a rule that they can hang out together, but only at your house when you or her dad is there.
At 15, I thought it was fun exploring the dark side, and that nothing bad would happen to me.
If a 21 year old stripper had paid attention to me (I'm a guy), I would have latched on like a remora shark. I would have been easy prey for anyone with bad intentions.
I have nothing against stripping, and some strippers are decent people, but this woman sounds like trouble. She can't even be recruiting strippers for her club because you have to be 18 to strip. There is something else going on, and it isn't good. Get your daughter away from her.
My daughter told me she works as a stripper which I don't like to judge but I know what kind of seedy people they hang around.
Aaargh! This gets worse and worse! My thought is that you need to find a good private boarding school for your daughter ASAP! Unfortunately, the more that you disparage/protest this person, the more attractive she is likely to be to your daughter, who is at a rebellious age.
You need to discover what is missing in your daughter's life that she seeks the attention of this corrupting person. Perhaps you can provide a distraction for daughter -what are her interests?
This is a tough one! Everyone has different suggestions, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here.
If it was my daughter in this situation though, here's how I'd look at it: Moving should be a last resort -- I wouldn't want to show A) you can run from your problems, and B) the bond might be strong enough now that the 21 year old will just drive to visit. Don't forbid your daughter from seeing her friend -- forbidding the daughter to hang out with the 21 year old is a great way to keep the taboo and mystery alive, that'll only push your daughter TO the bad influence faster. It'll also breed her resentment to you, because she clearly doesn't see why this behavior is wrong yet. Don't get the police involved. It would be too easy for your daughter to get roped in. Depending on the state, she could get a criminal record too. It'd be harder to apply for jobs, colleges, etc.
Instead... Try volunteer work (even together if possible) -- your daughter just sees the fun and mystery of today, not the consequences of tomorrow. If she can interact with people who are trying to put their lives back together after going down that path, it might inspire her more. Plus it looks good on college applications, because it builds character. Maybe she could invite her friend too? Continue to be a positive role model -- it's not your fault as a parent that she's exploring the dark side, but it is your responsibility to continue showing her the light. Your success wasn't forged through drug use and underage drinking.
I'm mulling over other options, since there are bound to be others... hope this helps!
Too risky. This is her young teen daughter, not an experiment.
Thanks everyone! Do you think I should actually confront the girl and let her know if I see her with my daughter again I'll call the police? I admit it never dawned on me that she could be trying to prostitute my daughter, I have to admit even as weird as it is I wouldn't think my daughter hanging around an older girl could be as bad as some boy.
And you are right about the clothes could be stolen, never thought about that. My daughter told me she works as a stripper which I don't like to judge but I know what kind of seedy people they hang around.
Mom...qet on this...you are way to passive...your daughter is totally at risk. Go to the police...have them come to your house and talk to your daughter, call them every time your daughter is unruly with this neighbor...paper trail for charges pending.
I hope this neighbor sees the police...I think it might be a big deterrent.
Make sure your daughter knows you love her, and want to protect her...just in case this 21 year old already has something to blackmail her with. Make sure she knows you'll believe her.
I am seriously worried for your situation...3 mths of this...anything could have happened already. Mom get Dad, Uncles whole family involved...you need the support.
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