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Hello, she is 1 month away from turning 13, and is starting to show signs of attitude ..
when asking her to do the dishes, she rolls her eyes, makes a face, then walks away to do them
when calmly showing her certain mistakes about dishes, she get defensive, and frustrated and talks back with an attitude, I then politely tell her that I talk to her with respect, and expect her to talk to me the same way, which works, for about a day.
then the next day, she's right back at it again ..
Help!
A good swat in the butt will change that attitude in a hurry.
I have a friend of mine who years ago, had a son about 16 years old. We went out fishing and came back with a loaded cooler filled with fish. Brian (Dave's son) went to take the cooler out of the boat and as heavy as it was, the end result is predictable. It fell to the cement, opened and dumped all of our fish on the drive way. Brian used the 'F' word within hearing range of his mother. Dave swatted Brian in the butt and very sternly told him to apologize to his mother for the use of the word and to never say it again.
Brian did apologize rather quickly, but then turned to Dave and said, 'You can't hit me like that - I need to call Child Protection Services'... Dave got out of the boat and went inside his house. He came back a few minutes later with the phone and handed it to Brian. He told Brian, "Here's the phone. I've dialed the number for CPS all you have to do is hit 'send''...
Brian looked at his dad like he'd lost his mind. He took the phone but did nothing with it. Dave interrupted him and said, 'Just giving you a heads up. From the time you hang up from them and they get here, YOU'RE MINE!'...
Brian handed the phone back to Dave and said he'd not be needing it.
Sadly, Brian was killed in an accident (work related - tree fell on him) in '14. His mom, Dorothy recently told me that from that day on, she never heard ANY curse words come out of Brian's mouth...
Rest in peace, BJ... You're missed, loved, and never forgotten.
A good swat in the butt will change that attitude in a hurry.
I have a friend of mine who years ago, had a son about 16 years old. We went out fishing and came back with a loaded cooler filled with fish. Brian (Dave's son) went to take the cooler out of the boat and as heavy as it was, the end result is predictable. It fell to the cement, opened and dumped all of our fish on the drive way. Brian used the 'F' word within hearing range of his mother. Dave swatted Brian in the butt and very sternly told him to apologize to his mother for the use of the word and to never say it again.
Brian did apologize rather quickly, but then turned to Dave and said, 'You can't hit me like that - I need to call Child Protection Services'... Dave got out of the boat and went inside his house. He came back a few minutes later with the phone and handed it to Brian. He told Brian, "Here's the phone. I've dialed the number for CPS all you have to do is hit 'send''...
Brian looked at his dad like he'd lost his mind. He took the phone but did nothing with it. Dave interrupted him and said, 'Just giving you a heads up. From the time you hang up from them and they get here, YOU'RE MINE!'...
Brian handed the phone back to Dave and said he'd not be needing it.
Sadly, Brian was killed in an accident (work related tree fell on him) in '14. His mom, Dorothy recently told me that from that day on, she never heard ANY curse words come out of Brian's mouth...
Rest in peace, BJ... You're missed, loved, and never forgotten.
Hitting a kid, or any human being, is such a horrible answer. No child of any age should ever be hit. Period. When "rolling your eyes" is making a parent hit their child then the parent is not doing their job as a parent. Sorry for your loss.
Hitting a kid, or any human being, is such a horrible answer. No child of any age should ever be hit. Period. When "rolling your eyes" is making a parent hit their child then the parent is not doing their job as a parent. Sorry for your loss.
Our opinions obviously differ. I'm just happy that you said so in the manner in which you did, and weren't offensive. Thank you..
I was swatted as a kid when I did something I wasn't supposed to. Guess what? I didn't do it again. I learned my lessen. The spankings I got were to guide me in another direction after talking me towards correctness didn't...
And thank you for your condolences... He was a fine young man. over 600 were at his funeral.
Hitting a kid, or any human being, is such a horrible answer. No child of any age should ever be hit. Period. When "rolling your eyes" is making a parent hit their child then the parent is not doing their job as a parent. Sorry for your loss.
but so is unconditional love. alot of problems in society stem from lack of discipline and poor manners/behavior.
obviously, many here have never raised a pet either. try soley using positive reinforcement on a puppy where it will see you as weak, and you fall to the bottom of the pack hierarchy, you will end up with a self-entitled poop machine and your home will be his entire bathroom.
Try not to see it as "giving you attitude". After all, who really WANTS to do the dishes. Most of us show something in words or body language when we must do something we don't enjoy. When my kids did that I said something like "Yeah, I know it's a drag and I really appreciate you doing it."
Also, go out there and give her a hand once in a while just to show your appreciation. You can also ask if she would like to prepare the meal and let you do the clean up for a change, or share both jobs in some way so neither is stuck with all the drudge. This type of thing worked for me.
Hello, she is 1 month away from turning 13, and is starting to show signs of attitude ..
when asking her to do the dishes, she rolls her eyes, makes a face, then walks away to do them
when calmly showing her certain mistakes about dishes, she get defensive, and frustrated and talks back with an attitude, I then politely tell her that I talk to her with respect, and expect her to talk to me the same way, which works, for about a day.
then the next day, she's right back at it again ..
Help!
Darn those kids acting their age! I always say, "what comes around goes around". Just remember---there are lots of good times during the teenage years--and a few intense moments!
You remember when she was 3, and a hellion, and you just had to realize it was age appropriate and keep saying no and putting her in timeout until she turned 4 and learned how to be less of a hellion due to all of your efforts?
I haven't raised a teen yet, but I'm told it's the same way. It's completely normal for kids, girls especially, to develop major attitude at this age. It's a healthy part of their development. However, it's not something you are supposed to shrug off and ignore, you still have a be a parent and try to correct the behavior every time you see it, consistently. After a few years of consistent teaching from you, she will start to grow out of the worst parts.
I remember being sweet and wonderful until about 14. Then turning into crazy horrible hormonal attitude defiant teen girl. My dad stayed on me through that whole time, I got grounded a lot, but he was also very understanding and would explain things to me, explain why what I was doing was wrong and what the right way was. I think I turned into a human being again round about 16, and credit him with the fact that I am a well-adjusted successful adult now You just gotta tighten your belt and work your way through it.
Two year olds, teens and 80 year olds. That's the way they are. Nothing you can do about it.
I like to keep score. You might get a desk-top sized calendar and make 3 rows per week (draw horizontal lines all the way across), one attitude, one chores, one homework (or something similar) So every day you can give some kind of grade or a tic-mark when she goofs up. Keep it posted so she can see. You can expect a little attitude from a teenager but not too much. If she shows improvement or does well for x number of days she can "something" (go to the mall with her friends - supervised, of course, take a friend to a movie, etc) She should be learning that there are consequences and this is a clear illustration.
I always like to give them a chance to redeem themselves for really extra effort. So you might make the tic-marks erasable. This, too shall pass.
My oldest son was so superior and had such an attitude....until he had a chance to bring a friend to the base to climb on the airplanes. Oh THEN I was cool!
Hello, she is 1 month away from turning 13, and is starting to show signs of attitude ..
when asking her to do the dishes, she rolls her eyes, makes a face, then walks away to do them
when calmly showing her certain mistakes about dishes, she get defensive, and frustrated and talks back with an attitude, I then politely tell her that I talk to her with respect, and expect her to talk to me the same way, which works, for about a day.
then the next day, she's right back at it again ..
Help!
That's pretty normal. Mine started at age 12, too.
Just all part of being a teen-ager.
Believe it or not, you'll survive. You may not have any hair left, but by the time they're 21, you WILL survive. Keep reminding yourself of who's the adult here.
If you're lucky, you'll catch a glimpse every now and then. I think my D was about 16 and she was complaining about her curfew. At one point I said, "If your crowd ever does or wants to do anything you're not comfortable with, you can blame me and dad if you don't want to do it. Just tell them we'll kill you and that's why you can't."
Instead of protesting, she looked thoughtful and said, "OK."
I could tell she was relieved, not mad!
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You just gotta tighten your belt and work your way through it.
