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I am not sure you should have started questioning about his sexual preference. A 13 year may feel unsure about it and the fact he may be different from the hetero-normative world around him may make it all the worse. I know what's done is done but perhaps in the future you may want to ease into this conversation or wait until he comes out to you first.
As for porn just say "we found some sites we don't approve of after we went through your browser history when your friends were over, don't let it happen again or (enter some punishment threat)"....
He should not be allowed to privately cruise the net via phone or computer at his age! Tolerance is not neglecting parental guidance.
There are two causes you should check out: Was he possibly molested: i.e. babysitter, family friend, relative, cleric, teacher, even male friend at i.e. sleep overs, boy scout camp? Molestation could have been done by male or female but results in sexual identity problems.
The other one is over exposure to internet porn. When you have gone through all the possible perversions amongst hetero sexual couples, men ( and boys) move on the bestiality, transsexuals and finally gay porn. Overexposure is the biggest killer of a porn genre or porn star. So the web masters have to follow the ever more demanding searches of pubescent boys and viagra popping males. Gay and transsexual porn is pushed on straight porn searchers in finessed ways, because it is cheap to produce, and ever more perversions open up in that world once you cross this barrier. Most likely this is what happened to your son. He is whacking to all kinds of stuff on his cell since years and now worries that his exposure to dabbling in gay porn would brand him being gay. You might as well found porn videos involving horses and pigs and not felt much better either.
Is he accepted in school? Does he have a good group of male friends? Does he have things going for him that girls find attractive? Can he articulate himself and be funny? 13 is a horrible, terrible age for boys while girls and jocks already flying high. A pudgy, boring, glasses wearing boy with acne can easily mistake the need for attention by male peers as sexual attraction--especially under the influence of 'politically correct' teachers. The need to counter steer this as a parent is important, especially when you want to see grandkids at one point.
Much of our human sexuality is shaped and taught. Parents are essential to protect the young child from sexual abuse, and the teenager needs them as guidance counselors. In your case daddy has to step up to the plate to give the boy some manly pride in himself. A man especially has to learn to control his instincts to stay safe, healthy, not let his balls control his destiny. You as mommy has to step back from him physically now that he is a teen--he has to learn to yearn for femininity, touch, tenderness, allure, mystique. Male friends stand for fun, camraderie, adventures and physical activity. That doesn't mean he can't go camping with a girl and have fun, but you get my drift.
The time to spend in these 'odd' teenage years is planning a job career and gaining knowledge and skills. Not waste it on gaming but getting a head start in personality, education, bonding, shaping opinions, views with like minded peers. The awkward time will pass quick and productive and all will be well.
The 1950s called. Your time machine is leaving. Buh-bye!
Face it... Your kid is gay. Try to accept it for his sake.
Why not try to change his obvious uncertainty. He has no idea what gay is, especially the physical part. Being Gay at that age is a fad to be cool, accepted. He just knows he loves boys, like he loves cars, music etc etc.
Once he gets some women in the sack, it will reassure him he is not gay and just scared..
don't bring it up again. When i was 13 we had magazines hidden in a field ....like a porn lending library. It's quite normal at that age. Like the other post said, i would, however, definitely make sure he isn't using sites like tinder or grindr to meet people. He's not of legal age for those things.
I agree with most of the posters. Let some time go by. I wouldn't tell the dad though. If the dad starts harassment or throws the kid out it may well end your marriage. Let your son know you love him no matter what. Keep the communications open. If he talks to you, you are very lucky, the parents are usually the last to know.
Face it... Your kid is gay. Try to accept it for his sake.
Try reading the first post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve40th
Why not try to change his obvious uncertainty. He has no idea what gay is, especially the physical part. Being Gay at that age is a fad to be cool, accepted. He just knows he loves boys, like he loves cars, music etc etc.
Once he gets some women in the sack, it will reassure him he is not gay and just scared..
Why not try to change his obvious uncertainty. He has no idea what gay is, especially the physical part. Being Gay at that age is a fad to be cool, accepted. He just knows he loves boys, like he loves cars, music etc etc.
Once he gets some women in the sack, it will reassure him he is not gay and just scared..
You can put any spin on this you like, but here's the simple facts:
Why not try to change his obvious uncertainty. He has no idea what gay is, especially the physical part. Being Gay at that age is a fad to be cool, accepted. He just knows he loves boys, like he loves cars, music etc etc.
Once he gets some women in the sack, it will reassure him he is not gay and just scared..
You are saying being gay is a fad? Earth to Steve40th!!!! You are SO, SO, wrong!!!
It may or may not answer his question if he is or isn't gay, but getting a woman into the sack isn't going to make him UN-gay if he is.
OP, just calm down, keep track of what your son is doing on his phone. Be VERY watchful that he doesn't hook up with some gay site where he might meet up with a real creep!
Oh, and you did the right thing both monitoring his phone and telling him you love him no matter what.
My nephew was gay. My brother (his father) was very homophobic until his son came out. He didn't understand it, but learned to totally accept and love his son. I hope your husband can do the same for your son if he is gay.
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Really?
