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Boundaries go both ways. If they aren't allowed to dig around in my closet, then I'm not allowed to dig around in theirs either. And I assure you, I AM allowed to dig around in their closet, and I will continue to be allowed, until such time as they are paying me rent.
If you want privacy, get a safe.
No, it's apples and oranges. They are minors. Usually parents only go through their kids belongings when there is a safety reason to do so. Or to switch out clothes for the new season when they are young. There isn't a safety reason to go through my closet without asking me.
A good comparison would be when they have a house of their own, I won't go digging in the back of their closets and they won't go through mine.
No, it's apples and oranges. They are minors. Usually parents only go through their kids belongings when there is a safety reason to do so. Or to switch out clothes for the new season when they are young. There isn't a safety reason to go through my closet without asking me.
A good comparison would be when they have a house of their own, I won't go digging in the back of their closets and they won't go through mine.
Eh, everyone feels differently on this one, that's okay.
In my mind, when they have a house of their own, I won't go digging in the back of their closets and they won't go through mine, yes. But right now my house IS their house, and unless I've specifically set aside "private spots" for each person in the house like a safe, then my house is their house, and they get to go through the closets. As do I. My house is not "us vs them", it's "us parenting them". They aren't "minors" they are "my children". (Well, they are minors, but you know what I mean.) Big difference in my book. My job isn't to be their king and warden, my job is to be their parent and teacher.
They had to know that they weren't supposed to go digging in their parents closet. They are both old enough to know that. They had to climb to get what they wanted and they thought it was candy. If they were allowed the candy, why would it be hidden way back and high up in a closet?
How are they to know if it hasn't come up before? I don't think I ever had an issue with my kids going through my room, and I know I never had to specifically tell them to stay out. But, being boys, I'm sure they never thought I had anything of interest to them. I, on the other hand, used to love to look through my mother's closet, and I don't remember her being upset about it.
I think the candy reason was just the first thing to pop into that child's head. It doesn't even make sense.
Eh, everyone feels differently on this one, that's okay.
In my mind, when they have a house of their own, I won't go digging in the back of their closets and they won't go through mine, yes. But right now my house IS their house, and unless I've specifically set aside "private spots" for each person in the house like a safe, then my house is their house, and they get to go through the closets. As do I. My house is not "us vs them", it's "us parenting them". They aren't "minors" they are "my children". (Well, they are minors, but you know what I mean.) Big difference in my book. My job isn't to be their king and warden, my job is to be their parent and teacher.
Yes. As a parent, I set boundaries. All kids need to have boundaries. I'm not telling them they can't ever go in my room. They have a boundary about my room and that is they need to ask permission to go searching through it. I keep Christmas presents in my closet as well. Do I need to get a safe to put those in? I think not.
Are you going to tell their teacher she needs to get a safe if she doesn't want your children going through her stuff? It's their classroom isn't it?
How are they to know if it hasn't come up before? I don't think I ever had an issue with my kids going through my room, and I know I never had to specifically tell them to stay out. But, being boys, I'm sure they never thought I had anything of interest to them. I, on the other hand, used to love to look through my mother's closet, and I don't remember her being upset about it.
I think the candy reason was just the first thing to pop into that child's head. It doesn't even make sense.
I've never had the issue either with my closet. My kids probably think the same way yours did....that I don't have anything of interest to them in there. The Christmas presents are safe for now as they both still believe in Santa. Not for long though.
Boundaries go both ways. If they aren't allowed to dig around in my closet, then I'm not allowed to dig around in theirs either. And I assure you, I AM allowed to dig around in their closet, and I will continue to be allowed, until such time as they are paying me rent.
If you want privacy, get a safe.
So anything you have that is not in a safe, the kids are allowed to snoop in? Does this include your purse, wallet, phone, emails, texts, and all the drawers in your bedroom?
Too bad that the kids who don't learn about personal property boundaries in the home will have to learn them the hard way out in the real world when they start invading other people's property boundaries. These are the same kids who will have to learn things such as it is not OK to go through the teacher's desk at school when he or she is not there.
If you're teaching a 9yr old that any anything you ask of them you should also follow is insane.
To a point, this is exactly what I teach them. Just last night I told my daughter she couldn't play ipad until she got her homework done. She shot back "but what about you?" And I told her my homework was to get dinner on the table and clean the kitchen, and I am absolutely not allowed to play ipad until my work is done either.
I may not have to say, ride in a carseat, but they know that's just because I am taller and my bones are firmer. But I have to wear a seatbelt same as them.
I may not have to go to school, but I sure did go to school when I was their age, and I go to work now. School is their "work".
Quote:
Originally Posted by WeHa
Your children are not your equals. There are different rules for adults and kids.
They are not my equals yet, but I'm trying to teach them how to eventually become my equals. That's the goal, right?
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