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No, you shouldn't feel bad about deciding to go ahead with the pregnancy, any more than you should feel bad if you had decided to go ahead with an abortion. This was your decision, and you should try not to let others make you feel like you did the wrong thing.
Through your irresponsibility and ignorance, you've condemned 2 children to life without a father. And probably without a mother as you will undoubtedly dump them in loveless institutional care of some type since you will need to work full time. That is a tragedy and a catastrophe. The only solution to correct it would be to give up the children for adoption where they could be assigned to a correct and proper environment for their upbringing. But of course you won't do that, because it's all about you, and always was. You should be ashamed of yourself, but in today's corrupt society, you're not, and won't be. Except in a tiny hidden corner of your soul that can't hide from reality, no matter what a corrupt society condones and applauds.
I am single with six year old twins. They went to day care just before age 2. They are 6 now and happy healthy kids, albeit sans father. They don't care about the lack of a dad. They like our family the way it is (this surprises me as I expected a father's absence to be keenly felt but it has not been).
You don't say how old you are, but perhaps these will be the only children you will ever have. As long as you and their father can support them, and you will love them (maybe he will too), then if I were you I would just be happy.
Do try to line up a support system for yourself...sooner, rather than later.
if you can afford it, then it's your business and no one else's. If you are planning to go on welfare, medicaid, food stamps, etc.. then it's everyone's business. Aside from shame on you, not much we can do about it though...
I am single with six year old twins. They went to day care just before age 2. They are 6 now and happy healthy kids, albeit sans father. They don't care about the lack of a dad. They like our family the way it is (this surprises me as I expected a father's absence to be keenly felt but it has not been).
This is one of the most and evil and clueless posts I have ever read on City-Data. It illustrates the degree to which a human can engage in the art and science of self-delusion. As to the "happiness" and "well-adjustedness" you claim to observe? It's a lie that you won't let yourself expose, however it's magnitude over time will overwhelm your ability to hide. So, regrettably and ruefully, I have one word for you: Wait. And a few words for anyone else contemplating a similar path: Don't do it!
This is one of the most and evil and clueless posts I have ever read on City-Data. It illustrates the degree to which a human can engage in the art and science of self-delusion. As to the "happiness" and "well-adjustedness" you claim to observe? It's a lie that you won't let yourself expose, however it's magnitude over time will overwhelm your ability to hide. So, regrettably and ruefully, I have one word for you: Wait. And a few words for anyone else contemplating a similar path: Don't do it!
Mercy Marc. I see you aren't on city-data to try to expand your business. How brave of you to be such a complete ass using your real name.
I also like the way you string words together in an effort to sound intelligent and condemnational. It's cute. But lovey, rather than just making baseless claims and calling names, why not back them with something that at least looks like facts? If my post is as you say "most and evil and clueless" then say why. Say why my children are not happy and well-adjusted.
And don't pretend to be rueful and regretful when you are practically squeeing your britches for an opportunity to be hateful.
Mercy Marc. I see you aren't on city-data to try to expand your business. How brave of you to be such a complete ass using your real name.
I also like the way you string words together in an effort to sound intelligent and condemnational. It's cute. But lovey, rather than just making baseless claims and calling names, why not back them with something that at least looks like facts? If my post is as you say "most and evil and clueless" then say why. Say why my children are not happy and well-adjusted.
And don't pretend to be rueful and regretful when you are practically squeeing your britches for an opportunity to be hateful.
Business be damned. The world needs to be saved.
The fact that you are getting so defensive proves my point. Somewhere in your brain you know that I'm right, but people are often loathe to admit to themselves that they haven't lived up to their own standards or self-expectations. Anyone holding up a mirror gets a blast of... The overwhelming data that is available to anyone who wants to do the research indicates completely and irrefutably that children need a mom and a dad in a stable household to have the best chance at a rational, correct, and happy life.
The path you have chosen is one you will regret, and in 20 years when you have adult kids kids exhibiting a plethora of psychological problems and hostility to you for putting them through it, you might save these posts and will say to yourself: "OMG, how could I have been so completely wrong?"
And on City-Data 3rd edition in 25 years, you will be advising others, that whatever they do, that they not follow your path, that they do the research, that they make the decision to have and raise children with thought, care, PLANNING, FOCUS, and with the proper consideration due a task of this importance and this solemnity.
You will then sound like me, only having lived the mistake, you will probably be more forceful and strident.
In any case, it's too late for you, the die is cast. But others should learn from this, and please do the research. It's not ambiguous, except for those who want an alternative to reality. Which, of course, does not exist.
Last edited by Marc Paolella; 04-12-2016 at 09:52 AM..
This is one of the most and evil and clueless posts I have ever read on City-Data. It illustrates the degree to which a human can engage in the art and science of self-delusion. As to the "happiness" and "well-adjustedness" you claim to observe? It's a lie that you won't let yourself expose, however it's magnitude over time will overwhelm your ability to hide. So, regrettably and ruefully, I have one word for you: Wait. And a few words for anyone else contemplating a similar path: Don't do it!
Kids don't miss what they don't know. That is until they grow up and even then it won't set them back other than the occasional "I wonder what it would be like" feeling. This affects them into their adulthood how?
You can equate this to kids who live in a small apt, or have no yard to play in, or have never interacted with grandparents. They would be better off otherwise, but are they really affected by it long-term?
The fact that you are getting so defensive proves my point. Somewhere in your brain you know that I'm right, but people are often loathe to admit to themselves that they haven't lived up to their own standards or self-expectations. Anyone holding up a mirror gets a blast of... The overwhelming data that is available to anyone who wants to do the research indicates completely and irrefutably that children need a mom and a dad in a stable household to have the best chance at a rational, correct, and happy life.
The path you have chosen is one you will regret, and in 20 years when you have adult kids kids exhibiting a plethora of psychological problems and hostility to you for putting them through it, you might save these posts and will say to yourself: "OMG, how could I have been so completely wrong?"
And on City-Data 3rd edition in 25 years, you will be advising others, that whatever they do, that they not follow your path, that they do the research, that they make the decision to have and raise children with thought, care, PLANNING, FOCUS, and with the proper consideration due a task of this importance and this solemnity.
You will then sound like me, only having lived the mistake, you will probably be more forceful and strident.
In any case, it's too late for you, the die is cast. But others should learn from this, and please do the research. It's not ambiguous, except for those who want an alternative to reality. Which, of course, does not exist.
That was hardly being on the defensive. See now this is a post I could be defensive toward but the other was no more than a string of words that made you feel good when you typed them (which admittedly much of this post is too). But I wholeheartedly agree with you that kids need a mom and dad for the best chance at a happy life. Keywords are "best chance" though. If you don't have that environment, you cut your cloak to fit your cloth and do your best to raise happy children anyway. As far as "thought, care, PLANNING, FOCUS, and with the proper consideration due a task of this importance and this solemnity" I dare say most children are not conceived in this way. It's good advice, certainly. I can't argue there either. I don't know why you'd assume that was not my path though.
As far as defensiveness, I don't need to defend my parenting or my children's happiness to you. No matter what I say, you will continue the verbal frottage and thinly veiled misogyny. I can feel your condescension clearly. I know what kind of parent I am though, my shortcomings and successes, and have faith in both my children and myself. We are not condemned to a future of regrets and unhappiness, except in your universe. Thankfully, we don't live there.
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