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Maybe the other parent wanted to press charges for assault against your child, so the administrator told them that your child had been disciplined and suspended so that they would know it had been addressed and would not feel the need for further action.
It's actually a good life lesson for your child, that if he harms another person, there will be consequences and the consequences will not be secret. If he's embarrassed about a punishment, maybe that will help him think first and not lash out.
I can tell you're not taking it very seriously...a scuffle? Now there's a kid out there who is probably scared every day at school because he doesn't want to get beat up, and your main concern is minimizing embarrassment for your bully.
I suspect that there is more to the story. I bet that the other parent was saying that they were going to the police and request criminal charges against your son or that they were going to an attorney to file a law suit against your son and your family, or probably both. And, the administrator was trying to calm them down by saying that they were handling it at school.
Frankly, your feelings of disappointment & frustration should be directly towards your son, who started a fight/struck a peer/or whatever and not at the school or school administrators. In my experience, if they share something like that with the other parent it is to stop the other parent from doing something worse.
Also, at the MS level talk of who has been suspended is often only news or gossip for a day or two before it is completely forgotten because of some new drama.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-03-2016 at 12:15 PM..
I remember when I was in school, I knew when kids were suspended. And I knew when kids had detention. You just knew. It wasn't because the school administration talked about it, it wasn't because the teachers talked. It's because the kids talked.
Kids are smart. Kid causea a fight, then doesn't show up to school the next day (or some random day the next week). School policy says that suspensions are automatic for fighting. Why didn't the kid show up? Suspended, clearly. Kids know when other kids are called into the office. They know to pay attention to how staff reacts to unexpected absences. They know how to listen for small remarks that are made. They know.
Perhaps, if they don't know for sure, they knock on doors asking why the kid got suspended just to see if they really did get suspended. The reaction verifies what the kids suspect.
What the school did is wrong, but your focus now should be on ensuring that your son understands the gravity of his wrong-doing and helping him to develop emotional resilience in the face of continuing gossip. The better he handles it the less stigma there will be for him going forward. Kids make mistakes, and unfortunately their peers can be less than forgiving, so you have an important role to play in helping him move beyond it while holding him accountable for his actions. It's a tough balancing act. And don't forget that you, too, are under the microscope as your son's parent, so try not to lash out. I guarantee that no good will come of it. Develop a stock answer for questions about the incident and don't go off script even if provoked.
If my child was beaten up at school, I would ask the school what measures they are taking to ensure that my child doesn't get beaten up by the same kid. Their response of we "the measure that we took is we suspended the other child" is an appropriate response.
Why is everyone piling on the OP? They know their son did something wrong. The son paid the consequences. This does not mean that it is okay that the principal disclosed the disciplinary action! If it was your child you know darn well you would stand up for him or her.
OP I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.
I figured I'd get a few out there that needed to be bullies themselves.
I decided to contact an education lawyer and thought I'd update this thread so that if someone else needs some info on this topic I'd follow up with this:
The school cannot disclose this information. Period.
Thank you to those who answered my question. I appreciate your help.
It might be worth considering that the principal didn't have to disclose much, as much of it can be discerned. He didn't have to say "Johnny Kwalk was suspended for fighting with your son Steve, Mrs. Smith." "He has been disciplined" and other information might be all they need. The kids can put it together. Johnny got sent to principals office. Johnny didn't come to school the next day. Johnny was suspended. They aren't dumb.
If my child was beaten up at school, I would ask the school what measures they are taking to ensure that my child doesn't get beaten up by the same kid. Their response of we "the measure that we took is we suspended the other child" is an appropriate response.
We don't have any idea what actually happened, so I think it's a little much to assume that a beating occurred. I once was a witness to an event that ended in suspension, and it was little more than one child flinging a water bottle in the general direction of another kid in an act of frustration. Nobody was hurt, and honestly I completely understood the child who did the flinging and admired his relative restraint, because the other kid was obnoxious. In the end, though, the school had a no tolerance policy and mandatory suspension for any act of aggression. Let's not jump to conclusions about a supposed "beating."
Last edited by randomparent; 05-03-2016 at 01:14 PM..
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