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My daughter (she's my only son ) is now 32. We had lunch the other day and she wanted to show me a letter I had pinned to her pillow when she graduated high school. As graduations are upon us right now, I thought I'd share this with some of you parents (not that I was the greatest father in the world, but she always appreciated the letter and that makes this old man feel good)...
Dear JC, now you have graduated high school you are fully passing into adulthood in my eyes. You are fully making your own decisions and I release you from my parental controls. That said, your mother and I hope to continue to meddle in your affairs as we have opportunity (ok, ok, jez joking). But in as much as I will always be dad to you, I am now taking on the mantle of your friend first and foremost. We are now toe to toe and eye to eye as grownups. So here is my final fatherly advice to you- live life. You are young once and I never want to hear you at age 40 talking with regret about what you wanted to do in life, but never did. Just go. Want to travel? Send post cards. Want to own a business? Please do. Want to be a ski bum? Awesome, but don't suck off the system. But whatever you do and wherever you go, be true to yourself and demand respect from people as you offer it to them. If you do these things, I believe you will live a long and full life. Love, Daddy-o (as she calls me)
Well, she did go. She did travel a bit and opened a roadside coffee place and while I wish she had taken my advice more (to her credit, she always owned her mistakes), ended up being an unbelievable young woman. She married a man who loves her dearly, has a great daughter. However, she also has an incurable disease that hit her about 4 years ago. So as I see her decline I feel the loss but an comfortable in that she stepped out and lived life her way. Without any regret.
So to you parents seeing your kids leave high school this year, let them go, push them out a bit and do not hinder them in any way. They are now friends first and your kid second.
Sniffle. Someone must've been cutting onions in here. Thanks for sharing this - awesome thing to have done. Obviously she treasures that note and your fatherly advice - whether she followed it all or not.
It's a beautiful letter and I'm really sorry your daughter is ill. This letter meant a great deal to her and I can understand why.
But I have to say something. Turning 18 does not make every kid a grown up. OK, in the eyes of the law they might be but we all know the human brain is not fully developed until mid 20s. That does not mean we need to baby our young people but they still need some guidance and direction for quite some time.
I graduated high school and started college at 17. BIG MISTAKE. I wish there had been something like Gap Year back then. I would have benefitted greatly from a year to mature.
My son was mature and pretty much developed at 16 while my 30 year old daughter is still so childish in many ways. I have a very friendly relationship with both of them yet they still come to me for motherly advice (they don't always take it!)
I really like the advice about living life. The older we get, the more adverse to risk most of us become. Youth is the ideal time to try new things, take chances, experiment. I always said I made a lot of mistakes but at least I made them before they affected anybody else but me.
Good one! I wrote a similar letter to my eldest son, with much the same advice, equating myself to the Mother Bird who hatches her egg and when the chick is able, she pushes him out of the nest and says, "Fly, dammit!"
His wife, now deceased, once told me that he was still carrying that letter in his wallet. So it does mean something to your children when you offer some advice and let them take it from there.
Just so they know that the nest always has a spare bed.
Oh my gosh, thank you. My oldest just moved out, and is setting out on her own. I also wish she had taken my advice(gone to college close to home), but is making it fine so far in another state. Your letter to your daughter was awesome, and you have a great outlook in life things. ��
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) is now 32. We had lunch the other day and she wanted to show me a letter I had pinned to her pillow when she graduated high school. As graduations are upon us right now, I thought I'd share this with some of you parents (not that I was the greatest father in the world, but she always appreciated the letter and that makes this old man feel good)...
