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There are several homophobes on this thread. Shocking...
I hope you're not referring to me, because nothing could be further from the truth. I just think there's a distinct possibility that everything the OP has observed is connected, based on my own experience with my brother. He walked away from the alcohol and drugs, by the way, after he came out, but his adolescence was a tough time. I'm glad to report that he's now a happy, healthy 40-something, and he and his partner are a much loved part of our family.
I would get him into therapy, and also try to find out if he has been molested. Molestation and/or also domineering parents seem--a common thread shared by the majority of homosexuals and users of drugs.
I would be concerned about any sexual activity at that age..Unless it is limited to interest and not
being sexually active...
I would give consequences for the drug paraphernalia . And weekly drug testing..
Tell him your job as a parent is to keep him safe.
For the room, can you just tell him that
his weekend begins on Friday after his room is clean...That worked for my messy teens..
Sometimes I made it Sat morning..Sometimes I told them before an activity they were excited about with enough warning that they had time to get it straight..
Actually with the other issues to focus on I would not worry about the room right now..Just close the door when he is gone..
I hope you're not referring to me, because nothing could be further from the truth. I just think there's a distinct possibility that everything the OP has observed is connected, based on my own experience with my brother. He walked away from the alcohol and drugs, by the way, after he came out, but his adolescence was a tough time. I'm glad to report that he's now a happy, healthy 40-something, and he and his partner are a much loved part of our family.
I wasnt referring to anyone specifically. But there is a lot of homophobia on here...
We have had an ongoing issue with our now 13 year old son not cleaning his room. It finally came to a head a couple of weeks ago and we ended up helping him clean his room. While cleaning it we found a poor attempt to make a bong, several bad attempts at pipes, chewing tobacco, nutmeg, a baggie full of nude women. We took his phone and I went through it. Somewhere in a text message he said he was bi-curious and another said he was pansexual. I have made an appointment for him to see a counselor, I spoke with the school counselor and the teacher who sees him the most during the day.
Take the door off his room, and do NOT help him clean it. The door only comes back when he starts cleaning it up himself.
As far as his sexuality, he is who he is and no counselor is going to change that.
He is not living an alternative lifestyle. He is a teenaged boy.
I would not put up with any drug paraphernalia, including tobacco. Regarding the baggie of nude women, hopefully he did not close the baggie so they could breathe. If it was just nude pictures, though, he's a teenage boy. All teen boys look at nude women. Yes, even your now 29, 27, and 25 year old boys...they just did not get caught.
So what if he is bi? Or gay? Or whatever? He is still your son. Period. Would you suddenly stop loving him if he told you this?
And eyeliner? So what? Girls wear it. Why can't boys? Choose your battles wisely. IMO, eyeliner is not worth a fight.
Do you talk...I mean really talk...to your son? Or do you just tell him to do things? If he brings up ideas that do not mesh with your ideas, do you shut him down without allowing him a chance to explain?
I also agree wholeheartedly with PeachSalsa's advice and comments. OP, you said that you are taking your son to counseling? Counseling for what?
The only thing that I would be concerned with is the drug issue. That definitely needs to be dealt with.
I would make sure he fully understands what bisexual and pansexual means, what it means to live that lifestyle. What that lifestyle looks at 20 , 30 40, 50, 60 years old. I would guess he probably does not understand. Kids are under a LOT of pressure to embrace and commit to alt lifestyles with no understanding of them.
I would also ask where he heard the terms from. Schools are passing around a lot of info that should be under a parent's domain. Find out what is going on at the school. Find out who his friends are. TALK with him.
Lifestyle? Are you from the 1950s?
Pressure to be gay? What universe are you from? One with the Fox Galaxy?
If he finds guys sexy then that's just how he is. The only thing your attitude creates is misery.
And to educate you: there are miserable and happy couples from all walks of life and ages. You think that only homocouples are miserable with age? LOL!!!
I would make sure he fully understands what bisexual and pansexual means, what it means to live that lifestyle. What that lifestyle looks at 20 , 30 40, 50, 60 years old. I would guess he probably does not understand. Kids are under a LOT of pressure to embrace and commit to alt lifestyles with no understanding of them.
I would also ask where he heard the terms from. Schools are passing around a lot of info that should be under a parent's domain. Find out what is going on at the school. Find out who his friends are. TALK with him.
Being gay or bisexual is NOT a lifestyle. Being a vegan or a nudist is a conscious lifestyle decision, homosexuality and bisexuality are sexual orientations and not conscious decisions. If anything adolescent boys are under societal pressure to act on heterosexual expectations and pursue girls whether they truly want to or not.
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