can't agree (out of control, child, husband, friend)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She has children with him (well one, but with a lawyer it sounds like he might be able to take the other), she could lose them.
Fear-mongering isn't going to help her either.
If "listening to some people online" isn't going to help her, what are we even doing here?
She has NO ONE to discuss this with, and she has (up to now) gotten some great advice. She should acknowledge what she's already doing (supporting them all) and get rid of the biggest obstacle to her progress.
Read some more of her posts? She pretty much spells it out that she is heavily dependent on the men in her life to make decisions for her. I think she has the reserves, I think she needs a person *in real life!* to help her tap into those. And honestly, I don't know she has to break up with her bf. We are hearing one side...and I don't know if she wants to. She has children with him (well one, but with a lawyer it sounds like he might be able to take the other), she could lose them. She needs to get *in real life!* resources in place, not listen to a bunch of people online.
That is what I was saying, I stick by it.
Well of course she needs to get resources in real life. No one disputes that.
Interesting you telling her that she shouldn't listen to a bunch of people online...then following that up with telling her what she should do. Is it just everyone ELSE she shouldn't be listening to?
Telling her you don't think she is strong enough to do it isn't helpful either.
Ok, witch hunting season has begun and words are being twisted. Anyways, OP, best of luck. I hope you are able to access some resources in your community to help. If I recall, you are planning to get into counseling. I think that would be great! Good luck!
If "listening to some people online" isn't going to help her, what are we even doing here?
She has NO ONE to discuss this with, and she has (up to now) gotten some great advice. She should acknowledge what she's already doing (supporting them all) and get rid of the biggest obstacle to her progress.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Well of course she needs to get resources in real life. No one disputes that.
Interesting you telling her that she shouldn't listen to a bunch of people online...then following that up with telling her what she should do. Is it just everyone ELSE she shouldn't be listening to?
Telling her you don't think she is strong enough to do it isn't helpful either.
Yes. The OP can do this, all she needs is encouragement. We can offer that. It's much harder to support somebody who makes multiple threads complaining about things she has the power to change, and ignores the responses.
I don't ignore the responses. I really do appreciate all advice and just anyone willing to let me vent. I am so lost. I have told him when he says he wants to go and he hates me to just go. But if it is at night and I say to go he says things that make me nervous to press it. In past years he went to jail a few times for putting his hands on me. I didn't call cops, neighbors did. Then I would be semi okay while he was gone. When he would get out of jail, yes I would miss him but we would get back together under the impression it would get better
I do love him. I do think he loves me. I just don't know what's wrong w/ me to deal with it. I am seeking counseling b/c Me myself have a lot to deal with besides this. I loved working before but I quit when my dad got sick to help him. I would like to go back to work soon. Also I know I do not need him financially speaking. Truthfully I do not need him or any man in any way to survive. I have always taking care of me and my kids w/o anyone but sometimes my dads help. He would not be able to get custody of his son over me regardless. I don't think but I do believe he would do something to hurt me if I made him go and w/e. I love him but I hate him I hate my whole life especially now my dads gone.
I even get nervous he will read this or see this I am pathetic
I do love him. I do think he loves me. I just don't know what's wrong w/ me to deal with it. I am seeking counseling b/c Me myself have a lot to deal with besides this. I loved working before but I quit when my dad got sick to help him. I would like to go back to work soon. Also I know I do not need him financially speaking. Truthfully I do not need him or any man in any way to survive. I have always taking care of me and my kids w/o anyone but sometimes my dads help. He would not be able to get custody of his son over me regardless. I don't think but I do believe he would do something to hurt me if I made him go and w/e. I love him but I hate him I hate my whole life especially now my dads gone.
I even get nervous he will read this or see this I am pathetic
You aren't pathetic! You are taking a good step by getting into counseling. You might want to keep it a secret from your bf, though, if you can. You have to stay safe. I hope the counselor can help you figure out how to get safe and keep your kids safe.
Keep remembering that you can be an advocate for yourself and your kids. Keep thinking about that life that you want, where you can come and go when you want to and do the things you want to do.
Don't be afraid to reach out to a women's shelter. They have people there who do this all the time...help women in exactly your position.
He went to jail a few times for putting his hands on you?!? That should have been a dealbreaker the firsttime he did it! Someone who loves you would not ever hit you. The fact that you're scared he might do something to hurt you if you made him leave should tell you he is not the right kind of guy to be in a relationship with.
You really need help, sweetheart. Please find an organization that can help you, you should be able to locate one online. Try to stop with the negative self-talk, you aren't pathetic, you're in a messed up relationship with a man who verbally and physically abuses you. He's gotten into your head with all the terrible things he says to belittle you. You don't deserve this, and you can do better for yourself. The first step is to get help.
Last edited by Gfab1; 04-28-2016 at 06:54 PM..
Reason: grammar
Keep remembering that you can be an advocate for yourself and your kids. Keep thinking about that life that you want, where you can come and go when you want to and do the things you want to do.
Don't be afraid to reach out to a women's shelter. They have people there who do this all the time...help women in exactly your position.
He has been to jail for putting his hands on you?
Please please do reach out to a woman's shelter and get the support you need.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
