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I'm so glad you told your son that you love him & will accept him. Now give him some space because he knows he can confide in you if need be in the future. All boys look at porn, most teens go through a questioning period also, most boys first sexual experiences are "gay" - that is to say with other boys their age as they try to figure out what is going on with their bodies (& most utterly forget this fact as they grow up & put it behind them & move on to females for most).
But he could be gay, or bi, as well, the important thing is he now knows that he can talk about it with you if necessary... give him some space as he changes from childhood.
I agree, Mom, too soon to panic. Sexually, he is going to be, what he's going to be, and it is natural to be curious at that age.
I would be more concerned that he is opening up his phone to a lot of sinister websites when he uses it to go to any type of sites of a sexual nature, so my focus would be to council him about that.
He may or may not be Gay. He is 13, not 23. So, in all likelihood, he is not Gay.
It is not unusual for young teenged boys to look at porn. Straight, Gay - anything. In my day it was through magazines. Now it's on line.
Take a deep breath. Calm down. I am so glad to hear that you will love him no matter what his sexual orientation may be.
Telling his dad? I would say "no". I would tell your son that you will give him privacy in the future, and stick to that.
Yeah, right. Tell that to me, my wife, all our friends, and the gay community at large In any event, don't panic, OP. He'll be who he is, so you should love him no matter what. I don't think you should hide this information from his dad. He is just as much your son's parent as you are. I didn't read the whole thread, as I'm late to the party, so apologies in advance if my comment is not up to speed with everyone else's.
I think it's way too early to talk about counseling. There's nothing wrong or abnormal about being gay and he hasn't expressed any issues other than confusion which is normal. I'd totally freak if my mom had found my porn - that would be the worst of it. Now mom needs to butt out since she's made it clear things are okay whatever and that she wants to talk. Just fine for now.
I know dad may not be cool with it but it'd help if he could talk to his son about porn and what it IS and what it is NOT in terms of being real. 30 years ago everyone was trying to get a playboy magazine - online porn is a much different thing.
Absolutely nothing wrong with it!! I agree there is nothing wrong with it. I was only coming from the angle that he might want to talk with someone other than his own mother about his possible confusion(?) regarding the sexual identity thing. Only suggested as an option, for the 13 year old son.
Life is confusing enough as it is, and then we get so much mis-information from peers etc on sexuality.
I am a loving and concerned mom, I recently got my 13 yr old a newer updated phone. I maybe go through his phone once a week, just to make sure he is not doing anything he is not supposed too! & my son is ok with me doing this. One day last week, I happened to go through his internet history, I never done this before until now!!! & I see three sites that he went too. Gay porn (man on man) and amine gay porn (man on man) and cartoon gay porn (man on man) I freaked out, I did not know what to say or think, I did not want to mention this to his dad, because he would have not liked seeing this what so ever. So, I waited all day until I picked him up from school to ask him about the sites that I saw on his phone. He started to cry & I told him, I love you & I want yo to be happy, love has no color or no gender, I asked him if he liked girls or boys and he said that he did not know! He was like I am curious! I asked do you like both?? He said he did not know. I told him in confidence that I will love him no matter what & I will always be his mom, I have not told his dad, because I am not sure how his dad will react! I need some advice please! Is my son gay or bi or just curious?? Should I tell his dad or wait to even say anything to his dad until my son is honest with him self and me
I think that the most important thing you did, was to tell him you love him and want him to be happy!
I don't have any kids - (I'm well past that age) - I'm a straight, happily married 56 year old man - and I don't know how I'd handle what you experienced, but can only hope I'd do so with the love you have for your son.
The longer you 'keep this secret' from your husband, the more upset he will be once he hears of it. "You've known this for HOW LONG? and didn't tell me?" is just one example of how he'll 'deal' with it. I'm betting if you're the kind of person I think you are, although it may come as a shock to your husband, he'll eventually be able to take it in, accept it, and understand, all the while, still loving your son.
If the shoe was on the other foot, and dad found this, and didn't tell you, how would you feel? You'd feel as if you were left out in the cold and you didn't have the chance to deal with this as a team. I think it's important you tell your husband. I don't suggest that all 3 of you sit down and talk about it - but he's got to know - and it's better he learns it from you - and soon.
Where did you divine such grand knowledge oh scholarly one?
I'm sorry, but I don't subscribe to this pseudo-intellectual semi-retarded discourse on so-called "modern sexuality". If you are watching gay porn and trying to pass yourself off as straight, it's called being in the closet.
You can live in denial as long as you want. It really makes no difference to me.
As for the OP, taking your foolish advice and desperately trying to adhere to the notion that her son might just be a confused heterosexual is just as damaging to both him and her as the antiquated idea of believing that gay people can somehow be "cured" or that being gay is a choice.
He is most likely gay. Or bi. I don't know any heterosexual men who watch gay porn, now maybe some hetero men do, but I would venture to say they are an exception rather than the rule. And to the poster who said his friend watched gay porn at 13 and is now a big womanizer at 23- perhaps he is bi or trying to deny his sexuality.
Having said that you handled it correctly IMO. You weren't judgmental and you let him know he could come to you. It is natural for a boy at that age to look at porn or sexual pictures, in my day it was Playboy or Penthouse, we would take turns sneaking though our fathers closets- and all my friends fathers had those mags "hidden" away.
I think at some point soon you have to tell your husband regardless. I know if I were him and it was my son, I would want to know. I have two young sons and if they turned out to be gay, I would be disappointed I'll admit- only because they would be less likely to have children at least biological children. But I would still love them like I did before I knew, and if your husband is a real man, he will as well.
Er...I found tons of gay porn on my friend's browsing history when he was 13. Now, at 23, the dude is a massive womanizer. He's a promiscuous beast who bones different women every week.
At that age, boys experiment with different types of porn. Doesn't mean that they are gay. And even if he turns out to be gay, who cares. It's 2016. Not only that, it's natural. You have to help him and guide him. Don't freak out, or else he'll be more fazed and upset. At the end of the day, he's your son.
P.S. I am gay and I've actually watched more straight porn than gay porn in my teen years.
Depends on the parent.
I would be upset if I found out that my child was gay.
Good luck trying to block teenage boys from getting their hands on porn. You may as well try to hold the tide back with a broom.
It must be tried.
That's too young to be exposed to porn. It sets up a way of looking at other people, seeing girls as objects instead of people.
If he gets his hands on it, so be it. But a parent shouldn't not try, because he could find a way to get it. He could also find a way to shoplift, skip school, or do other things. But that's no reason not to try steering him toward the right path in life.
All rapists started with porn, although most who view porn aren't rapists.
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In any event, don't panic, OP. He'll be who he is, so you should love him no matter what. I don't think you should hide this information from his dad. He is just as much your son's parent as you are. I didn't read the whole thread, as I'm late to the party, so apologies in advance if my comment is not up to speed with everyone else's.
