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Old 05-13-2016, 07:39 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,316 posts, read 120,488,465 times
Reputation: 35920

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
Exactly. What many of these American posters are not getting is that WE are the abnormal ones. It is NOT normal for two (or one) parent to do all of the childcare. In many cultures around the world, extended families not only take care of the youngsters, they actually live with the parents under the same roof. Having kids is hard; every parent knows that. Thus the extended family serves to lighten the load by taking care of kids and being a support structure in other ways. There is no cause for criticism here. The baby stays close to the grandparents, the couple is keeping the marriage strong, and the baby sees the parents throughout the week I'm sure. Parents have a tendency to get caught up in the parenting role to the detriment of their marriages and other relationships once kids come along. I think keeping things balanced will actually improve the parent/child relationship.
From what I have read about Australian culture, and heard from friends who have relatives who live there, it is quite similar to ours. Similar, not the same, mind you. This story reeks of self-centeredness on the part of the parents. Don't the grandparents need some time for their marriage, too? The parents of a 28 year old are likely still working themselves.
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Old 05-13-2016, 08:34 AM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,088,332 times
Reputation: 32578
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post

And ...I have an inside person who has shared how very much these parents suck, including they don't allow their oldest to sleep a whole nights rest so they can get extra school work done to always be on the top. I am comfortable that they suck. They also abuse their au pair who should have time off! She works over time weekends too.
So you gossip about what the parents do with an "inside person". And even though you've never met them you know they "suck" because of what you learn while your inside source "shares".

Well, I guess for some people gossiping about the neighbors is more entertaining than minding your own business and cheaper than cable.
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Old 05-13-2016, 09:00 AM
 
1,640 posts, read 791,258 times
Reputation: 813
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
lol you spent all that time to search up and find a quote to try to ...what? Show you were surprised by my reply? I mean I could show the major holes in the comparison between spending a weekend with grandparents and spending most of your waking hours in a day care or with a sitter. But w/e. Its kind of funny. I am flattered.
There's not much to be said for spending that free time you're not working gossiping about parents who are working and likely doing the best they can.
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Old 05-13-2016, 09:50 AM
 
Location: City Data Land
17,156 posts, read 12,912,897 times
Reputation: 33164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
Exactly. What many of these American posters are not getting is that WE are the abnormal ones. It is NOT normal for two (or one) parent to do all of the childcare. In many cultures around the world, extended families not only take care of the youngsters, they actually live with the parents under the same roof. Having kids is hard; every parent knows that. Thus the extended family serves to lighten the load by taking care of kids and being a support structure in other ways. There is no cause for criticism here. The baby stays close to the grandparents, the couple is keeping the marriage strong, and the baby sees the parents throughout the week I'm sure. Parents have a tendency to get caught up in the parenting role to the detriment of their marriages and other relationships once kids come along. I think keeping things balanced will actually improve the parent/child relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
This child's grandparents do not live with them, so that is moot. My mother-in-law lives with us and I agree it's helpful. She does the gardening and light housework and is there if we need a sitter or someone to drive a kid somewhere. The people in the article desire childfree weekends where they can sleep in till 10 and not be parents for two days.

What are these "many cultures around the world" where it's normal for children to live with their grandparents in separate houses all weekend? Not in the same house or in another cottage on the property, because that's not the case here.

It isn't a moot point at all. Hispanic cultures are a lot like this. My ex-inlaws had a very similar arrangement with their 9 year old grandchild. They watched him every day after school for free, and had since he was an infant. They did not live with my sister-in-law, as she lived a couple of miles from them. Furthermore, they lived right next door to their other son, and my ex-husband and I visited them every weekend. When they went grocery shopping, the entire family went along. The family did many things together. Indian families are also like this. The grandparents and other relatives pitch in on childcare duties all the time. Life for them is a "we" thing, not a "me" thing.
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Old 05-13-2016, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,204 posts, read 19,122,698 times
Reputation: 38266
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
It isn't a moot point at all. Hispanic cultures are a lot like this. My ex-inlaws had a very similar arrangement with their 9 year old grandchild. They watched him every day after school for free, and had since he was an infant. They did not live with my sister-in-law, as she lived a couple of miles from them. Furthermore, they lived right next door to their other son, and my ex-husband and I visited them every weekend. When they went grocery shopping, the entire family went along. The family did many things together. Indian families are also like this. The grandparents and other relatives pitch in on childcare duties all the time. Life for them is a "we" thing, not a "me" thing.
none of that is the same as a husband and wife shunting their 2 year old off to Grandma's for the weekend every single weekend, just so they can sleep in and have couple time. Yes, it's great when families help each other out, but when you choose to have a kid, it should be because you want to parent that child and not because you put sleeping in and partying with your spouse above that.

The one thing I haven't seen addressed is what the parents are doing during the week - are they working? Do they use paid childcare during the week? How time do they spend with this little girl when she's not with her grandmother?
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Old 05-13-2016, 11:52 AM
 
2,007 posts, read 2,895,772 times
Reputation: 3129
agree - cultures where family responsibilities are shared are not this situation. This is where mommy and daddy can dump kid off at grandmas so they can party EVERY weekend. Once in a while, sure.
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Old 05-13-2016, 12:13 PM
 
Location: USA
1,034 posts, read 1,085,618 times
Reputation: 2353
Without knowing the particulars of the situation, I don't get what the big deal is. Grandma and Grandpa ARE family. If the grandparents are close with the kid and the kid loves staying there, then this is not a bad thing. The child is being cared for by a beloved family member.

I do wonder why the parents want to have every weekend be "child-free," but since I don't know their schedule or how much time they spend with the kid during the week, well, I don't know.
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Old 05-13-2016, 12:44 PM
 
2,936 posts, read 2,327,138 times
Reputation: 6690
I guess it's better that it's her grandmother and not the nanny.

Quote:
“A Mother should never be made to feel they are not good enough for their child when they are doing everything they can to keep them safe, happy and loved,” Finch wrote. “Only the parents of a child truly know what is best and should always have faith in their decisions.”
What a load of bull, there are plenty of mothers who aren't doing "good enough " and need to be told that.

Sometimes parents do everything for their kids but it's not enough. Some parents make horrible decisions. It happens, it's life.

But to act like the sun shines out your butt and you're the perfect mother is obnoxious.
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Old 05-13-2016, 01:12 PM
 
10,196 posts, read 9,849,639 times
Reputation: 24135
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
So you gossip about what the parents do with an "inside person". And even though you've never met them you know they "suck" because of what you learn while your inside source "shares".

Well, I guess for some people gossiping about the neighbors is more entertaining than minding your own business and cheaper than cable.
LOL so funny. Sometimes this board...LOL

All people are doing here is gossiping.
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Old 05-13-2016, 01:21 PM
 
Location: California
37,097 posts, read 42,098,467 times
Reputation: 34962
All I see is a great opportunity to know and bond with grandparents who won't be around their whole lives. There sure isn't anything here to criticize the parents about.
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