Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Family doesn't have to be blood. I have an incredibly blended family. I have an "ex" sil except I still she her and she's included in my family even though my brother is no longer around. And then my brother had 2 kids from his first wife. My sil to this day maintains a strong mother relationship with both. She was in my nieces wedding and honestly she is one of the kindest people I've ever met. Her love and commitment to her step-kids is amazing.
Our situation is unique in other ways too. Three of our 4 kids are adopted. My husband had three biological kids with his first marriage. So are our adopted kids half siblings with their father's other kids? Technically I guess they are. Certainly not step siblings..or are they??? Who cares really but getting the terms right seems very important to many people.
This is similar to my family. My mother and father had me (biologically), then got divorced. My mother and step-father then had 3 more kids, all adopted. I refer to them just as my siblings, but one time we had a heated discussion about the technical terms for it. I said that technically they would be called half-siblings, because we share a mother. Step-siblings would be if my step-father had children from another relationship. My parents completely disagreed and said they are just siblings, not half, not step. I was like, I'm just explaining what the terms mean, not in any way implying that I don't think of them as just siblings. But it was like they were offended that this terminology even existed. They were somehow conflating it with the adoption, like I was saying they were half-siblings because they were adopted. I was like, no they are half-siblings because we have the same mother and different fathers - irrespective of the adoption. Anyway, it caused a big ruckus in the family that day...
In general, I think it's no big deal to use ex - relative, especially when people are talking about lineage. My sister divorced so her husband is my ex-brother-in-law. I don't think it's hurtful to refer to him in this way. However, in specific families like your friend's family, I think she should refer to the ex-stepdaughter as whatever her husband feels comfortable with. If he still refers to her as stepdaughter, then so should she. If he doesn't care then so be it.
My friend recently referred to her husband's "ex step-daughter"--the young woman is the daughter of my friend's husband's first wife but this man has been an important part of her life since she was very very young. Just because the mother and her step father got divorced does that make him her ex step father and her his ex step daughter?
I think she (my friend) is trying to provide as much distance between them as she can and she is jealous. She isn't mean to her but i can tell by her tone she resents the continued relationship.
I know the young lady still thinks of the man as her step father and that is good in my eyes.
I would never say anything to anybody in this situation but i was wondering what others think. Does a divorce mean the step parent and child are no longer ...well... step anything?
My step daughter and I just short cut it and introduce each other as "Daughter" and "Father".
One time she introduced me to someone who knew her actual father. He blurted out, "I thought (Tom Jones) was your father"?
So I said, "Is that sumbitch still going around spreading that rumor!?"
It's important to a lot of people, because family is important. If non-family can be labeled family, then being family isn't particularly special. Including non-family under the definition of "family" doesn't promote those people, it just demotes the real family. That doesn't mean that there can't be significant non-family relationships, of course there can be. But that doesn't make them family. For that matter, including friends under the definition of family also demotes your relationships with your friends, because there is a certain amount of "stuck with" that goes along with being family, but friendships are relationships of choice, and that choice element should be honored, too.
I'm picking up on some gay-marriage-invalidates-heterosexual-marriage vibes here...
Either way, no, I don't see how making a family more inclusive makes it less special or less "real." How in the heck do you define "real family" anyway?
Furthermore, how does another person's definition of their family affect you and your family at all?
In my example, there is no step-daughter. There are two biological daughters, with the same father and different mothers. The only ex is an ex-wife.
I am a little confused by this. How is the older daughter (offspring of husband and first wife) not the step-daughter of the second wife (presumably the mother of the younger daughter) ???
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
