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None of the girls have yet reached the age where they need their own room. In a few years, the oldest can move into her own room. In the meantime, use the 3rd bedroom for a play room. Replace the (smaller) triple bunk with regular twin-size double bunks for the younger girls when the oldest moves out, which doesn't even need to be THOUGHT about until she's around 12.
Normalize all their bed times, there is no reason for them to have different bed times at those ages. And BOTH of you spend "quality time" with ALL THREE of the girls, not just the ones you spawned without the help of the other. You are BOTH parents to all 3 girls. All 3 are "your own" children now. Start treating them that way!
I would keep it the way it is, at least until summer vacation. Moving to a new house is enough change. Also, if the youngest is already accustomed to going to sleep alone in your room before you and gf go to bed, she may settle in to sleeping in her own room pretty well.
The bigger question here is: are you planning to marry this woman and become family, or is this just a fling sort of thing?
If you two are serious about your relationship and value family, you will have a family meeting and the 5 of you will make a decision. If this girlfriend could be gone in a year, then just leave things the way they are-seperate.
Is one of the rooms big enough for three twin beds? Perhaps they could all sleep in there together until the oldest is ready for the move.
And it would be nice if your gf could have some intimate time with your girls as well.
No, definitely not. As it is, my two girls will be downsizing to a much smaller room and it will be more cramped. Right now they have the master bedroom suite with dual closets and its own bathroom, as that was the plan back when i found the place and moved in like 3 years ago, since at the time it was just me with them i took the small bedroom
The new place has 1 extra bedroom, but all the bedrooms are smaller in size. 3 in one would be super cramped, not to mention i dont see how that would resolved the issues with bedtimes, wake up times, sleep schedules etc
Is this a shacking up arrangement or moving forward as a family? Ask the girls what they want and take it from there. If it is moving forward as one family then treat it as so.
We are already living as a family. Definitely not a shacking up situation. On top of living together for 1.5 years and looking for a new place together, the relationship is 100% serious and longterm, maybe not marriage but thats for the future to decide.
We are definitely planning on asking the girls what they want, and taking their input. Is that what you mean by moving forward as one family and treating it as such? Like i said, i dont know were necessarily just going to take what they say and be like "ok sounds good". i mean, as much as id like to think they know whats best they are 4, 6 and 8 respectively. Thats partially why i came on here to hopefully find other adults that have navigated this kind of situation
None of the girls have yet reached the age where they need their own room. In a few years, the oldest can move into her own room. In the meantime, use the 3rd bedroom for a play room. Replace the (smaller) triple bunk with regular twin-size double bunks for the younger girls when the oldest moves out, which doesn't even need to be THOUGHT about until she's around 12.
Normalize all their bed times, there is no reason for them to have different bed times at those ages. And BOTH of you spend "quality time" with ALL THREE of the girls, not just the ones you spawned without the help of the other. You are BOTH parents to all 3 girls. All 3 are "your own" children now. Start treating them that way!
How do we normalize bed times? When her daughter wakes up at 5am, she is up. there is no going back to bed, her mom has tried exhaustively, it just doesnt happen. Therefore around 630-7pm she starts getting tired, cranky, and clearly ready for bed. Her mom is the one that decides her bedtime and 7-730 is usually the default there... Now if i tried putting my girls down at that same time, id be going in the room 4-5 times over the next hour telling them to quiet down, get back in bed, etc. They simply arent wound down at that time. its usually 830-9pm before they are ready.
As for the second comment, we do both spend quality time with ALL the kids. Thats what every day and night is for leading up until bedtime. Outside of the activities we do separate (I take my girls to gymnastics and dance classes alone) we are pretty inseparable. Unless your implying its not ok to have that bit of 1 on 1 with our kids before bed? just confused by that statement, sorry!
The bigger question here is: are you planning to marry this woman and become family, or is this just a fling sort of thing?
If you two are serious about your relationship and value family, you will have a family meeting and the 5 of you will make a decision. If this girlfriend could be gone in a year, then just leave things the way they are-seperate.
Definitely not a fling. Are we going to get married? i dont know. Ive been married before, shes been married before. I love her more than anyone else ive ever been with. I love her daughter. She loves me and my kids. Due to both being married and divorced, getting legally married isnt really something we are too concerned with doing anytime soon, or possible ever. Doesnt change how serious we feel about our situation or eachother. Some day we might have a quiet ceremony without family/friends or just elope, that kind of thing.
...maybe not marriage but thats for the future to decide.
What does this ^^^ mean?
I would not ask the girls. You job is to be practical and look long-term at the solution.
The biggest problem is that your GF still treats bedtime with her daughter as if she were a toddler, and
The transition will probably only get harder rather than easier if she is alone in a bedroom.
Since it was your place first, it feels like your GF and her daughter are add-ons, which they technically are. Moving into the new place is a chance to actually blend the family, if that is really your goal. The quickest way to do that would be to have the youngest two share a room.
The older daughter will need a place to do homework etc as she gets older. The youngest will (probably) need company in her new room. You will need to adjust to new sleep schedules and help them set independent routines.
But it may all change a couple times when you move in. You may wake up one day to find your younger daughter in her sister's bed. It will work itself out.
I would not ask the girls. You job is to be practical and look long-term at the solution.
The biggest problem is that your GF still treats bedtime with her daughter as if she were a toddler, and
The transition will probably only get harder rather than easier if she is alone in a bedroom.
Since it was your place first, it feels like your GF and her daughter are add-ons, which they technically are. Moving into the new place is a chance to actually blend the family, if that is really your goal. The quickest way to do that would be to have the youngest two share a room.
The older daughter will need a place to do homework etc as she gets older. The youngest will (probably) need company in her new room. You will need to adjust to new sleep schedules and help them set independent routines.
But it may all change a couple times when you move in. You may wake up one day to find your younger daughter in her sister's bed. It will work itself out.
It means even though we both see spending the rest of our lives with eachother, legal marriage isnt necessarily the end result of that? Like its not out of the question, but if we ended up being together for the rest of our lives and were never legally married i dont think either of us see an issue with that
Ok so that could be one possible option. How do i handle the possibility of my oldest daughter NOT wanting to split up? What if she tells me she doesnt want her own room and would miss her sister? Are we talking about in a situation where all the kids WANT the change to occur or are we talking about making the change occur whether they like it or not?
The other issues can be worked out, but yes it would be a really tough adjustment. Our schedules are really pretty crazy, so saying goodbye to my couple days a month of sleeping in a bit or having some quiet time in front of the TV before they wake would be rough, albeit obviously doable. I just have no faith the youngest daughter would wake up that early and come out of the room leaving the other to sleep.
I just have no faith the youngest daughter would wake up that early and come out of the room leaving the other to sleep.
You train her to do this ^^^ by providing her a safe and attractive activities for when she comes out of her room. Preferably one of you will be awake and supervising nearby. That's what we had to do.
I would present it to them as a plan you're going to try. It will help if they have an idea of what their new rooms look like so they can look forward to the new option rather than just clinging to what they know.
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