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When your son complained about your daughter, why didn't you tell him that she doesn't have to play if she doesn't want to. You could have suggested that he do legos, coloring, or something else on his own. At 6 he is capable of occupying himself. It seems like helping them learn how to solve issues is better than letting your bf punish them for something so small.
Why they have to play or do things together any way? a girl has choice of girlish stuff and boy is interested in boys stuff they are age 6 and 8 they are grown enough to do on their own what every they want other than being stubborn. Don't encourage tattles just ignore it. Set them free to do what they like. As other members said you both need parent sessions OP
The way we shut the tattling down with our two boys was to tell them that IF they needed to tell us something about their brother, it had to be SO important that he was either going to hurt himself or hurt someone else (a sibling, friend or pet)
Other than that, we put our hands up and stopped him in mid-sentence. They learn quickly that tattling over trivial matters fall of deaf ears.
Oh, and they shouldn't be forced to play together or watch TV together.
I need peoples input. Okay so I have a 6 yr old boy an 8 yr old girl. They do share a room(wish they didn't have to though) Well my 6 yr old came to me to tattle on his sister earlier b/c she wouldn't play with him. They were watching cartoons in room. When 6 yr old decided he wanted to play, but wanted his sister to play with him. When she said no b/c she was watching tv he came to tattle. Well my bf got upset b/c he wanted them to decide if they would either play together or watch tv together w/o it being a problem. Neither child would compromise. So he decided to turn tv off and said no playing either. For them to just lay down. Well then he decided he would put tv on. But on a discovery channel instead of cartoons. My daughter asked if she could just turn tv off. But bf said no that it was staying on and on that channel. He said since they couldn't give us what we wanted which was them getting along that he wasn't going to give them their way. Well I don't agree that they should have to do everything together. I do think they should be nice to each other but not be forced to do same activity together. I secretly put tv back on cartoon. I don't want to start a fight w/ bf
Is the bf the father? If not, he has no business making any decisions like that. And no, it doesn't make any sense that they have to do the same activity all the time. 6 year old boys and 8 year old girls will never want to do that. It's not normal.
Listening skills and communication are lacking in this family dynamic.
When a child "tattles", its to convey a message. Be glad your children come to you and openly share. Discouraging communication is not the answer. Its an opportunity to step up, make your ears be open. Part of parenting is to guide them to resolve inter personal relationships, they get that thru your actions. since they see you going behind your BF's back, they themselves take that as acceptable behavior.
Stop the TV time, Start the counseling.
Its not an insult to fine tune your parenting skills and learn varying methods to respectfully treat the situations as they arise.
Our local United Way has a weekly parenting class, sometimes its for different stages of parenting ( Pre adolescent, toddlers etc). Check your local area to see what is available. No one who is a parent should be saying...I don't have time for this tune up. You make the time for that which is valued. And families have value.
Best to you , I'm sure you want the best for healthy well rounded children.
First off, they are too old to be sharing a room! It's fine if they're the same sex, but they are not.
Secondly, who's the parent? Why is the BF disciplining the children? Telling them they can't do one thing and them making them do it makes absolutely no sense and you're sending them mixed signals. The 8 year old sounds like the brains in this family!
Is the bf the father? If not, he has no business making any decisions like that. And no, it doesn't make any sense that they have to do the same activity all the time. 6 year old boys and 8 year old girls will never want to do that. It's not normal.
Exactly! Why in the world is the BF disciplining them and making parenting decisions that you don't like and yet are afraid to disagree with to his face? You feel bad because you "secretly" turned the TV on?
Something is wrong with this, and it's a bigger problem than 2 children arguing and tattling. Kids do that--shared room or not.
They shouldn't have to do everything together all of the time.
Moving to the living room and giving your daughter the bedroom will make things worse, not better. You and your boyfriend need to have some space to yourselves for your relationship to stay on good terms. Your boyfriend needs to have more privacy than sleeping in the living room would provide...where will either of you get dressed?
Having the kids use their bedroom mainly for sleeping might help with the problem. If they're allowed to watch TV in the living room or to play in the living room, then if they don't want to play together, one can be in the bedroom and one can be in the living room.
Your 8 year old doesn't always have to play with your 6 year old or keep him entertained. She should be able to things that she chooses to do instead of always having to keep him busy. He needs to understand that she needs some space and time to herself, and he needs some activities that he can do without her.
When my kids come and tattle to me, I always give them a cleaning chore. I don't say, "You tattled and now you have to clean." I say, "Now that you're out here, I need you to..." so that they'll feel like every time they tattle on each other, it leads to extra work, and so that tattling on each other will seem unpleasant and they'll learn to work it out with each other. They still come to me when they've got a concern about each other (for example, one kid has bad hives all over her belly but she doesn't want to tell me, so her sister does) but that's helpful and not nuisance tattling.
Hogwash, they are not too old to be sharing a room if it is an ok situation for them. If they are happy about it, fine. If not, look into alternatives. It will need to be on the long term radar because at some point (I am guessing 2-4 years) they will need their own room. That said, lots of brother/sister combos in history have shared bedrooms with out dire results.
Listening skills and communication are lacking in this family dynamic.
When a child "tattles", its to convey a message. Be glad your children come to you and openly share. Discouraging communication is not the answer. Its an opportunity to step up, make your ears be open. Part of parenting is to guide them to resolve inter personal relationships, they get that thru your actions. since they see you going behind your BF's back, they themselves take that as acceptable behavior.
Stop the TV time, Start the counseling.
Its not an insult to fine tune your parenting skills and learn varying methods to respectfully treat the situations as they arise.
Our local United Way has a weekly parenting class, sometimes its for different stages of parenting ( Pre adolescent, toddlers etc). Check your local area to see what is available. No one who is a parent should be saying...I don't have time for this tune up. You make the time for that which is valued. And families have value.
Best to you , I'm sure you want the best for healthy well rounded children.
Good post! You don't have to fix the problem for them, but tattling is a good time to help them learn to problem solve! Shutting them out or punishing them is terrible if your long term goal is communication with your kids.
And also, free parenting classes are offered...look for them. I had a friend who really lacked in the parenting department (she wasnt parented well) and really wanted to do better. She found one at a local charity for low income people and it helped her so much. It was geared towards elementary aged kids (which hers were) and i think saved the kids from a really bleak future.
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