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Old 05-02-2016, 11:02 AM
 
Location: The analog world
17,077 posts, read 13,318,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
Pat yourself on the back, you've raised a wonderful daughter who is going to handle the real world with grace and grit.
Thank you. That's very sweet of you to write.

Anybody else run into this? Did you also feel disappointed for your daughter (or son), even as you were confident that it would all work out for the best?

As an aside, I did not attend my high school prom, because I wasn't asked either. In hindsight, I wish I'd had the confidence to do what my daughter is doing, but going alone just wasn't done at that time. I did make up for it in college, however, where I attended many formal events/balls.

Last edited by randomparent; 05-02-2016 at 11:11 AM..
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Old 05-02-2016, 11:15 AM
 
18,349 posts, read 18,966,033 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
Thank you. That's very sweet of you to write.

Anybody else run into this? Did you also feel disappointed for your daughter (or son), even as you were confident that it would all work out for the best?

As an aside, I did not attend my high school prom, because I wasn't asked either. In hindsight, I wish I'd had the confidence to do what my daughter is doing, but going alone just wasn't done at that time. I did make up for it in college, however, where I attended many formal events/balls.
I too think you did an awesome job to raise a young woman who would go on her own and not just stay at home. I was never invited in high school either and going alone just wasn't done. I think you should chalk this up to you having an amazing daughter that won't let life's little disappointments get in the way!
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Old 05-02-2016, 11:40 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
23,973 posts, read 32,296,294 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
I'm sure I'm opening myself up for criticism here, and some will jump to the conclusion that I'm overly involved, but those who know me personally and/or are familiar with my posting history know that I am well-balanced and neither a drama queen nor a helicopter parent. That being out of the way...

My seventeen-year-old daughter and friends (both male and female) have been planning to attend prom as a group for more than a year. Unfortunately, that has crashed and burned over the past month or so, as the entire bunch has paired up, complete with elaborate "prom-posals," leaving my middle child odd one out, and I'd be lying if I did not admit to finding it just a tad upsetting. She's putting on a brave face -- for just one brief moment did she express any disappointment in how things are playing out -- and bought herself a beautiful dress, scheduled a hair appointment, & arranged to borrow the car to drive herself downtown to the event. I admire her pluck, because she certainly has more self-confidence than I did at that age. But her father and I are flummoxed. She is truly a lovely, bright young woman with a LOT of friends, but she rarely gets asked out on a date.

I know my role: stay out of it and be positive, and I'm doing so, trusting that she's handling it the way she sees fit. I guess I'm just wondering if other moms & dads have been there. My first child, a boy, had a long-term high school girlfriend, so this wasn't an issue last time around.

randomparent, yes. I am familiar with your posting history, and I will enthusiastically concur that you are not a helicopter parent. You are involved, but not overly so. And you come across as interested and involved in your children, but not out of balance or obsessed.

I wanted to get that out of the way!

I "went through" prom last year with my youngest daughter. It is a season in your life of high drama, (for the kids) and excitement. This is their first formal event, and young people take it quite seriously. So I understand what you are speaking about.

First let me say, that if it were my daughter, I would be heartbroken, as would she. I abmire her bravey and insistence on attending her prom, regardless of the fact that she does not have a date.

I will say that in our area (my son attended prom in PA, and we have since relocated to Ohio, so my daughter's prom last year was here) , many of the "prom couples", if you will, were not "boyfriend and girlfriend", They were just two seniors who decided to attend prom together. These plans were generally made a few months before. It was not uncommon for girls to ask a boy who was in one of her classes, or a friend from outside of school.

What I am suggesting is that your daughter ask a boy to prom. He does not need to be "prince charming" and she is not marrying him. It's just for one night, so that she has an escort, and does not feel left out. There must be some guy - a quiet boy who sits in homeroom with her. A boy from another class who is an acquaintance. A a boy who she knows does not have a prom date.

There has to be someone.

Think.

Ask her to make a list of possible boys to ask. And do that. Now.

It's sad that the boy is not from her circle of friends, but sometimes it just happens that way.

I have found over the years, that boys are not as affected by prom as girls are. At the same time, I have found that many who do not have dates, are more than willing to attend their Senior prom - if only someone would ask them!

You and she have to "think outside the box" on this one, and come up quickly with a list of three boys who she could ask. I would first try a boy in her graduating class. Then I would open it up to boys a year younger. There is no shame in that. Beyond that, I would think about boys she might know from out of school activities or a neighbor who is a couple of years older.

He doesn't have to be a drop dead handsome boy. Perhaps someone who is a little nerdy, who she normally might not think of dating.

With your support, she can do this!

I just want her to have as normal a prom experience as is possible under the circumstances. And I admit, the circumstances are less than ideal.

If she is brave enough to go to prom by her self, she should be brave enough to ask a boy to accompany her.

Best of luck, and let me know what you think of this idea. I'll be sending good thoughts her way.
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Old 05-02-2016, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Brew City
4,865 posts, read 4,158,614 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
Your daughter is learning a valuable, albeit painful, lesson about the true worth of people she thought were her friends. Apparently, her "friends" did not value her enough as a friend to continue to include her in an activity that they had long planned on doing together, even if she was the only one not paired off. The group could have all gone together, and the boys could have taken turns dancing with her while their main partners took breaks. But instead, they appear to be allowing their hormones to get the better of them (hardly unusual in that age group) and are leaving her out.

It appears that your daughter is making the best of a bad situation, so kudos to her. If she would like your presence during the pre-prom shopping and preparation, you can always do that to support her. But otherwise, all you can really do is make your shoulder available in case she wants to cry on it.

This.


Did they in fact exclude her or is she just feeling like a 3rd wheel because she doesn't have a date?

Either way, I couldn't possibly imagine intervening.
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Old 05-02-2016, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegabern View Post
This.


Did they in fact exclude her or is she just feeling like a 3rd wheel because she doesn't have a date?

Either way, I couldn't possibly imagine intervening.
I agree. I wasn't suggesting that the OP intervene either.

I think there is just disappointment the the daughter didn't get to participate in all the process, and that her friends are changing the plans now to something that mostly seems unfair.
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Old 05-02-2016, 11:52 AM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,102,689 times
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I agree with the others. She sounds like she's doing great, but of course it is hard for mom to watch. I wonder why they didn't go ahead and get a limo together and still all go "together" even if some had dates.
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Old 05-02-2016, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,178 posts, read 63,636,357 times
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My granddaughter is graduating this year and although she had a date for the prom, one of her friends did not, so my grandson, her brother, took the friend. My grandson (a junior) is a nice kid, but not really heartthrob material at this point, but it worked out that they all had fun.
Do any of your daughter's friends have a brother who could step in?
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Old 05-02-2016, 11:57 AM
 
Location: The analog world
17,077 posts, read 13,318,841 times
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I don't think they're deliberately excluding her. I think they just assumed that she would come to prom anyway, which is exactly what's happening, so they weren't wrong! My daughter has always been the most mature of her peer group. She's very low drama. A natural caretaker who thinks of others before herself, she has a "just get it done" approach to life in general. It's her best quality and one she inherited from her father, who has a similar personality. I know she'll be okay. In fact, she may end up having the best time of the entire group. As her mother, though, it's hard to see her passed over as a date, but I know that's my emotional baggage speaking, not hers. Her time will come. Has anybody else been in my shoes? Did you also feel disappointed?
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Old 05-02-2016, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Brew City
4,865 posts, read 4,158,614 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent View Post
I don't think they're deliberately excluding her. I think they just assumed that she would come to prom anyway, which is exactly what's happening, so they weren't wrong! My daughter has always been the most mature of her peer group. She's very low drama. A natural caretaker who thinks of others before herself, she has a "just get it done" approach to life in general. It's her best quality and one she inherited from her father, who has a similar personality. I know she'll be okay. In fact, she may end up having the best time of the entire group. As her mother, though, it's hard to see her passed over as a date, but I know that's my emotional baggage speaking, not hers. Her time will come. Has anybody else been in my shoes? Did you also feel disappointed?
Your daughter sounds great!


And sometimes there simply aren't any high school boys worth dating .
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Old 05-02-2016, 12:03 PM
 
Location: The analog world
17,077 posts, read 13,318,841 times
Reputation: 22904
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegabern View Post
Your daughter sounds great!


And sometimes there simply aren't any high school boys worth dating .
Ha! True enough. I met my Prince Charming in college, and it was with him that I attended so many formal events, so prom is not the be all and end all. Thanks everyone for the nice comments. I'm feeling much better. You ladies and gents are terrific!
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