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I just found a sticky note with 2 of my credit cards numbers and info on it hidden in my son's things. He's at school, so haven't talked to him yet, but I'm livid. I'm trying to think of how to deal with this. One, I know my purse will always be locked in my room upstairs at all times, two we took his laptop and Xbox away. I need to talk and explain to him the consequences of his actions, but he is ADHD, and bipolar and has a bad temper and anger issues, so I have to be careful on wording to not set off. Any suggestions on how you would handle a first offense is greatly appreciated!
Think natural consequences. If in the real world he stole someone's credit card, what would happen? Well first of course he would have to pay back any money he stole, plus interest. Then there would probably be jail time involved, which you can simulate at home with a good long grounding. Just like in jail, he can earn money doing manual labor while grounded in order to pay off his debt. Then after the jail time, it would be harder to be able to do things like get a job and find a place to live, because of your record, which you can simulate at home by setting high standards to earn back privileges such as his laptop and Xbox.
I have never had to deal with a bipolar child, which I'm sure must be difficult and take a great amount of finesse. For my NT children, I would (try my best to) do my freaking out in private, and then approach my child when I am calm. I would explain to them the consequences kind of like I did above - in the real world this is what happens, so this is how we are going to simulate it. Emphasize that everything you are doing is because they are as close as you can get to real consequences for adults. That every kid makes mistakes sometimes and that's okay, but the important thing is to learn from your mistakes, and you learn from your mistakes by taking the real consequences. A grown up boy faces his consequences like a man, pays his debts, does his time, earns back his stuff, and uses the experience to learn about real life, and to help him remember in the future that there are consequences for his actions.
And then follow through.
Oh, and you might want to explain to him what a credit score is, what having your credit card stolen can do to your credit score, and then how exactly can having bad credit affect him, right now. Talk about things like having the house taken from you, having to move into a tiny apartment, having to switch schools, no longer being able to afford things like his favorite foods or toys, having to quit any sports or extracurricular because you can no longer afford them, etc. Make sure he knows that he would be "shooting his own foot" as it were.
No more games take away that right away. Don't be mad at him. Just talk to him with strong tone. Disconnect game contracts. If you can set up an internet password just for your self do that too. If he addict to games wont be easy with his issues also together his bad temper. I think you better do together with some one. If you are all alone. Try to control your self. Be calm and make him understand. If I were you right away call the credit card company and deactivate temporally.
Seems "spare the rod and spoil the child" is applicable here. Then again, you can do nothing because of the fear of his "bad temper and anger issues" and/or psychological labels.
OP: Doesn't sound as though your son is worried as to whether or not you might have a "bad temper and anger issue"; yet, you're walking on eggshells hoping he won't get upset.
Seems "spare the rod and spoil the child" is applicable here. Then again, you can do nothing because of the fear of his "bad temper and anger issues" and/or psychological labels.
You might want to contact your credit card company and request a new number/card. Tell them your card has been stolen. You really do not know whom your son has shared this information with already (even if he will deny it), if anyone (either your son or his friends) has taken a picture of it with a phone, or what gaming accounts he's entered the information into. You've also checked your account online, I trust?
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